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Help With Your Mother's Rule
Help With Your Mother's Rule is a forum for women who want trouble-shooting
help with their Mother's Rules or about any aspect of the 5 Ps of
the married vocation.
Ask
Holly: This blog is composed of your questions.Contact me at the address listed on Holly's Notebook page
and I will post questions and answers. Please share your unique ideas as well. The more ideas and experience we share,
the more successful every mother will be in designing her own unique
Mother's Rule.
Holly Pierlot
A Mother's Rule of Life Companion
Establishing Your Practical Rule - Printable Workbook
Where I Can Purchase the Mother's Rule Workbook
Thinking Things Through a Little More...
Dear Holly,
I have started re-reading your book. I really feel like it is the first time reading it. It is amazing. What I have picked up so far is this...... I felt like for the first time I was being given permission to take care of myself, without feeling selfish. What I mean is that when it comes to exercising, this is something I would love to be doing (we even got a membership to a local gym last summer, which we have NEVER used) but I always feel like I would be taking too much time away from my family. When I read your overview I felt that I was being given permission to do this.
Now the other point that has really struck me has to do with something I read in the first chapter - you mentioned how you made up your schedule; and what struck me is that you didn't base it on what "should" be done, but you based it on what everyone (and the house) NEEDED! I have been realizing a lot lately, in every aspect in my life, that I am so focused on what "should" be getting done that I haven't noticed what "needs" to get done. Does that make sense? I have noticed this in everything from housework to schoolwork.
So I am taking baby steps to my new rule. I am working on prayer right now, and hopefully one day soon I will do my room inventory. I am still trying to get everything else done (school, housework, etc), but I look forward to the day when they all have their "place". Please keep up your wonderful work. I really appreciate the time and effort you are putting into this, it is truly beneficial. It may take me a long time to get my act together, but I am hopeful that I will eventually.Labels: About a Rule of Life
posted by Holly at 6:14 PM
1 comments
Homeschool: Marking, Corrections & Discussions
Dear Holly,
I have a question about homeschooling. I have individual times for each kid during school hours then later in the day I give them some "homework" to do on their own. Problem is I don't have a good system on how to check and go over their work. I like to go over it with them but it ends up taking an hour to go over their work, correct mistakes and talk about whatever we need to talk about. I enjoy spending individual time with each but I can't do it with the 3 that are doing school everyday. I thought maybe spending an hour a week with each one and their work but I'm afraid that there will be so much to go over. I haven't tried it yet.. suggestions?Labels: Homeschooling
posted by Holly at 3:10 PM
2 comments
Paper Clutter...
Dear Holly,
I am completely overwhelmed by paper clutter. About a year and a half ago I hired a professional organizer, and among other things she got my files in order (her order!) and made decisions for me on what could be shredded and what needed to be kept. I had her back 2 or 3 times while I was still working, and she would help me get caught back up, but in between those times the mail would just pile up and overwhelm me. Since I'm no longer working, ( I am home with my two young children) it has been quite a while since she was here, and it's getting pretty bad. I never seem to know what to do with the stuff that comes in. I avoid the mail as long as possible, sometimes being late on bills, because it is so overwhelming to me. When I do open it, I never know what is OK to throw away and what to keep. It's almost like I'm paralyzed when I look at the paper in my hand and try to figure out what to do with it. Then of course besides the mail there is all the kiddos artwork and the drawers of unorganized pictures and parephernalia that I want to get scrapbooked (when the babies get older and I have time to do fun things for me again) and the Christmas cards and the magazines I want to read but never seem to have time to and my NFP charts and... (etc.) I grew up with an entire family of the "hold on to everything, you never know when you might need it" mentality; I think this is part of my problem. Organization just does not come naturally to me though, and I have never been able to find a way to organize papers that makes sense to my brain. I also hate files because I am a very "out of sight, out of mind" kind of person. On the other hand, I don't want or need all this stuff IN sight and therefore constantly in my mind and overwhelming me.Labels: 5th P Provider
posted by Holly at 3:13 PM
10 comments
About Meal Planning...
