Beating the "Overwhelmed" Feeling

Dear Holly,
I feel like I can make a list of what needs to be done, but when it actually comes to implementation, I kind of become overwhelmed and really feel like I don't know how to do it. Am I being too perfectionistic? Are my expectations too high? I get frustrated with my family, because I can tend to blame them for feeling overworked. I know that's not completely fair, as this is my vocation and my duty. I guess I just desire us to work better together, so that I don't feel like it's "me vs. them" all the time. My husband is very supportive and very hands-on with the kids, but I think he, too, gets overwhelmed with daily reality and then gives up on trying to implement any type of routine. I feel like I am a fairly organized person ... I plan meals, do one load of laundry everyday (although sometimes I get a day behind ...), keep up with kitchen clean up ... But that is about as much as I get to consistently. The rest of the cleaning happens when I can fit it in, which is not my ideal ... I can't get past this overwhelmed feeling, as if I'm running into a wall! Ugh!!

posted by Holly at 9:16 AM 1 comments

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Overwhelmed About School Starting

Dear Holly,
Three years ago my husband came home with your book as a "pick me up" for me. He had read the back cover and thought it was what I needed (what our family needed). That year we finished our RCIA class and officially became Catholics. Since then I have quit my job as a teacher, last year tried my hand at homeschooling my then elementary children - one only lasted until Feb.) when I put my oldest daughter in a brand new Catholic school that was just starting up. My husband had a vasectomy reversal, I became pregnant and this past May had a beautiful baby boy! Oh, and we are trying to sell our house that we bought with 2 incomes and move closer to our parish. I thought homeschooling would be easy since I had been teaching and have a master's degree, but it was a disaster! I ended up trying to bring all my knowledge about education and school into my home and it just didn't work. Everyone was miserable. One of my children hated it and was so resentful and disruptive that I ended up putting him back in school in Feb. The public school curriculum was so easy that he was rarely challenged, but it made our home life more bearable for me and my 5th grader. I would try and develop fun and exciting things for her and she would hate them. I tried involving her in the process and when things got really crazy with the pregnancy and I needed to rest more she stopped putting forth her best effort. I swore I wouldn't do this again... and here I am. We can't afford to send all 3 "big kids" to Catholic school and believe it or not my daughter WANTS to be homeschooled one more year and she tells people, "if I do really well this year for mom, then she'll think about homeschooling for 7th and 8th grade too!"- I don't ever remember saying that!!!

I just don't know where to begin. School is just 2 weeks away for my other kids and I still haven't ordered curriculum for my daughter. Today I am battling a cold that is on it's 4th day, I've showered but am not fully dressed (it's after noon here) and have spent the morning rocking and nursing a fussy baby. And I'm just wondering... how am I going to do this?? I haven't started and I'm already burnt out. There is no order to my home, my prayer life is limited as is my ability to get to a gym and loose the last 10 pounds of baby weight I gained.

I am so overwhelmed. I feel like I am missing a huge piece of your message in the book and no matter how many times I've tried to write the rule or make a schedule (I love lists and routines and schedules) they failed. I've made charts for each room in my house and no one does the chores. I end up frustrated and angry and then I give up and nothing changes. I want my kids to learn and enjoy learning and I want to enjoy teaching them. That's what I missed the most about homeschooling was teaching- isn't that stupid?? But I did. I missed teaching and planning and working with kids and other teachers. I remember reading in your book about the first day of school and how sad you felt watching the children go by with their backpacks on and not being able to go with them. That's how I feel. Now, with that said, I hated being away from my house, and my family suffered because of my job. By the time I arrived home I was exhausted and not available emotionally to any of them. When they were sick, I'd feel guilty calling in to find a sub. When I was sick, I still worked. So I know that I need to be home and I would never leave this little baby. I'm having a hard time embracing and understanding really what my new vocation as a mother really means and requires. Having this new baby is like starting all over again except with a different attitude towards motherhood. And I must say, I am so attached to him. More than my other children. He sleeps with me and I nurse him all the time. I just can't get enough of him. I am enjoying him like I have not enjoyed my other children. I just don't know how to put all the pieces together which is why I keep re-reading your book. I know I must be close to figuring this out but I can't seem to put all the pieces together.
Labels: 4th P Parent, About a Rule of Life, Homeschooling

posted by Holly at 4:53 PM 1 comments

Confused More and More

Dear Holly,
The more I start to try to get ready for homeschool in the fall, the more confused I am getting. All my responsibilities are running around in my head, like you mentioned in your book about having a big brick wall you couldn't climb over. The more confused I get, the more I feel anxious and bordering on panic. Where do I start?
Labels: About a Rule of Life, Homeschooling

posted by Holly at 10:55 AM 1 comments

A New Phase of Motherhood

Dear Holly,
I am at a completely new phase in my vocation and am really struggling ... I am the mother of five--five years and younger. My oldest (5) will be in Kindergarten in the fall, and then I have a 4 year old, 3 year old and 9-month-old twins. Usually when I tell people that, they understand my feelings of being overwhelmed ;-) But I really desire more than to feel overwhelmed! I desire to answer God's call to the best of my ability and to be a good wife and mother for Him. However, I struggle with perfectionism (I need to do it all!) but I know that realistically I can't right now, and I need to learn how to lower my expectations. So, what can I live with? What is OK to let go of? For me, sticking to the basics is all I am doing, but is my list of "the basics" too long? Are there things on my list of basics that aren't really basics? You see what I'm getting at, right?

