Help With Your Mother's Rule

Help With Your Mother's Rule is a forum for women who want trouble-shooting help with their Mother's Rules or about any aspect of the 5 Ps of the married vocation.

Ask Holly: This blog is composed of your questions. Contact me at the address listed on Holly's Helpers page and I will respond. Please share your unique ideas as well. The more ideas and experience we share, the more successful every mother will be in designing her own unique Mother's Rule.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Dealing With the "I want to be free" Feeling...

We all know the feeling - "I want to be free", or as one woman commented, "reading Holly's book made me feel... 'tired'..." We know it well:
"I don't want to be constrained by a schedule. I want to "live", to "be spontaneous", to "encounter life" not to be "pre-determined", "locked in a box" , "scheduled"...

Yet, we also know what being so "free" can lead to:
- feeling overwhelmed with work
- housework chaos
- neglect of essential aspects of our vocation
- the feeling of constantly sorting a mess
- cleaning one part of the house while another falls apart
- no time to "do what 'I' want"
- a scattered heart, distracted, lacking peace
- lacking recollection and any sense of intimacy with God
- constantly realizing "I need a rule"
- constantly saying "but..."
- timidity and fear about my ability to live my vocation well....

Who wants to live this way?


  1. As a wife with children at home, the 5 Ps remain the basis of our lives, and simply put - we need to ensure we are fulfilling our responsibilities to the best of our abilities. We know this.

    There is no peace outside of God's Will.

    The 5 Ps need to be the basis of our scheduling for as many years left as we have children at home...

    Let's not trivialize our rule though - let's not stop at housework:

    We need to look at ALL our priorities - just like the "Mother's Mission-Litany" - which is really the heart of our rules, our lives - and walk through this and see - Am I giving due time to this aspect of my vocation? If not, when and where and how will I?

    And then, don't move on to anything else until I answer that question, and answer it well, practically, implementing it, with a plan, a time of day, a schedule.

    That means - 'pulling ourselves back' to the essentials - and that is not just our chore or meal schedule, but the heart of our vocation - the interpersonal relationships and the educative mission of motherhood - to be truly present and available and accepting. Also, it means time to restore - through our prayer, our rest, our eating...

    And it all starts with that first small decision. I 'will' pray today, well.
    I 'will' get up on time.
    I 'will' do my duties in response to God's call.
    I' will' begin to get my life pulled together.

    Our mother's mission-litany is important. We 'want' to fulfill this. To be mission-centered is to be meaning-centered, and is the secret of our self-dedication.

    Today is a new day. Start again. And again. And again. And again... Start.

  2. Thank you Holly.

    1. I totally "pulling ourselves back" time and time again. One issue that is pulling me down is my 3 boys all emerging into adolescence. They try sometimes,but it seems each day, actually each hour of the day. I'm repeating the need for respectfulness, obedience or kindness. Sometimes I keep my cool, sometimes not. I'm always confessing these times of little patience. It is amazing how my confessions sound the same. We have the support of daily Mass. My husband supports me at night or if I need to call in the day, there are always consequences (usually something taken away like freetime or a privilege) and they do have adequate attention from my husband and I with many fun and actice activities/sports in their lives. They love water-polo and this sometimes is used as a carrot for encouraging acceptable behaviour. They usually comply, but I'm constantly reminding them that it is a privilege not a right. Instead, we discuss that all have a right to live in a home where all are respected. I just don't get it. I am not seeing improvement in this area at all, and I am not a perfectionist. They are growing boys and I love them so much, I'm just thinking I must take a different approach.We have tried charts, stickers, evaluating our day at middle/end of subjects etc. I'm sick of it. What about DOING WHAT WE OUGHT TO DO, BECAUSE WE OUGHT TO.

  3. Thanks! I really needed to be reminded of this advice again.