Dear Holly,
I have 3 boys, ages 2 to 5, and the eldest is in kindergarten. I have another baby coming in the summer and I plan to homeschool next fall. I'm a little nervous that I will not be organized or able to do it at all. One of my biggest difficulties is FOOD!! Time and time again---after racing thru a busy day--4 o'clock rolls around and I am thinking to myself, "What should I make for dinner?" I'm a planner by nature--except when it comes to dinner! I am a last-minute Lucy. Luckily, my husband likes to cook, and usually bails me out--but I have realized that a failed meal plan is costly, and wasteful. Do you have a good recommendation for a healthy meal planner--one that is easy, and nutritious? Part of the problem for me is, I am not into processed or convenience food--so everything I make is from scratch which is very time-consuming. I probably need to spend one day cooking all day--preparing food/ lasagnas for example and freezing them-- I am just not motivated to cook--I'd rather clean house all day than cook, but I know it's important and I want my family to eat healthy. I am not happy with myself that I end up "throwing something together" at the last minute--and being under stress, when I should have planned a menu. I am the cooking procrastinator!! Please helpLabels: 5th P Provider
posted by Holly at 12:05 PM
10 comments
Confused About Varying Daily Duties
Dear Holly,
I am a bit confused about how to record daily jobs that change. Some days I have exercise and other days I don't. I can't seem to find a way to keep my schedule on a single page. Any ideas?Labels: About a Rule of Life
posted by Holly at 12:31 PM
1 comments
Role of Husband in a Mother's Rule
Dear Holly,
What was the role of your husband in your mother's rule? My husband is adjusting to a new job and is working long hours. I was wondering what kind of expectations did you have for your husband?Labels: 3rd P Partner
posted by Holly at 10:36 PM
5 comments
Opus Dei and Motherhood...
Dear Holly,
I want to suggest another book for your reading list:-). Scott Hahn writes about his experience and membership in Opus Dei in a new book called Ordinary Work Extraordinary Grace (I'd double check that title)-his style is so wonderful, you can feel the beauty of Opus Dei and it's nice to be familiar with his voice because I can hear him telling his story-it really hits home. I tell you because the Mothers Rule of Life, for lack of a better way to put this;) is sooooooo Opus Dei-again, I am struck by the confirmation I am finding! I believe you have a patron saint for your book! I, myself, am and have been for the past two years in the midst of a heavy battle with living through a rule, but time and time and time...:) again, it is confirmed for me that this is God's call to me. Even in one of the pamphlets from the Opus Dei priest, he talks about the Loaves and the Fish!!!
Scott also talks about how people balk at the Opus Dei "plan of life"-basically a prayer rule. But he then says his spiritual director helped him to implement each step little by little and he had extraordinary amounts of time to complete things, or experienced an unexpected relief from duties, or became far more productive in the same amount of time, all the while coming closer to God and improving his relationships with family and friends! The similarities are so striking. So, I am praying to St. Josemaria Escriva to help me and I know he will! Also, maybe to post, Opus Dei priests are particularly called to helping the laity sanctify their daily work and they offer so much in the way of spiritual direction and formation. Perhaps this is the best place many of the moms who long for spiritual direction, as I do, can look for that long lost spiritual director!!!Labels: 1st P Prayer
posted by Holly at 7:35 PM
2 comments
Discerning How to School the Children
Dear Holly,
I have three young girls--4, 2.5 and 1. My 4-year-old is in preschool 2 days/week and also attends Catechesis of the Good Shepherd one day/week. She loves these activities so much. I've definitely seen her blossom in the past 2 months! It's hard to transfer that joy in school to home, though. I ask her if she wants to do this or that, and she doesn't! I ask her to help me, and she doesn't want to do it, even though I know she is responding at school. And then, I get upset, which I know doesn't help the situation! Ugh!! My desire is to really embrace my vocation as wife and mother. I don't know if I've really claimed it the way I need to, and I feel like I'm at a road block, and I'm not sure how to get past it. Any thoughts or suggestions?
