Help
With Your Rule
Too Many Variables Mess Up Mummy!
Dear Holly,
I love your book and have read it several times over. I have written out my rule which should work out well but I'm having problems here. It seems something is always happening and I can never even start the rule!! My husband works 3rd shift and has strange days off. On those days, I'm often up late with him and then we don't wake up until late and the whole day is off. Or we have doctors appointments, dentist, grocery runs to do, usually a once a week playdate with different friends, library books due etc. On the days we have nothing going on it seems I'm busy catching up- laundry, housework, emails etc. The phone is always ringing and at times I am just so lonely for adult conversation I pick it up for "just a few minutes" and before I know it 1/2-1hour is just gone and of course the kids (2,4,7,10) have long blown off what they were suppose to do because mom has. I feel like my choices are rigged and lonely or laid back yet chaotic and disorganized! How do you actually get into the habit? With shopping, errands or emails or phone calls I have a set time but then I feel like that is just hanging over my head and I want to get it done and out of the way as fast as possible and that in turn messes up the rest of the routine. I know I'm causing my own troubles here but I think I'm so caught up in it I can't see the solution. Any advice or if something like this has been answered somewhere on your site if you could direct me to it, I sure would appreciate it.
Labels: About a Rule of Life
posted by Holly at 3:04 PM
1 Comments:
I am not sure that your issue is a 'habit' issue, and I don't think there is anything wrong with you! I think a few ideas may help:
1. Always start your rule with the 1st P. Always start with prayer. So, set your morning and afternoon/evening prayer time first. This is the 'only' thing you immediately begin, for this is the very heart of your rule, and that which will empower and clarify the rest. You see, a rule is a response to God's call. You can't hear or discern if you are not in touch with him in a committed regular fashion. So, just do it.
Nothing comes before your prayer times. If they end up scheduled wrong, keep setting a new time until you find one that works. I suggest first thing in the morning with your coffee, and perhaps right after lunch during a quiet time for the kids. Or, maybe you can do a whole hour in the evening if you are a night owl! Family can meet in the evening for a family prayer time.
2. Your time on the telephone is not a weakness, per se. We are born 'relational beings'. We do not function well without social contacts and friendships. Your 'temptation' to talk on the phone during the day reflects a real need. The only concern is 'when'.
So, I would want to have you schedule friend time on a weekly basis, for sure, and even phone time daily - perhaps say, 3pm or during a coffee break time - every day, so you can count on talking to an adult. And if phone time doesn't work, try email or an internet discussion group.
The secret is to recognize the validity of this time and set it aside as a valuable part of your day. Then you won't have to 'steal' it from other times.
3. I think regarding your husband's job schedule - you have a 'template' issue. You are probably functioning on a Monday to Friday work week in your mind, yet your family does not live a M-Fr work week. It is instead based upon your husband's schedule. So, you may need to think 'out of the box'.
What if, instead of planning your week around M-Fr and weekends, you instead planned it around your husband's day off? Can his day off become your center for the week? Can you alter your daily schedule to accommodate a late rising time and thus, a later bedtime? Like, can you do your laundry in the evenings after the kids go to bed, during commercials or something? Can you set later supper and lunch times? Perhaps talking to your husband about some of these ideas may spur both of you to setting a unique family schedule, which may not be like the rest of the neighborhood's.
4. As for appointments, errands, etc you have some control over these. I live out of town by 30 minutes, so I only go in on Saturdays or every other Saturday. I make a list and do it all at once, and make a day of it. If at all possible, book your doctor appt's on those days, or switch your errand day to a day when the doctor can take you.
5. Initially, I would also encourage you to take the summer and do a complete home clean out - and a room-by-room analysis. This will eliminate extra stuff from your home and reduce clutter, and enable you to set up daily and weekly chores which maintain the home, instead of 'catch up'. When things are overwhelming, stop for a day or two - clean the house up and then resume the schedule.
If this happens too often, analyze why there is not enough regular cleaning/laundry time in the weekly or daily routine and add more cleaning time. It may be something like - Saturday mornings, the downstairs and Thursday evenings the upstairs, and laundry every evening. Or, the day after Daddy's day off is cleaning day...
I think if you worked on these basic things, step by step, you will be able to adjust your rule . For, if you do not live your rule, you really don't have a rule. You have only some 'ideas' which obviously aren't working. Stay in assessment mode - if it doesn't work, try to analyze why.
Start with prayer. I think things will come together if you follow this. If not, keep in touch.
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