Help With Your Mother's Rule

Help With Your Mother's Rule is a forum for women who want trouble-shooting help with their Mother's Rules or about any aspect of the 5 Ps of the married vocation.

Ask Holly: This blog is composed of your questions. Contact me at the address listed on Holly's Helpers page and I will respond. Please share your unique ideas as well. The more ideas and experience we share, the more successful every mother will be in designing her own unique Mother's Rule.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Co-Ed Sleepovers?

Dear Holly,
I have a question for you regarding Co-ed sleepovers for children. Our youngest daughter has had several sleepovers with two young boys at our good friend's house, who are very good Catholics. However it as never felt 'right' to me. Our other children rarely had sleepovers, let alone co-ed. After much discussion, my husband agreed that we would stop the co-ed sleepovers.This has caused my friend to be upset and confused by my action.And I'm questioning if my judgment is sound in this regard. What is your opinion on co-ed sleepovers for younger kids?
Posted by at 11:43 AM
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1 comments:

  1. First off, there is nothing objectively wrong with sleepovers, even where girls and boys visit for the evening and then spend the night. But as for where they all sleep - that is another thing. I have always paired boys with boys and girls with girls for actual sleep arrangements. I would implement this immediately.

    Since in your present case there appear to be no other girls at the sleepover, I would limit any sleepovers to happening at YOUR house, (not send my daughter alone to another only-male-child household to sleep over - although visiting can be arranged , as long as they are supervised) and at my own sleepovers, I would have a separate room for the boys to sleep in come bed time. You can still have lots of activities planned in the evening to look like they've stayed up 'late', but separate, absolutely, for sleep.

    At the age of mid childhood, it is also important to begin to monitor the alone-time of the opposite sexes - many children have been exposed to things above their age level, even very young children, if not through the media, tv and music, then through their siblings or sibling friends or the school culture.

    All visiting of mixed sexes should be happening in a common area, no in-bedroom&Shut-doors ever (even with same sexes - the door can stay open), no upstairs without supervision... All this can be done naturally, without hinting at anything suspicious, just request they stay downstairs if the sexes are mixed or there is no one old enough to supervise.

    On the other hand, you can also determine whether you think this is necessary at all. Many would say it is not. I agree. Keep in mind, you are never forced to have sleepovers! It is not a sign of being friends with someone! I usually do not sleep over at my friend's house as an adult!

    An evening of visiting is plenty of time to visit with people. If you remain leary or uncomfortable of sleepovers even after the above ideas, then just say No! But do cultivate the friendship as a good, and arrange for other substitute activities...

    Your friends will get over it... explain it has nothing to do with being friends - just being prudent! Let them huff, if they feel the need You must do what YOU know is best for your family.
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