I also struggle with surrendering all of it to the Lord! This is ridiculous, but I feel like if I surrender it, the little bit that I do have going on with just fall apart like the rest of it, and things will be in worse shape than they are now. Talk about not trusting God! UGH!! I just don't know how to focus at this point. I know that my Ps need to be in a row, but right now the 4th and 5th Ps are taking over! How do I keep up with the work? How do I manage my children, train them and simply keep them from getting at each other all the time (I feel like I'm endlessly being the referee)? And this needs to come after maintaining a good relationship with the Lord, taking care of myself and being present to my husband! I believe in order. I believe we need order to live our lives well. I feel like I am out of order right now.
Labels: About a Rule of Life

posted by Holly at 1:09 AM 2 comments

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Teenagerism

Hi Ladies
For a two-part article I have written on "Teenagerism" for the National Catholic Register, click:

Part One (July 27th)
Teenagerism -Not So Inevitable

Part Two (August 10th)
Teenagerism - The Unnecessary Rebellion
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 10:17 PM

Monday, July 28, 2008

Burning Out

Dear Holly,
I was looking forward to the summer break, but it only seems to be making me more stressed. The kids are out of their routine. I am feeling rudder-less without school to ground me. The house is a mess and yet I just cleaned it out in June. I am tired. And the school year, only 6 weeks away, looms large on the horizon and I feel pressured and burdened. Help!
Labels: 2nd P Person, 5th P Provider

posted by Holly at 1:17 PM 1 comments

Thursday, July 24, 2008

The Clutter Of Unwanted Gifts

Dear Holly,
What do I do about gifts that clutter our house? People really mean well and we have asked not to bring gifts or to go for things like books or crafts (things the children can use). Regardless, we still receive and own and store gifts, largely given to the children, that are perfectly nice but that clutter our house. I'm afraid the gift givers will come over and say "how do you enjoy your such-and-such" and then think we are ungrateful and don't love them when we say we passed it on to someone else in need.
Now that I write that it sounds completely ridiculous. But still this is my struggle. Any thoughts to help with the situation?
Labels: 5th P Provider

posted by Holly at 4:46 AM 5 comments

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Why Can't I Stick to Anything?

Dear Holly,
I wonder if you might be able to offer some insight for me. As I look at my life, I see a pattern of starting many things that I don't finish. Why? Pick any reason, and I've probably used it: boredom, unforeseen circumstances, illness, schedule change, sloth, loss of the importance of the thing, etc. I'm not talking about laundry or dishes or things like that as much as I am talking about life changes, trying to better myself. For instance, I might start a time of prayer only to have it upset by something or an exercise program or eating better or an entire rule of life! At the time that I stop the thing, it seems to be for a legitimate reason, but then it often takes me months to even start again.

I am very self-reflective, and I've struggled to understand the root, the core of this tendency. Is it lack of commitment? Yes, but why? Is it sloth? Yes, but it seems to go deeper than even that. I believe it has something to do with my perfectionist nature in that I fear the failure more than I want the thing, even though I know the thing is better for me. Intellectually, I can reason it all out, but I can't seem to get my heart in the right place long enough to form good habits in all areas of life. I am always working against my perfectionism in my spiritual life, and I feel like over the years-especially since I have had children-that I am making small in-roads. And while I see how I have changed for the better in small areas, it is still the big areas that plague me. I don't believe that I'm getting caught up in just wanting the immediacy of these things, but rather, I yearn for balance, which is what I struggle to achieve. Do you have an outside perspective that you could offer?
Labels: 1st P Prayer, 2nd P Person

posted by Holly at 3:48 PM 2 comments

Managing Double-Duty With Children's Schooling

Dear Holly,
I have a question following on from your comments on "How to Finish School in the Morning". How do you manage to stick to your time frame when you have two (or more?) children who need one on one instruction to complete their work? I have one child with special needs and another who is very easily distracted. Therefore they require much attention. They are 10 and 8. What you wrote about keeping academics in it's place resonated with me. I've been homeschooling for two and a half years. In that time I've devoted too much energy to curriculum and to ensuring we cover it all! Thank you for your wonderful book, and this encouraging blog
Labels: Homeschooling

posted by Holly at 2:45 PM 2 comments

Husband Frequently Interrupts

Dear Holly,
Your book gave me real hope, but I have not been able to really establish a schedule as my husband works at home and interrupts us several times a day. I might be able to deal with that except for that I am not good at pulling things back together, so after a few times, I fade... We have discussed this to no avail, and I can't figure out how to work around it as every time I adjust what
we are doing to reflect the times he commonly comes in, it seems like he changes what he does. He is very people-oriented and friendly, so I can understand why he does this, but it's hard on whatever we are doing. Please help or I too may end up screaming at the table!!!!
Labels: 3rd P Partner

