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Neglecting Our Own Needs - A No-No!
"...he who devotes himself to the conversion of souls and forgets the wants of his own soul falls into a...dangerous illusion. God wills that we should love our neighbour as ourselves, but not more than ourselves; that is, our love of neighbour should not induce us to neglect ourselves...
Bernard of Clairvaux wrote the following words to Pope Eugenius III: "If you are devoted to everybody, be also devoted to yourself. Otherwise what would it profit you to devote yourself to everyone, if you were to be lost? Reserve also some time, some care for yourself... Begin by first taking care of yourself. In vain would you devote yourself to the care of others, if you were to neglect your ownself. Care for yourself first and last..." "
from "Inner Strength for Active Apostles" byFr Jean-Baptiste Chautard, SophiaInstitute Press, Manchester, NH, 2003, pp34-35.
posted by Holly at 4:01 PM
1 Comments:
Let's re-phrase that:
"She who devotes herself to the raising and education of her children and forgets the wants of her own soul, falls into a dangerous illusion. God wills that she should love her family as herself, but not more than herself-that is, love of her family should not induce her to neglect herself!..."
Love of neighbour does not mean ignoring one's own needs - most especially, it does not mean going without prayer due to the imaginary "lack of time". Even the Cure of Ars, known for his penances, did not neglect his own prayer life (even if he is not a great model of physical self-care!) And think of JPII -as he DID model physical and personal self-care - with his hikes and skiing and swimming to keep himself in shape - to keep his mind clear, his body fit, to lessen obstacles to the smooth sailing of grace in his mind and heart!
We are called to attend to our legitimate needs, SO THAT we will be healthy for our families, and live long enough to raise them and see our grandchildren and help there too - God willing.
Adequate prayer, sacraments, spiritual reading - these are the top priorities which must not be neglected in any way. We need to be united with God - to do all for, with and in Him.
But also, our second P counts too. Not selfishly following interests and personal desires and ignoring our family and vocation. But to make sure that basic physical needs are met on a regular basis - such as proper sleep, solid nutrition, temperance, exercise.
And that our psychological needs are also attended to so that we don't burn out - like intimacy with husband and rapport with friends;the basic development of hobbies and talents (which are not going to conflict with our other responsibilities first).
All of these are meant to have a role in our lives- all lived in balance with the other responsibilities of our vocation.
At times, some things will have to be sacrificed - and in our faith, we know these are acts of love - to give up legitimate needs to meet the needs of others in love- like the loss of sleep due to a new baby, or the postponement of career desires due to family needs with young children, or a lowering of income to focus on family.
But basic personal 'needs' versus wants, are to be considered valid and necessary, and we strive to include them , our daily lives, not because we want them, but because they are part of God's plan for us to be healthy and whole.
And we attend to our health and prayer, not to the deteriment of our family duties, but in place of other self-led, whim-based, less important activities which do us no good - like excessive tv, or too much telphone time, or too much computer time!
Don't ignore these 1st & 2nd Ps! They are part of God's intent for us. "Begin by taking care of yourself!" Or the fruit we bear in family life may not be as sweet as we had wished, coming at the expense of a withering tree!
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