Help
With Your Rule
Making Sundays a Re-Creation Day
Dear Holly,
I seem to have trouble figuring out what to do on Sundays. All week long I am busy, busy...homeschooling the kids (I have eight children, ages infant to 13 years old). So, I homeschool all week, clean all week, clean and try to catch up on "fires" on Saturdays. Then Sunday comes along and I have no idea WHAT to do. Everyone else seems to know how to relax. Why can't I? I have tried sewing and the little ones just end up tearing the pattern or scattering my pins and I end up frazzled and behind on all of my Sunday "work" which is really still there, right? (cooking, cleaning up after the kids and dishes etc.) I can't run off to town to shop since we are on a tight budget and gas is too high anyway. Do you have any tips on ordering your Sunday or have a good resource in mind (i.e. book) that spiritually deals with this issue? I thought maybe I am being selfish in wanting off time on Sundays and maybe I should be even MORE in the spirit of service with my family on this day. Also, when I do something that I want to do like order a closet, sew, etc. I end up feeling guilty for some reason. I am at a loss as to what a Catholic Mom of 8 should DO on Sundays at home since I don't want to just sit. I sit all week with school teaching and I just want to MOVE and clean and order my environment. Am I missing something here? Perhaps it is just a sinful temptation? I would love to hear ideas as to what to do on Sundays or how to relax. I have always had this problem with Sundays since I have been married with children. Any thoughts or suggestions? Do you have a rule suggestion? I guess part of me resents that everyone else CAN nap on Sundays, or play games and someone has to be "up" to watch all the little kids and that is always me. I feel terrible in saying that, but since I'm asking... might as well be honest. I think partly I am so tired I don't know just HOW tired I really am. So, I should take advantage of a "day of rest" but it doesn't seem to be my reality.
Labels: 2nd P Person
posted by Holly at 9:54 AM
2 Comments:
First off, I don't think you are alone in your feeling out of sorts on the Sabbath. I experienced this as a young Mom when my normal 'single' routine of sleeping in, meeting with friends over garlic cheese fingers and evening Mass was changed for early morning baby feedings, Mass in the morning due to husband preferences, and ongoing daily duties. I too occasionally battled feeling very resentful - when does Mummy get a rest, I wondered?
Also, in our culture, I notice a strange blend of workaholism and pleasure-seeking. We don't know what to do with 'dead space' in our schedules. If there is no event to go to and no work to do, we can be at a loss.
In addition, John Paul II in his encyclical "Deis Domini" mentioned the modern notion of 'weekend' as replacing the notion of Sunday. The emphasis on participating in sports, political or social activities has replaced the traditional understanding of Sunday as a 'holy day'. Now sports etc have the benefit of providing rest and even have a celebratory element, but does not capture the heart of "Sunday". So, it seems to me that it would be helpful to note what Sunday is.
Sunday is a commemoration of the Resurrection. It is a day called 'holy' and set apart by the Lord, where we are told to 'rest' from work. It is known as the Lord's day.
Yet, we know that there remains work for us to do as mothers. JPII notes that 'rest' does not mean 'inactivity', but is modeled after God's pondering on the 7th day the delight he felt in all the work he had done thru Creation. The Apostles also considered it the day to ponder on the great gifts given thru Christ's death and Resurrection - to celebrate Christ's victory.
This suggests to us that the heart of the 'rest' command is intimately linked to it's being kept 'holy'. And this suggests that rest is not physical inactivity, but to an experience of that which refreshes us - that the Lord calls us to a contemplative spirit - to be able to come into His presence in a profound way.
Thus, it is THIS union with God is what will re-create us, re-fresh us. This is VERY important. So it's not hanging around the house doing nothing, nor getting out to the beach that gives us new strength, but an immersion into God Himself.
And if JPII is telling us this, it is because God is more than willing, at this time in history, to make himself felt in our hearts. He is not calling us to 'dead space' in our prayer life nor to a Sunday bored and bleak. He is calling us to experience 'fire' , just like at Pentecost. And once we've felt this, we understand.