posted by Holly at 2:28 PM 3 comments

Monday, July 07, 2008

Making Sundays a Re-Creation Day

Dear Holly,
I seem to have trouble figuring out what to do on Sundays. All week long I am busy, busy...homeschooling the kids (I have eight children, ages infant to 13 years old). So, I homeschool all week, clean all week, clean and try to catch up on "fires" on Saturdays. Then Sunday comes along and I have no idea WHAT to do. Everyone else seems to know how to relax. Why can't I? I have tried sewing and the little ones just end up tearing the pattern or scattering my pins and I end up frazzled and behind on all of my Sunday "work" which is really still there, right? (cooking, cleaning up after the kids and dishes etc.) I can't run off to town to shop since we are on a tight budget and gas is too high anyway. Do you have any tips on ordering your Sunday or have a good resource in mind (i.e. book) that spiritually deals with this issue? I thought maybe I am being selfish in wanting off time on Sundays and maybe I should be even MORE in the spirit of service with my family on this day. Also, when I do something that I want to do like order a closet, sew, etc. I end up feeling guilty for some reason. I am at a loss as to what a Catholic Mom of 8 should DO on Sundays at home since I don't want to just sit. I sit all week with school teaching and I just want to MOVE and clean and order my environment. Am I missing something here? Perhaps it is just a sinful temptation? I would love to hear ideas as to what to do on Sundays or how to relax. I have always had this problem with Sundays since I have been married with children. Any thoughts or suggestions? Do you have a rule suggestion? I guess part of me resents that everyone else CAN nap on Sundays, or play games and someone has to be "up" to watch all the little kids and that is always me. I feel terrible in saying that, but since I'm asking... might as well be honest. I think partly I am so tired I don't know just HOW tired I really am. So, I should take advantage of a "day of rest" but it doesn't seem to be my reality.
Labels: 2nd P Person

posted by Holly at 9:54 AM 2 comments

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Too Many Variables Mess Up Mummy!

Dear Holly,
I love your book and have read it several times over. I have written out my rule which should work out well but I'm having problems here. It seems something is always happening and I can never even start the rule!! My husband works 3rd shift and has strange days off. On those days, I'm often up late with him and then we don't wake up until late and the whole day is off. Or we have doctors appointments, dentist, grocery runs to do, usually a once a week playdate with different friends, library books due etc. On the days we have nothing going on it seems I'm busy catching up- laundry, housework, emails etc. The phone is always ringing and at times I am just so lonely for adult conversation I pick it up for "just a few minutes" and before I know it 1/2-1hour is just gone and of course the kids (2,4,7,10) have long blown off what they were suppose to do because mom has. I feel like my choices are rigged and lonely or laid back yet chaotic and disorganized! How do you actually get into the habit? With shopping, errands or emails or phone calls I have a set time but then I feel like that is just hanging over my head and I want to get it done and out of the way as fast as possible and that in turn messes up the rest of the routine. I know I'm causing my own troubles here but I think I'm so caught up in it I can't see the solution. Any advice or if something like this has been answered somewhere on your site if you could direct me to it, I sure would appreciate it.
Labels: About a Rule of Life

posted by Holly at 3:04 PM 1 comments

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The 5 Priorities Do Matter

Dear Holly and Others,
This morning I was trying to write out a schedule for us and I am feeling overwhelmed. I have written out many schedules, and we do have a basic plan, and I try not to be too nitpicky -- focusing on routines more than detailed time slots. But, as I was doing it, I just began to feel irritated. So, I thought I would write this letter and ask for advice and wisdom.

My husband works odd hours and odd days.The only days that are the same in our household during the week are T,W, and F. Plus, with him home most mornings, it is hard to do schoolwork (we homeschool). Furthermore, I just feel like there is so much to do -- housework, yardwork, gardening (we have over 3 acres to tend to), schooling, let alone the important stuff like prayers, confession, adoration, mass, spiritual direction.

I think what I am trying to communicate is that first, I feel like I have too much to do and not enough time (like a budget: too many needs and not enough funds), and second, because of my husband's schedule, it is hard to have a regular schedule at home -- I want to be available to him while he is here, and we wait on him for morning prayers (I confess -- I have to remind myself to be thankful that I have a husband who is striving to live for Christ and wants to lead us in prayers) and, well, it is just harder to get things done while he is here because I want to be here for him. I really like to do as much schoolwork before lunch -- at 11 so we can have a family lunch with my husband, because it is just so hard to get it done after lunch. But, a thought occurred to me today: my two older children stay up later than the others and they could do some of their "individual" work after the littler ones are in bed.

So, I wanted to put this out to see if there is anyone who could offer some tips -- perhaps someone else can look at it and see a possibility I have not seen. Perhaps someone could offer advice on how to get the things done.To be honest, most days I feel like there is just too much to do to get the house clean and tidy, along with yard work and prayers and just general living, and therefore not enough time to do schoolwork.
Labels: About a Rule of Life

posted by Holly at 11:54 AM 4 comments

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

When Siblings Battle

Dear Holly and other Moms,
I am at my wits end with the fighting that is going on with our older 3 boys. Their ages 11 to 5 and they are just at each other all the time. Fighting, name calling, etc. - and then saying they aren't treated fairly by my husband or I when we try to get some control. We waffle between trying to prevent them from breaking rules (like calling each other names - which is forbidden) and letting them work it out (which they don't without being physical with one another). We just arrived home from a family 'getaway' - a few days at an indoor water park. The bickering was unreal. Granted - 6 of us in one hotel room suite instead of at home with playroom, etc. - was a lot of togetherness - but - they were burning off energy!! I felt so disheartened and ANGRY with them when we arrived home last night I just went to bed and woke up early to go to mass alone. I just couldn't bring myself to go to the later mass with all of them - so my husband took them. I just wonder if it's something my husband and I are doing wrong in our parenting. Anyone else have any suggestions? I know it's part of growing up but I just want them to not act like they hate each other.
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 3:00 PM 5 comments