More specifically, I have a question(s) regarding how to discern schooling options. In 1 1/2 years, my oldest will be in Kindergarten. Does her love for regular school play a factor in our discernment? Part of me really is attracted to homeschooling, yet I honestly do not know if I have what it takes. How do you discern your own personality to determine if this would work? What about the child's personality? In a way, part of me thinks it would be easier for me if my children went to school, but I know that is not the reason to send them. It has to be best for everyone, the kids and Mom, and I guess I just don't know how to discern that. Plus, my girls are so close in age (one year a part in school) that I don't know how it would work for me to school the oldest while the others are at my feet the whole time. Sure, it might be nice once they're all school age, but it seems a bit overwhelming now.Labels: 4th P Parent, Homeschooling
posted by Holly at 7:07 PM
5 comments
Balance in All Things
Dear Holly,
I have to say one of my biggest personal struggles as a mother has been mental. As an eager, enthusiastic young Catholic, I adopted the typical Sears (attachment parenting) books and Kippley (Couple to Couple League) resources. They were recommended to me by aunts and friends as being truly the "Catholic" "Gospel" way to parent...the only way to truly lay down your life for your child etc. etc. Well, not only did the whole ecological breastfeeding not work (I was pregnant again when my first son was 5 months) but I found myself so incredibly inbalanced and unstable that I fell into about a year and a half of depression. I will acknowledge that some of this was due to my own personal struggle with despair and my physiological condition. Even with my spiritual director encouraging balance and convincing me that I should not feel guilty putting my child in a crib or limiting his nursing time, regular sessions with a good therapist, and constant dialogue with my wonderful husband on the matter, it took me over a year to unwind myself and "heal" so to speak.
I only share this because I want to thank you for being humble enough to share everything you have done with your kids, from sleeping and eating to educating. You have helped me tremendously because what resonates through your writing is balance, peace and common sense. I think it's easy as a zealous Catholic to desire the "holiest" style of parenting and unfortunately there are certain authors who claim to really have the ticket. When it comes to parenting, hasn't God given us the tools we need in the Holy Spirit and our intellect to discern for ourselves how best to raise our children?
Anyhow, enter Kathryn Sansone the author of "Woman First, Family Always." She's a beautiful, positive Catholic mother of ten who had the humility (like you) to simply write a book describing what has worked for her. She gives several practical words of wisdom dealing with the 3 P's of person, partner and parent. Her treatment of spirituality lacks depth but I think that had more to do with her secular publisher. It's a simple, easy read that's perfect for young mothers like me who may struggle with guilt and want to know it's okay to do certain things that have been given a "taboo" label by certain Catholic camps (like bottle feeding or leaving our kids with a babysitter to exercise or having a date night with our husband!). I've read MROL and Kathryn's book both over and over because at least in my little world, they complement each other and always offer what I need to hear...which most of the time is Balance, Balance, Balance!Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 2:09 PM
8 comments
Does a Rule Mean A Loss of Spontaneity?
Dear Holly,
I live in an urban area --- my kids and I walk to school each day, we walk home again, and a large part of our day involves seeing friends in town (at Mass, school, or in the park). I like to have some "spontaneous" time to be able to have coffee with a friend who needs to talk, etc.... and I'm wondering whether that is compatible with living the rule. If I am living within a rule, will I still be able to go out for coffee with a friend at a moment's notice?Labels: About a Rule of Life
posted by Holly at 5:12 AM
1 comments
A "Rule" Too "Monastic" for Motherhood?
Dear Holly,
A "rule of life" is usually associated with monastic and religious communities. But I've never heard it recommended for lay women before. Does living by a "rule" run the risk of bringing a "monastic" spirit into lay family life? I'm just curious about this. I know that many religious groups in the Church reccommend that lay persons follow at least a "plan of life" or a "program of
prayer" --- but these seem to me much more "lay" than a total "rule." Any thoughts on this?Labels: About a Rule of Life
posted by Holly at 5:03 AM
4 comments
Afraid of Formalizing a Schedule
Dear Holly,
I have six children at home. I also go to school part time and try to carry on an active apostolic life too. As I've grown as a woman, as a daughter of God, as a wife and a mother, I've gotten into many habits which seem like your "rule" - like the general progression of the day, times for prayer, work, cleaning, laundry, and tidying and meal prep. So my days look pretty similar when you look at the progression of things. But the timing changes from day to day and I usually leave things up to chance (or my whims, I guess) as to when I actually do them. Or else as the day starts it is just obvious what to do first, what second, etc.... usually orchestrated around a variety of breastfeedings, diaper-changings and toddler-handling!
What I'm wondering is, what is the advantage in taking what I am already doing and turning it into a formal "rule" --- will I feel stifled by the formality of it, or will I get discouraged if once I make it formal I don't achieve it? I am worried about this because so often when I make lists or schedules I don't end up sticking to them or "things" come up that get in the way. The idea of turning my whole life into a kind of schedule scares me because it would seem so discouraging if I get off the track.Labels: About a Rule of Life
posted by Holly at 4:49 AM
1 comments
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