Help With Your Mother's Rule

Help With Your Mother's Rule is a forum for women who want trouble-shooting help with their Mother's Rules or about any aspect of the 5 Ps of the married vocation.

Ask Holly: This blog is composed of your questions. Contact me at the address listed on Holly's Helpers page and I will respond. Please share your unique ideas as well. The more ideas and experience we share, the more successful every mother will be in designing her own unique Mother's Rule.

Monday, April 12, 2010

New Baby Chaos?

Dear Holly,
I have read your book and used your workbook and love them! I had implemented it very well into our family with my daughter until we went away on holidays and then I didn't get the routine back when we returned, plus I was at end of my pregnancy with our second and it didn't happen. Now I'm going a little crazy with the chaos that is going on in my home with a 2 year old and a 2 month old. I'm rereading A Mother's Rule of Life and looking for other moms to read it with me to help us all implement it and stay accountable to each other. Do you have any tips on how implement a Mother's Rule of Life with a newborn and 2 year old when the newborn is nursing very frequently during the day and the 2 year old is constantly making messes around the house?
Posted by at 4:00 PM
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3 comments:

  1. I don't think you have as far to go as you think you do. Keep in mind, you implemented a rule that suited you and it worked well with one very small child. Now, you simply have another.

    First off, you have to give yourself another month to get to feel 'normal' and adjusted to the new little person who has graced your family. So, have patience on that front.

    Secondly though, it may help to realize that the little two year old constantly making messes around the house could very well have to do with Mummy not having a rule... and so she runs a bit free and is not supervised as well and messes ensue.

    Thirdly, remember that a rule is about basic essentials. I do not imagine that your essentials have changed much, so why re-invent the rule altogether from scratch? If your initial rule was planned with forethought and real consideration to the needs of your family, I suggest you attempt to live that exact same rule as a base and tweak it from there.

    I imagine you still want to try to serve meals at about the same time, and get your laundry done, and do your prayer etc... So, these things remain the same. What will change is many of the other leisurely things you may have done, for the time being, while all of you adjust to a new family member.

    If I were you, I would begin to re-implement the very same rule I had previously designed. BUT, I'd do this in 'assessment mode' - watching very very carefully
    What does work and what doesn't work and why? What is best to give more time to?
    What needs less time?
    What needs to be moved to another time of day?

    Write these ideas down as you examine them and think about them and pray about them, with the intent to 'keep the same' as much as you possibly can, because you have lived this and it fit with your family.

    As for a nursing child, write down for 3 days how this baby lives - when does he/she nurse? Does the child fall asleep after nursing? For about how long? Is there any extended nap time? By examining this, you can begin to determine a basic baby schedule and see how to arrange the two to work. Naps are good for housework or Mummy & Toddler nap times. Nursing is good for prayer time and husband chat time or story time.

    Does this give you some ideas?
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  2. This has been really helpful Holly! Thank you! I have realized that the messes My two year old was making have decreased since I reimplemented the rule and I'm able to get things done. I did have to get rid of a few things in my original schedule, but it's helping a lot. Thanks again! I also want to let you know that I am creating a little moms group to work together in implementing a MROL. Please let me know if you have any suggestions for this.
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  3. What I DO recommend is to remember to take to heart the 'heart' or 'spirit' of the rule, and not use MROL just as an organizing book.... It really needs to be entered into a mother's spiritual life to benefit from it's full fruit. All must be approached from the perspective of "What is *God's* will for me, not just my own will... So, I suggest a spiritual emphasis as a way to open your meetings and keep them on track.

    I also suggest here a reflective reading on the MROL Companion: "A Spirituality of Modern Motherhood" to help frame your discussions in context, as an opening activity for each session.

    We must be able to answer 'why' this is all God's Will, instead of feeling like blind puppets. God wants informed and cooperative participants in his will.
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