Friday, March 28, 2008

Overcoming Computer Distraction

Dear Holly and Others,
I struggle incredibly with the distraction of this computer. Most of the time I'm sure it's just pure laziness because I don't feel like I accomplish all that much on here, just lots of reading. I was wondering what others do to curb this distraction if they suffer from it as well. Sometimes I feel like the only thing I can do is just get rid of it and maybe that is what I should do. But my hubby would NEVER go for it (he is equally distracted I think in the evenings).
Labels: 2nd P Person

posted by Holly at 1:53 PM 2 comments

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Homeschooling Young Boys

Dear Holly,
I love your concrete examples from the post about Finishing School in the Morning! It's so helpful to see actual times attached to schedules. That's what I need, I am that kind of person! To go back to the original post...I have 2 fewer boys but their ages are the more troublesome...maybe. I have 3 boys, 1st grade, preschool and 3 years and I find I don't finish early either most days. Here is my problem: how do you keep the 3 and 5 year old occupied (read 'not fighting') when your 1st grade curriculum still requires a lot of engaged teaching time for a lot of subjects, and when your boy is so easily distracted. I feel like I am really neglecting my 3 year old and 5 year old because my 7 year old requires so much attention. I am trying to characterize the basic problem but I know there is much that goes into it including his temperament and mine, the curriculum and, in my opinion, a lack of discipline. I think he should be able to work more independently which means I have to send him to another room away from me and the other kids. Holly, what do you think about location of study for a 1st grader with a 5 and 3 year old in the mix?
Labels: Homeschooling

posted by Holly at 11:17 AM 3 comments

Friday, March 07, 2008

How Much Sports is Too Much Sports?

Dear Holly,
I am wondering what your take is on the sports issue. When our two oldest girls were young they played traveling soccer. After a few years of this I got a little smarter and saw how this was not good for the family to be running all the time. When they started high school we set a rule that they could play only two out of the three sport seasons. Well now my son is in high school and he wants to play three sports. After some persistence on his part I told him to write me a paper on why he thinks I should change the rule for him. He makes a good plea. He says that he needs to burn the energy. He feels that if he does not get the exercise that he needs, he tends to get irritable and not able to focus as well. He also feels that it is a good opportunity for him to evangelize to his class mates on the team by his good example. My husband thinks that we need to be able to change our rules according to where we are at and based upon the child. Of course he thinks we should let our son play the tree seasons of sports.
What do you think? To much sports or do I need to back off on this one?
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 3:08 PM 3 comments

Picture Schedules for Young Children Help Mummy

Dear Holly,
Maybe this a given but I just have to share. My kids are 5, 3, and one year old. The oldest since he was born has needed structure. He has always asked what we are doing next, even before I read MRoL. I have had a rule for almost 3 years now and lately I made a picture schedule(chart) for the kids. It has the hour in one column and each child (not the one year old) has their own column. It has made my life amazingly different. They aren't agruing about helping and everything is going so much easier. I asked my son why and he said, "I know I can go play next so I will help now,." even though I used to tell him that!! I guess now that he can see it, he really believes me. Anyway, I thought I would share because I thought the kids were a few years off from needing to see their parts in this.
Labels: 4th P Parent, About a Rule of Life

posted by Holly at 2:55 PM 3 comments

Monday, February 04, 2008

How to Finish School in the Morning

Dear Holly,
I've read your book and love it. I have 5 boys (grades 6, 5, 2nd, and a 5 and 3 yr old) and wonder how do you get your school done by 1230 p.m.? We always have to go to 2 or 3 p.m. What curriculum do you use? Especially for math and English/writing? Haven't yet set up my mother's rule schedule, because I'm afraid I'll fail. It seems I'm only doing school, laundry and whatever I can fit in...before it's time to cook dinner.
Labels: Homeschooling

posted by Holly at 4:26 PM 5 comments

Friday, February 01, 2008

One Reason Why A Rule Can be Hard to Follow...

Dear Holly,
I had a light bulb moment today, they don't happen often...:) I was standing in my kitchen and it came to me that I need to write down and work on what the spirit of my rule is. Now, I have to say that when I read the book Holly, I thought that yours sounded great and I thought ok, I'll do that when I get myself, kids, husband, home, etc in order. Well, that was two years ago and really will I ever be "in order". I think really I need to work on the spirit of my rule to help with the order, I keep falling away from my rule because I haven't had a written spirit so to speak. Something about having it written down makes it more real for me, more tangible. The starting point isn't just getting organized. So, I embark on an adventure, I think it will be part of my lenten
"project".
Labels: About a Rule of Life

posted by Holly at 10:50 AM 2 comments

Friday, January 18, 2008

A Teen's Prayer

Dear Holly (and other moms),
My teenage son is wonderful - generous to a fault, and with an ability to forgive easily and genuinely that leaves me breathless. However, he hates reading and the bulk of his Christian formation comes from attending Mass and listening to me read and teach. His own prayer life is non-existent. Whilst I can have him pray a family Rosary with us, once again it is with others....any ideas (starting small would be best) to develop good personal prayer and devotional habits for him??
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 8:22 PM 2 comments

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Our On-line Monastery

Dear Holly,
How providential it was that I came across your book a few weeks ago! I am a relatively new mother; my son is now fourteen months old. I am adjusting to the reality of motherhood, with all its challenges and joys, and have repeatedly determined to embrace it whole-heartedly. Oddly enough, it was on retreat at a monastery that the Lord impressed upon me the importance of a willingness to embrace the vocation of motherhood. Since then, he has been gently and persistently growing me in this.

Recently, I thought how helpful it would be to have some sort of community of women to share a "rule" with as the brothers at the monastery I often visit do. Behold the wonder of the internet! How happy I was to search for monasticism and motherhood and come across your website. I have just finished your book and am deeply thankful for your willingness to share your journey and thoughts with us. Thank you very much. May the Lord continue to grow you in His grace as you receive His presence this new year,
Labels: 1st P Prayer

posted by Holly at 6:34 PM 1 comments

How do I Find "Think Time" ?

