Help
With Your Rule
Beating the "Overwhelmed" Feeling
Dear Holly,
I feel like I can make a list of what needs to be done, but when it actually comes to implementation, I kind of become overwhelmed and really feel like I don't know how to do it. Am I being too perfectionistic? Are my expectations too high? I get frustrated with my family, because I can tend to blame them for feeling overworked. I know that's not completely fair, as this is my vocation and my duty. I guess I just desire us to work better together, so that I don't feel like it's "me vs. them" all the time. My husband is very supportive and very hands-on with the kids, but I think he, too, gets overwhelmed with daily reality and then gives up on trying to implement any type of routine. I feel like I am a fairly organized person ... I plan meals, do one load of laundry everyday (although sometimes I get a day behind ...), keep up with kitchen clean up ... But that is about as much as I get to consistently. The rest of the cleaning happens when I can fit it in, which is not my ideal ... I can't get past this overwhelmed feeling, as if I'm running into a wall! Ugh!!
posted by Holly at 9:16 AM
3 Comments:
Since you can get your meals in, and your laundry, I suggest it won't be that hard to pull things together. You may be a bit perfectionistic.
The way to avoid the overwhelmed feeling is to 'integrate' all of your duties into one easy manageable not-overwhelming routine , and to do this, you need to work on your INTENT.
If you begin to see EVERYTHING that happens to you and presents itself to you as Jesus saying to you "Will you do your laundry now? Now, will you go take the kids for the walk? Now, can you set them up to play and unload that dishwasher?" you can avoid the multi-distracted-mindset.
If you can focus on doing only ONE thing in your life - and that ONE thing is to do the Will of God for you - then everything else becomes simple. You are not to do 100 things to day - you are to do ONE thing - God's requests to you - which manifest themselves at each moment.
And you only need say "What is God asking of me right now? And will I say yes?" And that also includes "I am beat - and need a sit down. Sure Jesus, I will do this for you!"
The way to cope with the overwhelmed feeling is "To do all for You, Lord, because You ask it of me, out of love for You."
Try this today - approach each duty as a direct request from God. That way, you will begin to see that you are being faithful all day long. And you will know in your heart that you are trying to be on-task, and with your mind and heart focused on one thing, you won't feel so overwhlemed.
Remember, the heart of a rule is a relationship with God. And while learning to situate your heart and mind on God is NOT easy by any means, I believe He will give you the grace to learn this important and necessary lesson of the spiritual life through your motherly duties.
Re. the cleaning - I suggest a weekly clean - like, Thursday evening for the upstairs, and Saturday morning for the downstairs, when you do dusting and vacuuming and mopping. Schedule it to 2 hours each, or something similar, engage your husband, and just get done what you can.
I am having a very 'overwhelmed' day today. We have 2 daughters aged 3 and 1 and I am 3 months pregnant. For the last year we have been either selling our old house or renovating our new house, including weeks on end with no bathroom and then no kitchen. Those 2 essentials are now done (nearly) but there is still lots of plastering to be done, tools everywhere (my husband is doing it all himself) and the house never feels clean and tidy. I am beginning to feel like a rotten mother because I don't do as much painting etc with the kids at home as I'd like, I'm always worn out, and I can't have any guests over because of all the tools etc. And then I yell at the girls for pouring water all over the floor or something, when really its everything else that is driving me mad.
I have tried with a rule several times but keep being too exhausted to stick to it...but I know that the main thing I need to get sorted is my prayer life to get through these difficult times.
I like the idea of approaching each task as a request from God to do that one thing.
I think you'd especially appreciate the "A Mother's Fiat" post on the Thoughts for Mom blog (Nov 2008) - it is directly related.
Holly
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