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Help With Your Mother's Rule
Help With Your Mother's Rule is a forum for women who want trouble-shooting
help with their Mother's Rules or about any aspect of the 5 Ps of
the married vocation.
Ask
Holly: This blog is composed of your questions.Contact me at the address listed on Holly's Notebook page
and I will post questions and answers. Please share your unique ideas as well. The more ideas and experience we share,
the more successful every mother will be in designing her own unique
Mother's Rule.
Holly Pierlot
A Mother's Rule of Life Companion
Establishing Your Practical Rule - Printable Workbook
Where I Can Purchase the Mother's Rule Workbook
Career, Miscarriage and NFP
Dear Holly,
My husband and I are all for Natural Family Planning. When we got married my husband wanted children straight away, but I felt called to finish my degree. So we went with this. However in May 2005 I fell pregnant and soon after miscarried. My husband was upset, and I felt a bit relieved (I hate to admit this because I love children and love the idea of being a mum). Only a few months later I fell pregnant again and then went on to have another miscarriage. This time I was really upset. But I thought that it was God telling me that I am not ready to be a mum and have to wait. It has been 4 months since then and there could be a chance that I am pregnant and I am really confused as to how I should be feeling. Each time that I fell pregnant I knew that I would (Because of NFP, I knew my cycle etc) but I was caught up in the moment. If I feel called to finish my degree but fall pregnant is that going against God's will? Is he making me miscarry because he doesn't want me to have children yet? Am I not being open to having children? Do I not understand the true spirit of NFP??
I hope you can shed some light on the situation.Labels: Miscellaneous
posted by Holly at 12:48 PM
3 comments
Extended Family and a Mother's Rule
Dear Holly,
I have a question regarding where extended family members fit in to my rule.
My mother lives close by and I see her almost every day. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to be able to be scheduled in and has very hurt feelings when she feels that I don't have time for her. She is rather depressed and very needy emotionally. She tries to help and will sometimes take my younger kids to her house but seems unable to feed them appropriately and will bring them home past lunch without having fed them anything but cookies or ice cream. I have tried talking to her about scheduling time with us, and about the kids' eating habits, but she just gets hurt feelings and it doesn't seem that anything changes. Often I will send the kids with her, not so much to help me, although it can be a nice break, but to keep her spirits up. I love my mother very much and, at 84, I can appreciate that she needs me and I don't want to ruin what time we have left together. I love that my boys have her and want to spend time with her, though she really just wants the company and lets them watch tv and play video games.
I don't mean to put her down, she just seems to have forgotten how best to care for children and, certainly, times have changed since she had small kids. If she doesn't take the kids to her house than she is here asking when I will have time to "sit and visit". I guess I am just asking for some advice on how to minimize the negative impact around here. It is impossible for me to tell her she is not welcome in my home and she won't be scheduled. She just stops by no matter how many times I ask her not to. Unless I meet her at the front door, tell her that it is not a good time and I will call her later and shut the door on her, she will just be here. Any advice that you can offer would be most helpful.Labels: Miscellaneous
posted by Holly at 7:09 PM
6 comments
Dealing with Procrastination
Dear Holly,
Firstly I would like to thank you for such a wonderful book! I read it all in a couple of days. It has given me a great insight into what life as a mum is about. At the moment I am newly married (Feb 2005) and have no children. I am not working but studying primary teaching full-time over the internet. I have tried to write up a schedule and for a few days it goes really well. However, I have a huge procrastination and will-power problem. I find it hard to really knuckle down to my study and get bored and angry at myself. What can I do to get motivated and to really give my study the attention and hard work it deserves?? I am just so slack and unmotivated!!Labels: About a Rule of Life, Miscellaneous
posted by Holly at 12:11 AM
4 comments
Advent: Practicing Presence VS Presents
Dear Holly,
Thank you again for this wonderful website! I frequent it almost daily and my heart and soul are always fed with a word or a call to choose "the better part of our vocation as wives and mothers."
As Advent comes soon I have decided as I have learned in a Mother's Rule of Life to plan for the priorities of this season and have a conscious Christmas with Christ as the center. To think before the holidays capture me and I get lost in a commercial wonderland of stuff! My family and I are beginning the season by each day naming "what gift today will you give to baby Jesus?" Beginning our day with an intention of giving a grace or mercy or a help to another all in the name of our precious Lord! I believe by this one small shift in our hearts and our minds the season will be full of Presence vs. Presents. Oh and on that not I believe that in order to give more of my self to others I must immerse myself in our Lord and I am going to begin this season with the sacrament of Reconcilliation so our Lord can use me Fully to further his kingdom during this time.
Thank you again for making it plain to see in order to be intentional with all our gifts we must plan these priorities our hearts long for and use a rule to guide our lives, it makes all the difference.Labels: Miscellaneous
posted by Holly at 7:23 PM
3 comments
How Can You Tell When to Push Yourself?