Dear Holly (and other moms),
I first joined the MROL discussion group about a year or so ago when I was trying to start my Rule after moving to a new town. Lo and behold, God decided that I was instead to spend my time battling horrible morning sickness! After that my attention was focused on caring for a newborn and preparing for the holidays. Now that my daughter is 5 months old and we've started a new year, I am really wanting to get a good Rule in place. My biggest problem seems to be finding the time to actually sit down and create one! Between homeschooling, dental/doctor appointments, sports/music lessons, and the endless amount of housework and laundry that 6 children and 2 adults generate.I feel like all I'm ever doing is trying to catch up with myself. How can I "force" myself to create a good working Rule of Life? Any ideas or suggestions -especially prayers!-would be greatly appreciated.
Labels: About a Rule of Life

posted by Holly at 6:07 PM 2 comments

Teens & Dating

Dear Holly,
I am a first time poster on your site. I love your book, God is really speaking to me through you! My question is: What do you think of 16/17 year olds and dating? My children do not "date". However, my daughter has an interest in a God-fearing, Catholic young man and admits she probably loves him too. They have known each other all their lives and she is totaly serious about choosing a future spouse. She is really responsable and is looking for a man (like this fellow) who has high standerds, loves the Lord with all his heart and of course, is Catholic. I would like to hear your thoughts on this. God bless you, Holly!
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 11:17 AM 2 comments

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Fussy Eaters

Dear Holly,
Help! Family meal time is driving me crazy. I have a 5 year old boy who turns his nose up at just about everything unless he has missed lunch or breakfast. He will throw a fit about eating even the things he helps prepare. His sister who is 3 will either follow his lead or tell me how good it is and about three bites later tell me she if full or ask if she can be done. If she does eat it takes double the time anyone else at the table takes which makes her brother mad that he has to sit at the table while she finishes (we do end of meal prayer). Does anyone have any thoughts to make family meal time more peaceful.
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 2:21 PM 2 comments

Monday, December 17, 2007

19 Year Old Won't Pay His Way

Dear Holly,
We have 5 children. Our oldest son graduated high school in June of 2007 and is 19 years of age. After travelling to Europe in the summer, decided he did not want to pursue further education at this time. He began working full-time at a local grocery store in August and his net monthly pay is about $1500. We sat down with him and told him that if he were to go on to Post-secondary we would assist him with his school costs and housing, etc, but if he were going to work, he would need to pay rent of $300 per month. He accepted this, and agreed to transfer $150 twice monthly into our bank account. To date he has paid $200 of the $1000 owed for the past 5 months.

The last conversation we had was that he just didn't feel that he was getting anything of value for the $300 a month as he had to share a room with his 17 year old brother, is rarely home, purchases his own meals, etc. I went on to say that he should try to find a place to rent for $300 that provided shelter, heat, electricity, unlimited hot water, phone, the use of a computer with internet access, a stocked pantry, fridge and freezer (should he choose not to purchase meals), his laundry washed and folded, chauffering (he doesn't have a license). He said that I should just kick him out. At one point he was really frustrated with my insistence that we would not drop the rent payment and he complained to a friend that we were trying to control
him, the friend's parents said he could come and live with them. (These people take in all kinds of teens who leave home for various reasons.) We also agreed that because he was over 18 he is responsible for making decisions about when to come home, etc, but I have asked him to advise me in advance as to when he will be joining us for family meals, and if he is not going to come home at night. (We do ask that he attend Mass with us on the weekend if he is not scheduled to work and he complies with this for the most part.) There are no places to rent in our town for less than $2000 a month. (We have friends who have rental properties and if they have a vanacny the will get over 100 calls.) He also doesn't have any friends who are interested in sharing a place with him (if they could find something) as they are all living at home for free and saving for school or to travel. This means he needs to look elsewhere but, as he has not gone for his Driver's license, he is at a loss for transportation to work if he lives out of town.

It is time for a crucial conversation and I want to tell him that he needs to make good on the $1000 owed to date and that he needs to pitch in with the household maintenance on a regular basis whether he feels he is making a mess or not. (This has also been an onging disagreement...he says that he is never here and does not mess up the house...I feel that he is living in our home and needs to contribute to the maintenace of the home. If he was renting a place, he would have to do some kind of cleaning maintenance.) My fear is that I don't want this to escalate into a fight and have him storm out. And I wonder if he wants me to get angry and kick him out. Any insights you can offer would be appreciated.
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 2:47 PM 2 comments

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Schedule Hints for Back to Work

Dear Holly,
THANK YOU for your book! I've been searching for something,and your book has definitely given me direction. I sort of made a schedule, and am doing my morning prayer and evening everyday, but can't really seem to get into the groove of the schedule I made. My husband and I had another a baby boy in July, and am now back to work part time and will be back full time in Jan. Any suggestions on how to make a schedule to follow while working full time? I'm afraid that I won't use it and I'm not sure how well my husband will follow it while I'm not at home (He's home with them for the winter). Also, I've read and re-read "The Spirit of My Mother's Rule of Life", not sure I can make one as good as you, is that ok to just use yours? Why re-invent the wheel! Thank you again!
Labels: 5th P Provider

posted by Holly at 10:56 AM 1 comments

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

My Friends Say It is Too Much...

