Help With Your Mother's Rule is a forum for women who want trouble-shooting
help with their Mother's Rules or about any aspect of the 5 Ps of
the married vocation.Ask Holly: This blog is composed of your questions. Contact me at the address listed on Holly's Helpers page and I will respond. Please share your unique ideas as well. The more ideas and experience we share, the more successful every mother will be in designing her own unique Mother's Rule.
I've pondered this all yesterday.... I have to chuckle.
ReplyDeleteIt can't be done... Well, I wonder how she would explain my life. I really do have my morning and evening prayer times, do my chores every day at breakfast, lunch and supper, homeschool 4 kids, get to Mass or do Scripture with the kids, do a daily rosary or chaplet, have time for spiritual reading, get my laundry done, usually get a walk in, do my finances and get the groceries... It can be done. I do it!
And not only that, as the rule of life has taught me self-discipline - in such a way that these things are all normal and natural to me now - I have been able to add the website work from time to time, and I am studying 3 hours a day for my Masters, and have been for over 2 years.
yes there are times when things change - like before Easter when I took 10 days off regular things and did up the income tax, worked on the website changes, spring cleaned the house, and engaged in the full prayers of the Triduum. But now those things have been cared for, and I am back on a basic schedule that does cover the major needs of my home. Although my home is not as spotless as it used to be, this is also a season of my life where priorities have been added and yet my home remains basically tidy most of the time.
Now. It is important for your friend to realize a couple of things.
First off - if anyone tries to live 'Holly's" rule, I am indeed sure they will find it impossible. My rule is for me, given my personality, my talents, my convictions about my motherly mission and the grace God has given me personally. And no where in "A Mother's Rule of Life" did I say that women should live "my" rule. It is something that has taken me a while to grow into.
But secondly, it is pretty obvious in MROL that women were to examine their own lives, determine their own particular priorities, and develop their own mother's rule - which can be (as I have said many times) as simple as a daily prayer routine to a full blown schedule. I have also offered help to anyone who asks, which in my mind rules out problems for those who do not have organizational skills.
Lastly, a rule of life must obviously be able to be lived - for religious convents and monasteries have lived a daily rule for centuries, not to mention the numerous lay persons throughout the history of the Church, and a rule of life is highly recommended by the Church as an important means of seeking Christian perfection (which means the fulfillment of duty and charism and the development of self-discipline.)
Is it true a schedule or rule cannot be lived? Well... no. That's not right. It can be lived. What else can I say??? :-)
I personally have never really been able to stick to a schedule. Even when I was single and working, yes, I had to get up every day and get myself to work, but beyond that, my time outside of work was always "go with the flow." Unfortunately, this only reinforced a lack of discipline in my life, that I still struggle with to this day. Right now, I have a small baby, and trying to live by a specific schedule is not working out at all, especially having not been in that habit before. But everything I plan seems to get blown away right away. Right now, I'm thinking the best place to start, for me, is just a "list" of things that I need to get to every day, and then just do these things as I am able. I'm sure that eventually, if I stick to that, I will find my own best rhythm, and maybe even be able to make a schedule, based on that rhythm. But I do need self discipline so that I don't just blow entire days just "going with the flow".
ReplyDeleteIt can be done.
ReplyDeleteI work full time, homeschool, and do not have the support of my husband in many areas of life. The spirituality behind Holly's book put into words and form so many of my own thoughts and feelings about my vocation and our particular situation...it made me realize that we could be "contemplatives" so to speak right here in our own homes, and lead our families to Jesus as well. For our family, there are days when things go awry and it seems really discouraging. The house becomes a mess after a visit from family, or prayers for an extremely dfficult situation seem like they are not being heard, or I compare our life to my perception of others lives and end up feeling like I'm failing, or maybe begin to get angry about the sacrifices I've made for our surival. But I find that taking the next day to slow down and put the household, including relationships, back in order, allows us to get back to our "rule". Over several years, and as kids (and adults) mature, it has gotten easier each day. But a rule of life is not impossible at all, truly, in any circumstances. It's all a matter of attitude.
You know - to the second person who is struggling with a new baby and schedule - it might be in your best interest to write down what you DO do in the run of a day, and write this down for a week. Then, see what comes NATURALLY and develop your schedule around this. (The workbook tries to assist in this process, btw...)
ReplyDeleteIn my own life, prior to the mother's rule, I tried schedule after schedule without really thinking it through and figuring out my own habits, preferences and realities (like that I find it hard to get up in the morning, so 5 am rising times don't work!)