Dear Holly,
Do you have any tips on how to tell when you're offering Jesus the full five loaves, as you put it in your book, and when you just have less to offer? There is no less laundry in November than in July, but I certainly have less energy to deal with it.Labels: Miscellaneous
posted by Holly at 9:25 PM
1 comments
Prepping for Christmas
Dear Holly,
Christmas is quickly approaching and I have begun thinking about gifts for my children. I wanted to ask your opinion on Santa Claus. I have been struggling with the whole lie since my three and a half year old was born. I am familiar with Saint Nicholas and I even have a great book to read to my children about him. Some how it is so difficult to get away from the secular Santa
Claus, the reindeer, Santa coming down the chimney in the middle of the night, etc. My husband wants the children to enjoy that part of Christmas as do I. But lets face it...Santa Claus is such a distraction for the children. They are so excited about toys that they probably don't think of baby Jesus first. And it does't help when family, friends, and even strangers say things like,
"Santa is coming soon", or "What do you want from Santa this Christmas?" I would love to hear from you and others if anyone feels as I do. Do you have any suggestions for someone who would LOVE to break the secular Santa tradition?Labels: Miscellaneous
posted by Holly at 3:45 PM
22 comments
Dealing With Many Issues at Once
Hi Holly,
I've just finished reading your book and am battling the discouragement and sloth you talk about near the end of the book. My solution so far has been to attack it with prayer, but I am really running in to a lot of roadblocks even finding time to pray. As I write this note, for instance, my 4 1/2 year old is sitting on my chair/lap rattling on in my ear ("What's taking so long?", "Maria's crying!", etc.) and the 5 month old is crying in the other room. and the 2 1/2 year old is head butting me and grabbing my arm about a video she wants to watch... I know you struggled with these same issues, which was so refreshing to read. I especially related to the comment you made about "dishes with last night's dinner caked on them in the sink along with the breakfast ones..." And also the depression and past issues to be delivered from... but that's another letter to you altogether.
But my real challenge is the morning -- for the past few months, these kids will not give me one moment to myself unless I carve it out and completely ignore them (usually they end up in front of the TV, eyes glazed over), which leads to guilt-ridden, constantly-interrupted prayer. I have tried to get up earlier than them, like a half-hour earlier or so, but at least one (including the 7 1/2 year old) will wake up along with me. I could go on and on with the details, but I just can't seem to get beyond this hopeless point. I've tried to get my husband to help, but he is just as overwhelmed with this morning wake-up problem. I tend to let him get the alone-time first thing and deal with the kids myself, because it's his time to read the Bible and that's really the only personal prayer time he takes for himself each day. I saw the post about dealing with sleep problems, so I'm going to pursue reading those books and websites.
Any suggestions about which prayers I might use to get this MROL going for me (I feel like I'm not asking God for the right thing because of all these impediments)? I know your book came in to my life as part of God's plan for me and my vocation, and I don't want this opportunity to go by the wayside!Labels: About a Rule of Life, Miscellaneous
posted by Holly at 2:18 PM
1 comments
Similar MROL Resource for Dads?
Dear Holly,
I'm beginning to make changes in my stay-at-home life since reading your book. My husband is excited for me, but he would love a resource/book to help inspire him as your book did to me. Do have any recommendations? He's facing challenges every day in the work force. He's trying to get himself organized with his real estate career while strengthening his roles as husband and father. If you have any ideas that can help get him started, we would appreciate it!Labels: 3rd P Partner, Miscellaneous
posted by Holly at 8:26 PM
2 comments
The Role of Extended Family
Dear Holly and any other moms,
What's your opinion on the role that extended family should play in raising our little ones? We live in Illinois and have no family here at all. I have great Catholic friends, but they are all busy raising their families, too. Everyday there are moments when I think "What I'd give for a Grandma right now! Just for a half hour!" That would make a huge difference in my Rule. And the grandparents are missing our kids, too. I'm torn between knowing that families are meant to support each other, and the fact that I also need the freedom to raise my children the way I want to, and that my husband needs to work where a good job is available so I can stay at home.Labels: Miscellaneous
posted by Holly at 9:51 AM
4 comments
Chart Templates?
Dear Holly,
I really love the book A Mother's Rule of Life. Do you use a computer program to create the groovy looking charts? If so, what are you using? I am pretty illiterate as far as working on Excel and spreadsheets. An I have wasted lots of days looking for a nice template. So is there a nice easy, efficient way to make a nice chart without resorting to crayons and a ruler?Labels: Miscellaneous
posted by Holly at 2:15 PM
3 comments
Need a Daily Planner?
Dear Holly,
Your book is awesome, thank you for your personal sacrifices to help other Mom's that are taking their vocation seriously.
I was wondering if you use a planner along with your daily routine or rule (e.g. Franklin planner)? I realize that your rule becomes a large amount of the day but there are appointments, to do lists, etc. to keep track of. If you have created your own could you describe it?Labels: Miscellaneous
posted by Holly at 2:46 PM
2 comments
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