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Help With Your Mother's Rule
Help With Your Mother's Rule is a forum for women who want trouble-shooting
help with their Mother's Rules or about any aspect of the 5 Ps of
the married vocation.
Ask
Holly: This blog is composed of your questions.Contact me at the address listed on Holly's Notebook page
and I will post questions and answers. Please share your unique ideas as well. The more ideas and experience we share,
the more successful every mother will be in designing her own unique
Mother's Rule.
Holly Pierlot
A Mother's Rule of Life Companion
Establishing Your Practical Rule - Printable Workbook
Where I Can Purchase the Mother's Rule Workbook
Clamouring for Mummy's Attention
Dear Holly,
I have 4 children. We have a rule in progress. However, it seems as thoughmy children always want more time with me (or Dad, but mostly me!).
The 4 year old behaves so much better when he gets lots of storytime and games with me. However, at what point will he stop doing "naughty" things (hitting, noises, etc.) to get my attention. Will I ever be able to fill this child's emotional need? At the same time, the 8 year old says he doesn't get any attention, not enough stories away from said little brother, he has to do too much stuff on his own, etc. How does he forget the hours spent playing catch? Then the older 2 will be fine and then want a game when they are supposed to be in bed.
Our rule is in progress so perhaps as our rule gets executed better, everyone will find they are getting enough of me. In the
meantime, if I try to give everyone the attention they are demanding, time for chores, work, and me gets neglected which makes me irritable and frustrated. Basically, everyone wants me all the time. And then when Dad gets home, it seems fair that he should have a few minutes to change and shift gears, but he seems to have so little patience for the little people wanting and needing a bit of his time and attention. Because of all these circumstances, I feel as if I am always on duty which makes me even more frazzled feeling. And with our homeschool year about to begin again, I'm thinking we have to be able to improve upon this. Help?Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 2:26 PM
3 comments
About a Spiritual Director
Dear Holly,
I am looking for advice about finding a spiritual advisor. I became a Catholic about 9 years ago and feel as though I need more information and guidance than my RCIA classes were able to provide. So how do I go about getting a spiritual advisor? Who can be a spiritual advisor? Any advice?Labels: 1st P Prayer
posted by Holly at 3:17 PM
2 comments
Struggling with Finding Prayer Time
Dear Holly,
I have really searched myself wondering if I'm just putting off prayer or if I really struggle to find a time, and have found the latter to be the case; I would really appreciate any insight you can offer here. I have two children, 2 1/2 and 7 months, who wake up around the same time I do. And though I can get a prayer time in when they both nap, often I want a nap myself, or for whatever reason find myself going from one to the other with no personal time, or the time for prayer occurs so late in the day that I'm exhausted and am able to give so little to it. While the other Ps have their different levels of difficulty, this one in particular demands alone time, which is so hard to come by as a mom of small children.
I know that prayer is very important, and that we can hardly put it off until during these childbearing/young children years. I truly do not understand, however, how to make it a consistent part of my life. Is the answer to allow for inconsistent times?Labels: 1st P Prayer
posted by Holly at 4:04 PM
9 comments
Rotating Books?
Dear Holly,
When you sort/rotate kids' toys, do you also rotate their books as well? Or do you make them all available at all times? I
initially thought it best to keep all my kids' books available, but am rethinking this now. We are starting to get so many, they are getting overwhelming.Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 1:33 PM
4 comments
Toddlers & Feast Days
Dear Holly,
We have two young boys, 2 years old and 6 months. We would like to start celebrating feast days with our oldest, but don't know where to begin. We have never celebrated feast days and were wondering how to do so with a young toddler. Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated!Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 1:24 PM
3 comments
When Husband Travels...
Dear Holly,
I have two questions having to do with the fact that my husband travels for work and so is out of town more than he is home. Typically he will be away for 3 weeks to a month and then home for anywhere from a few days to two weeks. Because of the nature of his job, he never knows more than a day or two in advance when he will be leaving or coming home.
First question, I'm not sure how to add the "3rd P" to my rule. When he is gone there is little I can do other than be available to receive his phone calls or chat with him online.
Second, I don't know how to keep my rule and schedule intact when he is home. Would it be more realistic, do you think, to have a completely different and more "open" schedule when he is home?
We are hoping he only has to work like this another year or two, but I have to figure out the best way to deal with it in the meantime.Labels: 3rd P Partner
posted by Holly at 1:11 PM
2 comments
Multi-Faceted Discipline Issues
Dear Holly,
This question has come up with countless women I have spoken with and is much discussed between my sister and I after a "trying day" with our youngsters. A number of my friends have 3 or 4 small children (under age 5) very close together is age. While we all use corporal punishment, many of us try to only use it when absolutely necessary. What we find very confusing is the use of time-outs, whether they be in a child's room, a corner or on a naughty step.
Let me provide you with an example: Child is blatently disobedient when mommy asks them to stop pushing a sibling. Child is warned once (or not at all), then sent to the time-out (mother simply says "time-out") for an appropriate time (timer is set for minutes according to their age). No discussion occurs until after the timer has gone off.
At this point a few things can happen. Child will refuse to stay in time-out or will start screaming and throwing a tantrum. Alternately, child completes time-out and then apologizes. A few minutes later the child is reapeating the undesireable behaviour.
According to many modern "pop psychologists" you are to allow the child to scream and throw a fit in the time-out, but to us this seems to be unfair to the rest of the family who must endure this racket and shows a complete lack of respect for everyone else who is trying to continue with their lives. If the child refuses to stay in time-out and you spend the entire time picking up their rag doll body and returning them to the time-out, we also feel the time-out wasn't really "completed". Some other children are quite apathetic and will accept the time-out and then simply apologize and continue with the bad behavior. In all of these examples we feel that the time-out was ineffective and requires a follow-up form of discipline.
Should the child have to repeat the time-out? Should the timer not be started until the child is quiet ready to begin the time-out? Should this be a spanking?
So our question is definitely multifaceted and requires a number of answers. I have read countless books on discipline and unfortunately none addresses the exact steps required for any different circumstance. Holly would you please help put this issue to rest. Please be specific!
What do we do if they start screaming in time-out? What do we do if they refuse to stay in time-out? What do we do if they repeat the bad behavior immediately after a time-out? Are time-outs something that just need to be repeated everytime a child requires punishment and no positive effect will be seen for years? Please help us provide firm, yet constructive discipline to our young children and help us live our Mother's Rule of Life.Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 1:48 PM
14 comments
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