Dear Holly,
I am very interested in starting a rule for me and my family, but my friends who have read A Mother's Rule say it is too much, and that you have a crazy schedule. They say what you do is unnecessary. I don't feel I have any support to do this. Do you have any advice on this?
Labels: About a Rule of Life

posted by Holly at 3:34 PM 1 comments

Friday, November 09, 2007

Discerning School Choice

Dear Holly,
I am a mother of three small children: a 4 year old, a 3 year old and an almost-1 year old. My husband and I are facing a new "challenge" for us now that falls somewhere in a mother's rule of life - trying to decide what type of schooling we should provide for our children. Our 4 year old boy will be 5 in March and then almost 6 when school starts in fall of 08 just in time for kindergarten.
I need your advice in discernment and how do you know God's will: Private or homeschool? I honestly love the idea of homeschool but 1.) I don't think I could do it. 2.) My husband does not support it. 3.) Even if he did, his job takes him away from the family with many long hours. We could probably send our children to private school but my husband , who is not Catholic, is not to excited about that either.
I am Catholic, our children are and they will go to a Catholic school but how do you choose? Where do you draw the line? Do you choose a school that is close but could be "week in the faith" or a school that seems to have it all and is 15 miles out of the way and you would have to pile all the babies/younger children in the cold car to get your child to the school that seems like a good choice? Could you send me some tips in making the right choice?
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 4:21 PM 2 comments

Sunday, October 21, 2007

A Random Nurser

Dear Holly,
Thank you so much for your beautiful book! I am truly grateful to you for sharing with us how Our Lord has worked and is working in your life. Order and Peace we need! I have a quick question for you; if you have any ideas I'd appreciate them immeasurably. My husband and I have 6 boys (ages 10, 8, 7, 5, 3, and 6 months). Our youngest, a babe in arms, is a random nurser. How do I work his random needs into my rule or should my rule revolve around him and when I think he will eat or sleep next? Thank you for your thoughts
Labels: 4th P Parent, About a Rule of Life

posted by Holly at 1:15 PM 4 comments

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

And the Kids Roll Their Eyes...

Dear Holly,
I purchased A Mothers Rule of Life back when it was first available. I love it. You can tell by the fact that it is falling apart that I read and re-read it. I have been working on my rule for several years but I STILL don't have it quite right. I recently purchased the ebook (workbook) and it has helped me to re-focus, being with the 1st P and so on. But now, every time I tell my kids we're going to change our schedule a little, they all roll their eyes and say (or think) "not again!". Does anyone else have this problem or am I just not competent in this area? I'm really hoping that by starting with the first P and making sure we are solid in that before adding anything else it will help. Just open to suggestions here.
Labels: About a Rule of Life

posted by Holly at 8:07 AM 5 comments

Saturday, September 29, 2007

IT'S READY! IT'S HERE!

NOW AVAILABLE!

A Mother's Rule of Life: Establishing your Practical Rule
(Printable Workbook (PDF Format))

Thanks to the assistance of Christi Gareis, the long-awaited workbook is now here for you to purchase.

Please note that you will only have access to the workbook ONCE through this site - after payment through PayPal, you will automatically be re-directed to the workbook - and you will have to immediately bookmark and/or copy down the URL.

Also, please keep in mind that the purchase is for your use only, and I request that you do not share the address of the ebook with your friends, but refer them to this website for purchase.

May God bless you as you use this workbook to help you become even more faithful to God's calling in your life.
Where I Can Purchase the Mother's Rule Workbook

Table of Contents can be found in the previous post. If you purchase, and think mothers will benefit from this workbook, please consider saying so in the comments section. Thank you.
God Bless You
Holly
Labels: About a Rule of Life

posted by Holly at 3:16 PM 4 comments

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

A Mother's Rule: Establishing Your Practical Rule WORKBOOK

A companion workbook to supplement "A Mother's Rule of Life" (Sophia 2004).

Table of Contents:

I. Introduction

II. Assessing Where the Time Goes

III. The First P Prayer
1. Instructions
2. A Mother's Liturgy of the Hours
3. Holly's Sample Morning Prayers

IV. The Second P Person (Part I)
1. Instructions
2. Caring For Our Persons

V. The Third P Partner
1. Instructions
2. Loving Our Husbands

3. The 2nd P Part II
a) Eating for Health and Holiness
b) Meal Planning Made Easy
c) Sample Weekly Meal Plans

VI. The Fourth P Parent
1. Instructions
2. The Religious Formation of Our Children
3. The Personal Formation of Our Children

VII. The Fifth P Provider
1. Stewardship & The Home
a) Room Analysis
b) Home & Property Analysis
c) Chore Chart
d) Weekly Chore Chart
e) Sample Weekly Chore Charts
f) Outside Chore Chart
g) Seasonal Chore Chart

2. Stewardship & Finances
a) Financial Stewardship
b) Financial Assessment (Expenses, Debts & Income)
c) Monthly Budgeting
d) Sample Budget

VIII. Pulling It All Together
1. Daily Mother's Rule Sheets
2. Weekly Routines Sheet

IX. On A Final Note
The Spirit of My Mother's Rule
Labels: About a Rule of Life

posted by Holly at 3:02 PM

Friday, August 24, 2007

Clamouring for Mummy's Attention

Dear Holly,
I have 4 children. We have a rule in progress. However, it seems as thoughmy children always want more time with me (or Dad, but mostly me!).
The 4 year old behaves so much better when he gets lots of storytime and games with me. However, at what point will he stop doing "naughty" things (hitting, noises, etc.) to get my attention. Will I ever be able to fill this child's emotional need? At the same time, the 8 year old says he doesn't get any attention, not enough stories away from said little brother, he has to do too much stuff on his own, etc. How does he forget the hours spent playing catch? Then the older 2 will be fine and then want a game when they are supposed to be in bed.
Our rule is in progress so perhaps as our rule gets executed better, everyone will find they are getting enough of me. In the
meantime, if I try to give everyone the attention they are demanding, time for chores, work, and me gets neglected which makes me irritable and frustrated. Basically, everyone wants me all the time. And then when Dad gets home, it seems fair that he should have a few minutes to change and shift gears, but he seems to have so little patience for the little people wanting and needing a bit of his time and attention. Because of all these circumstances, I feel as if I am always on duty which makes me even more frazzled feeling. And with our homeschool year about to begin again, I'm thinking we have to be able to improve upon this. Help?
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 2:26 PM 3 comments

