Dear Holly,
My cousin gave me your book to read and I devoured it. That was 6 months ago and my plan was to have my rule completed by Lent to start it but that has not happened yet. I told my Spiritual Director he would have it by today to look over and I am still a little stuck. If you could please help me with a few things I would REALLY appreciate it!! I just have some questions for you and I will write them below.
How old were your children when you started the rule? I have 3 children under the age of 8, with a very active toddler aged 2. How do you discipline your kids and how long did it take them to adjust to the rule? My toddler is so ACTIVE. I mean you have to watch him constantly or something major will happen. I printed out all the things you did with the little ones while schooling the older ones but if my littlest one is not in the action with us, it is hard to keep him preoccupied. I am finding it difficult to school the other children.
Also, my husband does not have a license temporarily, so we all have to get up in the morning, pack the car, and take him to work, which can take 30 minutes on either side… not to mention, then picking him up after work, if he has a meeting that day, or if he needs to run an errand… It means I can't pick him up at the same time every day. I can make my rule but it seems very hard to stick to it because it will depend on what he has going on and his workload on what time I pick him up. Do you think I should just make a general rule for now and when he gets his license make the rule more detailed?
Do you get fatigued ever? I find that if I am out running errand I am ok but as soon as I come to the house to start chores, cooking, I get SOOOO tired. Do you think that is the devil trying to get me not to do my work? God bless you always and thank you so much for any assistance you could offer me.
Help With Your Mother's Rule is a forum for women who want trouble-shooting
help with their Mother's Rules or about any aspect of the 5 Ps of
the married vocation.
Let’s split up these questions:
ReplyDeleteYOU ASKED: How old were your children when you started the rule? I have 3 children under the age of 8, with a very active toddler aged 2.
HOLLY: As the book mentions, my children were 8,6,4,2 and a newborn
YOU ASKED: How do you discipline your kids and how long did it take them to adjust to the rule?
HOLLY: The kids were 'taught' the rule over a few weeks... it was a new way of living, and I had to have patience and direct them from thing to thing as we were all learning it. Meanwhile, they really enjoyed the fact that I did not interrupt their play times to call them to work at something... and they found it less work in the long run because the house was kept clean.
YOU ASKED: My toddler is so ACTIVE. I mean you have to watch him constantly or something major will happen. I printed out all the things you did with the little ones while schooling the older ones but if my littlest one is not in the action with us, it is hard to keep him preoccupied. I am finding it difficult to school the other children.
HOLLY: Yes, my son Nick was like that as a toddler.
Nick's room had only a bed and all his possessions we put on very high shelves in his room. That way, I could get new toys down for him and he could still play in his room, but he couldn't demolish things while I was out of the room. We removed all trinkets etc from the entire house, put hooks on the doors to the bedrooms, gate at the stairs or shut doors, we even put cardboard on the first 4 shelves of the bookshelves or he'd scale them, and built a very large pen in the back yard, big enough to play in , but with the wire fence dug deep enough that he couldn't sneak under it, or he'd have been off to China and never came back! :-)
Do what you can to totally 'toddler-proof' the house - examine every aspect for safety, and then provide a rotation of toys to help you keep him occupied (a few large bins, from 3-7, which you bring out on different days, which keep the toys fresh). Also, have a basket of 'just-him toys/ magazines and markers/ magnets/ playdough/etc that you bring out ONLY during school time - he sits in the highchair, you hand him toys and activities, one by one, as you school. Include small cheerio snacks or crackers, one by one, etc too.
Also, you could split up schooling the two oldest, have them each take turns playing with the toddler, while you tutor the other one. This works well for things like Math and English. Other topics, like Science, History or Religion you can do group projects and let the toddler join in…
YOU ASKED: Also, my husband does not have a license temporarily, so we all have to get up in the morning, pack the car, and take him to work, which can take 30 minutes on either side… not to mention, then picking him up after work, if he has a meeting that day, or if he needs to run an errand… It means I can't pick him up at the same time every day.
ReplyDeleteI can make my rule but it seems very hard to stick to it because it will depend on what he has going on and his workload on what time I pick him up. Do you think I should just make a general rule for now and when he gets his license make the rule more detailed?
HOLLY: I think what would work best until you can establish set times is to work with 'chunks of duties' - morning, afternoon, evening... etc - just the bare basics, but that can be done 'in a row'.... so, like the combination of pre-supper, supper, post-supper chores in my book, that can be done in that order, no matter what time you start...
YOU ASKED: Do you get fatigued ever? I find that if I am out running errand I am ok but as soon as I come to the house to start chores, cooking, I get SOOOO tired. Do you think that is the devil trying to get me not to do my work? God bless you always and thank you so much for any assistance you could offer me.
HOLLY: We always look to natural reasons before supernatural for things like fatigue... The second P needs to be looked at - are you getting enough sleep? balanced meals? healthy food? to many stimulants like coffee etc? Are you getting exercise? And if all these are in order - are you covering your responsibilities in such a way as to not be perfectionistic, but instead, doing what is 'reasonable' ? And, are you giving yourself enough time in each time spot to do your duties without rush or overload? When you come home from a trip out, do you take time to rest before launching into chores? Do you have a regular 'break' mid-morning and mid-afternoon to help you get refreshed? Are you praying?
You see, all these types of things integrate to cause or prevent fatigue... your 'answer' is to examine your whole life and set up basic balance and order. Serious fatigue will most probably diminish when you do.
And lastly - Don't hesitate to pass in your 'rough copy' to your director. His general approval is all you need, if he knows you are in assessment mode: every week after that, examine it to see what's working and what is not... you need to stay in 'assessment mode' to truly take the time to create a rule that actually suits your life, not just looks good on paper. And please keep me in your prayers.