Help
With Your Rule
The Clutter Of Unwanted Gifts
Dear Holly,
What do I do about gifts that clutter our house? People really mean well and we have asked not to bring gifts or to go for things like books or crafts (things the children can use). Regardless, we still receive and own and store gifts, largely given to the children, that are perfectly nice but that clutter our house. I'm afraid the gift givers will come over and say "how do you enjoy your such-and-such" and then think we are ungrateful and don't love them when we say we passed it on to someone else in need.
Now that I write that it sounds completely ridiculous. But still this is my struggle. Any thoughts to help with the situation?
Labels: 5th P Provider
posted by Holly at 4:46 AM
5 Comments:
I don't think your question sounds ridiculous. I think you are concerned about not offending those who love you, which is a real concern.
Sr. Jose Hobday in "Simple Living: The Path to Joy and Freedom" remarks how in Native culture, it is part of their tradition to pass along gifts, to share and spread the good with others. In our materialist and consumer society, the opposite is true - we possess, we keep, we hoard. Since we place so much value on 'stuff', we are offended when people don't love what we ourselves value.
I think that the answer is twofold.
First, to practice a basic simplicity in our homes. If someone gives us a gift and we let it go, but keep a rather large pile of other 'stuff' of our liking, they can get the impression that we simply 'don't like them' - that their stuff, representing them, is not as good as your preferred 'stuff'. Generally though, if they see us living a life of real simplicity - a reduction of clutter in our homes - they will inherently understand that it doesn't fit with our lifestyle.
Then, our warning to not give gifts can be accompanied by comments such as, "I probably won't keep anything anyway, as we are trying to live more simply," and "Given the extreme poverty in the world right now, one of the biggest gifts you could give is an offering to our favorite charity instead," and be ready with a contact number...
Second though, I would also suggest an emphasis on 'relationality'. It is part of human nature to be in relation with others - we are connected by virtue of our common origin at creation and our common destiny and our solidarity as human beings. In other words, we need each other to be whole and happy people.
I would focus then on hospitality and fostering friendship. Why not suggest, "Instead of a gift at this time of year, why not pick up some steaks and come over for a BBQ with the family? It would be good to spend some time with you." Then, the shared meal, and money directed toward an event together would eliminate the gift-issue altogether, but would make the others feel very much like an appreciated part of your life.
I don't think your question is ridiculous either. My husband and I have spent several Christmas' piling gifts into the suburban wondering, "Where are we going to put all this new stuff???!!!" Or feeling overwhelmed with stuff when four sets of grandparents, a great aunt and uncle, another aunt, and a family friend all give a birthday gift to our child (and we have five children). That's a lot of stuff to accumulate year after year.
So when Christmas time nears and family/friends ask, "What should we get the children?" suggest one gift they all could share (wooden train set, DVD, dominos, lincoln logs). Or suggest practical gifts like clothes. My girls have loved a sparkly T-shirt or a shiny purple winter coat... and grandma likes to shop for these things. My boys like a shirt or jersey of the university team nearby. When my mother-in-law asks my husband what I would like, he suggests something we need like dish towels or kitchen utensils or bath towels. And my grandma always gives socks... yea! I can throw away my old ones that have holes in the heels.
Oh... I forgot...
The kids have loved gifts that were things we would need for educational purposes anyway. A child's microscope, a kit of plastic human body parts that assemble, magnet sets, a DVD teaching kids how to speak Spanish, piano music, CD of psalms and hymns, etc.
I love your weblog! I've had your book for years, but just discovered this site. I will be checking in frequently...as what is posted ALL seems to relate to me in one way or another at different points in my life!
Thank you, thank you for sharing yourself, your gifts, and your wonderful wisdom!
Thank you Laura for your kind words. Enjoy the site!
Holly
Post a Comment
<< Home