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

About a Spiritual Director

Dear Holly,
I am looking for advice about finding a spiritual advisor. I became a Catholic about 9 years ago and feel as though I need more information and guidance than my RCIA classes were able to provide. So how do I go about getting a spiritual advisor? Who can be a spiritual advisor? Any advice?
Labels: 1st P Prayer

posted by Holly at 3:17 PM 2 comments

Monday, August 20, 2007

Struggling with Finding Prayer Time

Dear Holly,
I have really searched myself wondering if I'm just putting off prayer or if I really struggle to find a time, and have found the latter to be the case; I would really appreciate any insight you can offer here. I have two children, 2 1/2 and 7 months, who wake up around the same time I do. And though I can get a prayer time in when they both nap, often I want a nap myself, or for whatever reason find myself going from one to the other with no personal time, or the time for prayer occurs so late in the day that I'm exhausted and am able to give so little to it. While the other Ps have their different levels of difficulty, this one in particular demands alone time, which is so hard to come by as a mom of small children.

I know that prayer is very important, and that we can hardly put it off until during these childbearing/young children years. I truly do not understand, however, how to make it a consistent part of my life. Is the answer to allow for inconsistent times?
Labels: 1st P Prayer

posted by Holly at 4:04 PM 9 comments

Rotating Books?

Dear Holly,
When you sort/rotate kids' toys, do you also rotate their books as well? Or do you make them all available at all times? I
initially thought it best to keep all my kids' books available, but am rethinking this now. We are starting to get so many, they are getting overwhelming.
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 1:33 PM 5 comments

Toddlers & Feast Days

Dear Holly,
We have two young boys, 2 years old and 6 months. We would like to start celebrating feast days with our oldest, but don't know where to begin. We have never celebrated feast days and were wondering how to do so with a young toddler. Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated!
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 1:24 PM 3 comments

When Husband Travels...

Dear Holly,
I have two questions having to do with the fact that my husband travels for work and so is out of town more than he is home. Typically he will be away for 3 weeks to a month and then home for anywhere from a few days to two weeks. Because of the nature of his job, he never knows more than a day or two in advance when he will be leaving or coming home.

First question, I'm not sure how to add the "3rd P" to my rule. When he is gone there is little I can do other than be available to receive his phone calls or chat with him online.

Second, I don't know how to keep my rule and schedule intact when he is home. Would it be more realistic, do you think, to have a completely different and more "open" schedule when he is home?

We are hoping he only has to work like this another year or two, but I have to figure out the best way to deal with it in the meantime.
Labels: 3rd P Partner

posted by Holly at 1:11 PM 2 comments

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Multi-Faceted Discipline Issues

Dear Holly,
This question has come up with countless women I have spoken with and is much discussed between my sister and I after a "trying day" with our youngsters. A number of my friends have 3 or 4 small children (under age 5) very close together is age. While we all use corporal punishment, many of us try to only use it when absolutely necessary. What we find very confusing is the use of time-outs, whether they be in a child's room, a corner or on a naughty step.

Let me provide you with an example: Child is blatently disobedient when mommy asks them to stop pushing a sibling. Child is warned once (or not at all), then sent to the time-out (mother simply says "time-out") for an appropriate time (timer is set for minutes according to their age). No discussion occurs until after the timer has gone off.

At this point a few things can happen. Child will refuse to stay in time-out or will start screaming and throwing a tantrum. Alternately, child completes time-out and then apologizes. A few minutes later the child is reapeating the undesireable behaviour.

According to many modern "pop psychologists" you are to allow the child to scream and throw a fit in the time-out, but to us this seems to be unfair to the rest of the family who must endure this racket and shows a complete lack of respect for everyone else who is trying to continue with their lives. If the child refuses to stay in time-out and you spend the entire time picking up their rag doll body and returning them to the time-out, we also feel the time-out wasn't really "completed". Some other children are quite apathetic and will accept the time-out and then simply apologize and continue with the bad behavior. In all of these examples we feel that the time-out was ineffective and requires a follow-up form of discipline.

Should the child have to repeat the time-out? Should the timer not be started until the child is quiet ready to begin the time-out? Should this be a spanking?

So our question is definitely multifaceted and requires a number of answers. I have read countless books on discipline and unfortunately none addresses the exact steps required for any different circumstance. Holly would you please help put this issue to rest. Please be specific!

What do we do if they start screaming in time-out? What do we do if they refuse to stay in time-out? What do we do if they repeat the bad behavior immediately after a time-out? Are time-outs something that just need to be repeated everytime a child requires punishment and no positive effect will be seen for years? Please help us provide firm, yet constructive discipline to our young children and help us live our Mother's Rule of Life.
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 1:48 PM 14 comments

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Doing Group Catechism as a Family

Dear Holly,
I am familiar with the Apostolate of Family Consecrated in the Truth and I like the idea of using just one textbook for my children's catechism. Are you using their appropiate grade levels for each child while you use your family textbook? How are you doing it with several children? Usually, someone told me most homeschoolers just take the middle level workbook (ex: 6 yrs old and 8 yr old use level 2 workbook instead of level 1 and level 3) and order how ever many so everyone is on the same page. I just want to have a Religion class together instead of having to read and teach individual classes. I am thinking to about just putting them in the parish Sunday school. But then again I love doing that with them because it teaches ME So much!!! How do you use the Apostolate of Family Consecration program?
Labels: 4th P Parent, Homeschooling

posted by Holly at 11:42 AM 1 comments

Possible Pregnant Rule?

