Help
With Your Rule
Husband Frequently Interrupts
Dear Holly,
Your book gave me real hope, but I have not been able to really establish a schedule as my husband works at home and interrupts us several times a day. I might be able to deal with that except for that I am not good at pulling things back together, so after a few times, I fade... We have discussed this to no avail, and I can't figure out how to work around it as every time I adjust what
we are doing to reflect the times he commonly comes in, it seems like he changes what he does. He is very people-oriented and friendly, so I can understand why he does this, but it's hard on whatever we are doing. Please help or I too may end up screaming at the table!!!!
Labels: 3rd P Partner
posted by Holly at 2:28 PM
3 Comments:
There are a number of things to try here, and these apply to normal circumstances, not emergencies or 'real need':
First, I'd sit down with my husband and work out 'work times' with him - so that he knew when both of us were going to 'work'.
Secondly, I'd explain to my husband, again, that I was finding it difficult to pull things back together after he interrupts, and ask him to help us both to determine in advance a 'break time' where we could check in with each other, between work times, to get that social dimension.
Thirdly, I'd go speak to my husband BEFORE each of my scheduled tasks (like schooling, etc) and say: "I am going into schooling now - is there anything you need before I start?" If he said "Yes..." I'd work with him then, and then repeat the question until he said, "No..." and then I'd say: "OK, so I expect not to be interrupted, right? But I'll see you in 90 minutes for a coffee break" And then I'd go to work.
Fourthly, if he came and then interrupted me, I'd calmly remind him that he promised not to interrupt, and that I'd talk at 'coffee break'.
If he persisted when it was not truly important, I'd either say "I am going to ignore you now because you promised you would not interrupt", or if he was oblivious to my actual need to continue with our agreed upon tasks, I'd ask him to stop being so rude.
In my opinion, while not wanting to run my home like a military barracks, I would still insist that, if I was struggling with keeping on task in essential duties, that he learn to respect the important things I had to do 'as wife', like homeschooling, or my own business work, or my studies or such important things - especially if I had brought this to him over and over and was really struggling with it.
I don't know if I'd be so concerned with smaller things like laundry, making meals - I'd probably focus on availability to my husband in such circumstances, but even this, within reason. Frankly though, social or not, if my husband would not cooperate so I could get my work done, I'd consider him in need of a bit of a lesson in consideration for others.
I agree. It used to drive me crazy when my husband was home on a weekday because the kids would keep asking when school would be over (Dad likes to play card games with them). My husband wasn't really standing behind me, wasn't being firm in stating that they need to finish schoolwork first. So I insisted he "take a hike" for a few hours. He would work on an outside project or just stay out of the dining room area where we do our schoolwork.
But I've also found that I can use this time for the kids to do some schoolwork with Dad. Like playing with math manipulatives or a math game, a science experiment, or practicing with measurements while baking cookies. A math game or spelling quiz can take just a few minutes but the kids like having Dad help with schoolwork too. Is there something school-oriented you could delegate to him when he comes into the room? "Megan was getting ready to read me the poem she just wrote, would you like to hear it?" "Have Dad give you your spelling test." "You and Dad go and find 10 objects and guess which ones sink and which ones float?"
When Dad started being firm in saying, "Finish your schoolwork first" the kids got the picture.
Thanks for those comments! My husband is a firefighter so his schedule does not fit our week (it changes every nine days, so it's hard to make it jive (sp?) with our school week)
I finally gave up on trying to make my schedule based on his, especially because even when he is off, sometimes he has other things to take care off. He is very understanding and wants to help out, but we figured it's best to have set schedule and then when he is there, he usually helps with the little ones.
I will ask him, though, not to call during school hours unless it's something urgent. I get side-tracked too easily!
But anyway, I love the idea of dad doing those other little educational things with the kids.
Thanks!
Isabel
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