JPII mentions specific things that Christians are called to do on Sundays to keep it 'holy' which can aid us in determining how to spend our day, and in helping our whole family to experience Sunday as a holy day, as opposed to a stop-everything-and-let-Mummy-do-it-day:
1. An intense participation in the Sunday Eucharistic celebration, uniting ourselves with the community. Here, getting the whole family involved in Sunday ministry - as lectors, altar servers, music, collection, etc makes for active participation, in addition to the self-gift throughout the Mass.
2. Time of explicit prayer - perhaps a special type of prayer, like getting away for an adoration hour (Daddy could babysit) or a special devotion with the family that day, that is only done on Sunday. Even a special grace at supper, and the like.
3. Times of explicit catechesis - not just intellectual teaching, but good stories or movies or liturgical celebrations which teach the faith or saints' lives, and engage the whole person. This applies not just to Mummy, who may want to spend some 'study' time while hubby watches children, but also to activities you can do with the family as well to make Sunday 'holy'.
4. Interruption of work - specifically money making work, or unnecessary work. St Therese of Lesieux's father never opened his watch store on Sundays. I have never mopped and such on Sundays. We stick to basic meals, basic tidy and only essential laundry most of the time.
But you may want to look at lessening Sunday Chores - Ideas: things like paper plates for most of the day; or a pre-cooked Sunday roast and potatoes in the fridge, ready to heat up to avoid excessive time in the kitchen; or Daddy taking over making brunch; or ignoring tidying until after supper when a quick 30 minute tidy up by ALL of the family calls to an end the Sunday Sabbath.
5. Pilgrimages to nearby Shrines - where the family goes on a spiritual quest - perhaps with a specific intention in mind to pray for
6. The devotion to works of mercy, charity and the apostolate. The Pope himself mentioned entertaining guests who are poorer or need help, fixing meals for someone, visiting someone ill or elderly, helping the poor with a few hours of volunteer service. He said "look around to find people who may need {your] help."
And while mothering is a genuine apostolate, and you may only be able at this time to focus on family, attentiveness to the Holy Spirit may lead your whole family to some type of apostolic effort.
Also, in your situation, it also sounds as if husband is able to relax, perhaps to the exclusion of noticing you also need a break. Mummy is 'on duty' and so he can relax freely. I would have a serious talk with husband, and arrange for a couple of hours for you to go for private prayer or study, or a special walk or visit. I would also suggest that you ensure you are getting your own "Mother's Sabbath" to have time to refresh, even if it does not mean on Sunday.
In addition, I noticed you mentioned 'picking up after the kids'. With a 13 year old in the house, it sounds like you have also maintained sole responsibility for keeping the house clean during the day. Almost all of your children, aside from the very little, can assist in house tidy up, around meals or as a group together in the evening. And I would also engage husband to offer 30 minutes of his time to help teach the little ones how to tidy up, and to work with them as a team in a larger family clean up time.
I would also suggest that the inability to feel able to relax relates directly to a lack of sense of purpose on Sundays. It's likely you are so accustomed to 'giving' yourself, that you don't know what to devote yourself to. And that's good! There is nothing wrong with devoting yourself! And now you know JPII tells you it is to be devoted to Christ.
So, I would strongly encourage you to take JPII's document on 'Sunday' - the Day of the Lord - and use it as a reflection tool in front of the Blessed Sacrament on Sundays for the next little while - get your husband to watch the kids, venture to the Tabernacle for an hour each week, read and ponder the document and ask for the Holy Spirit's direct enlightenment. You can find it here if you cut and paste this into your address bar:
http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_letters/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_05071998_dies-domini_en.html
And as JPII said, regarding Sundays, "Do not be afraid to give your time to Christ!" He urges all of us to "rediscover Sundays".
Oh, and in addition, if cleaning out your closet on a Sunday afternoon is your way of having a refreshing putzing good time, then I'd say go to it. As Jesus showed us, God made the Sabbath for man, not man for the Sabbath. In my opinion, it has to be something that is truly enjoyable for you though, as a recreation, not driven and duty-oriented.
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