Dear Holly,
At a Catholic Homeschooling forum that I belong too, the subject of MROL has come up. A lot of good stuff of course, but I'm also hearing about how it's nearly impossible to have a rule when you are pregnant and have small children. I didn't try to set up a rule when my kids were infants, but I'm thinking it would have been a help. Maybe I'm just more relaxed about it then most people...I use my rule as a guide line, but if for some reason I can't get to everything then that's the way it is and I just go on with life. Do you have any recommendations for pregnant women and moms of small children that I can share with this group?
Labels: 4th P Parent, About a Rule of Life

posted by Holly at 8:16 AM 6 comments

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Kids & Independant Chores

Dear Holly,
After reading your inspiring book, I had the opportunity to hear you speak in Milwaukee this spring. Thank you for sharing your advice and experience.
I am wondering what tips you have for motivating young ones to do work on their own without being told. I have 5 children under 7 and find myself having to tell them over and over to do the things they are used to doing each day . . . brush teeth, wash face, etc. I have not instituted chore charts yet which may help as a visual for me to show them rather than talking so much. But I am wondering from you experience, what have you found helpful? Also, how do you construct your charts? Are they simply handwritten or done on the computer where they can be modified or some other form?
Labels: 4th P Parent, 5th P Provider

posted by Holly at 5:39 PM 3 comments

Single Moms

Dear Holly,
I recently began reading A Mother's Rule of Life and it seems to be exactly what the doctor ordered. My catch is this - I am a single mom and wonder how this will hinder my efforts to implement the rule because I have to leave out the third P. I have been a single mom all along and over time converted back to my Catholic faith. All the Catholic parenting websites have advice for married couples, but none for faithful and (now) orthodox single mums. I look around and think where do I fit in?! Then I found your book and was so excited. It just makes so much sense and resonated in my soul! Have you had any other single moms contact you with regards to establising a rule of life? Has anyone been able to successfully implement it? I'm wondering if I can really do it. Any pointers or guidance you can provide would be greatly appreciated.
Labels: About a Rule of Life

posted by Holly at 5:32 PM 2 comments

Using the Labels

I have finished labelling all my posts! :-) Please use them to discover posts on all the 5 Ps and Homeschooling. If you are interested in only the posts on parenting, for example, click the label on one of the 4th P posts and all the labeled parenting posts will show up on one page. The labels are:

About a Rule of LIfe
1st P Prayer
2nd P Person
3rd P Partner
4th P Parent
5th P Provider
Homeschooling
Miscellaneous

posted by Holly at 9:00 AM

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

On Modest Dressing for Mom...

Dear Holly,
I am currently in RCIA (to be received fully into the church in a couple of months), in a rather liberal church - more so than I had realized when I started my classes. As a protestant, I was exposed to and studies in depth teachings about modest dress / dresses only / head coverings. Then, as I began the transistion to the Catholic church, I had the impression that all that 'super modesty stuff' was just from those 'protestant ultraconservatives'. After all, I have seen all manner of attire going to Mass. Maybe not quite swimsuits, but certainly some very short skirts/shorts, rather revealing cleavage, etc. Even many of those serving as EM's don't dress up. Therefore, I have had no problem wearing shorts and jeans as my regular attire, including jeans to Mass.

Lately, however, with an eight year daughter beginning to have a definite interest in clothes, the Lord has been convicting me of the need evaluate my wardrobe. In doing some research I was amazed to find out that the Church really has discussed modesty - quite a bit actually - in some of the earlier writings. I guess nowadays there are more pressing matters, I don't know. However, not that long ago the Church definitely promoted modest and feminine dress for women. St. Padre Pio wouldn't give absolution to women wearing pants or an immodest dress, according to www.catholicplanet.com in an article about women's dress. This website strongly expresses the idea that women should generally wear dresses and skirts as a matter of routine, based on Scripture, and also discusses head coverings. This site, along with a couple of others I have looked at, do not seem to look at dresses as simply a "cultural thing" but a thing based on Scriptural teachings.

What is your opinion of this matter of dress? While I fully admit to being more comfortable in shorts and jeans, I don't want to be dressing in a matter that the Church would not accept as appropriate. Certainly I don't want to model inappropriate dress in front of my children! Please understand - I never wear cleavage showing outfits or short skirts anyhow. But, shorts that show thighs, or jeans - on a regular basis. Some would say that I am being immodest, which is quite painful to hear. However, if I were to wear the shapeless long long jumpers worn by some my hubby would have a fit. I tried it once...... his opinion was clear shall we say........
Labels: 2nd P Person, 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 10:00 AM 12 comments

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Thursday, October 09, 2008

Kids Don't Get Out Much...

Saturday, October 04, 2008

I'm Back!

When Mass & Homeschooling Seem to Conflict...

Dear Holly,We are a homeschooling family. I want to get the children and myself to Mass more often during the week, but when we go not as much school gets done. How do you work the days that you attend Mass so that school gets it's proper attention?Labels: Homeschooling

Thursday, August 28, 2008