It is important to remember that a rule of life helps us fulfill God's will in our vocations - some sort of rule, whether it takes the form of a daily or weekly schedule, or whether it take the form of a daily checklist of key essentials, or even a conscious well-thought-out attentiveness to the duties as they present themselves (Altho you'd have to be pretty organized to start out like this - most of us need to be 'trained' in our fidelity to duty by learning how to do it and practicing it)...
As a result, it all MUST be possible - because God does not ask of us the impossible. That would be quite cruel...
Where He calls He empowers. The key for me, was to look at it as "What does God want me to do" and try to fulfill that instead of the usual approach of "What do I feel like doing." This takes thought and planning and application to our unique circumstances.
From experience with failed attempts to follow schedules in the past (and even from time to time now,) I am to blame for the failure. I hear "whispers" and read "requests" from God through that still, small voice inside and from the words He's guided me to write down on paper. If I don't follow through in obedience, the schedule/rule/list is not to blame. The schedule/rule/list is not completed, but not impossible. My own willingness to complete it is to be questioned.
ReplyDeleteI MUST take a serious look at a variety of words including 'sloth' as Holly mentions in MROL. I need to think first in terms of the word 'vital.' Then, I add to it. With Holly's suggestions in MROL, I was able to create, recreate, reevaluate, and refine MY own Rule. I can't follow Holly's and she wouldn't want me to as it does not take into account my particular giftedness, dreams, family members, and goals in life. While we have similar interests our situations deem different Rules.
I've "collected" schedules, routines, curriculum suggestions, and prayers over the years. For years I didn't realize that trying desperately to follow someone else's list/schedule/curr. plan, etc. is the impossibility! I can take them now as suggestions and draw on their wealth of information. But, ultimately, I have to tailor it to me and my family. That said, if I don't actually implement the rule that I set out for myself, I have no reason to condemn the notion of a schedule. The sources from which they've a variety of suggestions have been found are reliable and successful. Which makes me realize that implementation is key for success.
Don't be discouraged by your friend's lack of faith in routine. We all can recognize that we've been in a similar frame of mind at some point. Be encouraged and determined to prove to yourself that it can be done in your life. This will ultimately bless your friend when shared by example and quiet witness. Any little gain in self-discipline should be cause for rejoicing! Share the good news with her and encourage her to give it a try. Even if it's "only" a laundry routine in the beginning, or a menu plan that you can count on for a month at a time. Once you see progress, you will add to it and be blessed to be a blessing!
HAVE COURAGE!
Becca<><
To the lady with a new baby--I know what you mean! and I am so-called "Born Organized". The first baby is so, so hard, especially if the babe is like my first, who had nothing resembling a natural schedule and who was high-need into the bargain. And who, just now, at the age of two and a half, is sleeping through the night.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Holly: write down what you DO get done. When you realize you've changed 25 dirty (cloth) diapers, 3 entire (baby) outfits and 2 (your own) shirts, as well as washed a load of diapers, cleaned up 967 cheerios that the baby dumped on the kitchen floor, and gotten the dog out of the driveway, it somehow doesn't seem so unreasonable that you didn't have time to change the sheets on your bed, too.
My other suggestion, unless your little one is happy on a blanket/in a bouncy chair/in a pack 'n play is to get a good baby carrier and use, use, use it. It saved my sanity.
And don't feel bad about letting the baby fuss in the crib or pack n' play a little while you get a shower (unless baby will shower with you--mine hate the shower). You'll feel better with clean hair.
Have a realistic expectation for what a house with kids in it looks like. This does not mean dirty and chaotic, but it does mean that your house can't look like it did before you had kids. (I.e., it is probably best to put your Limoge figurines away for several years, and you won't be cooking beef Wellington for supper every night--be happy if you can handle meatloaf.)
Make things easy on yourself. If you get prayer, laundry, meals, and airing out your bedroom accomplished all on the same day and the baby hasn't fallen down the stairs, well, congratulate yourself.
Breanna
P.S. Oh, and it helps to hang up a written copy of a prayer or a Scripture verse somewhere you know you'll see it every day until you get the thing memorized--like maybe on the window over your sink, or on the wall above your laundry hamper.
I was neevr able to follow a schedule until I found Holly's book. It changed my understanding of how to live. Using the "rule" halpes you united your efforts in homemaking and raising children with your apirtuality and it teaches you to build a responsible relationship. Moderations and taking one minute, hour, day, and week at a time helps build success. i also ready some books by Matthew Kelly which helped me learn to just make the "next right choice" to build success.
ReplyDelete