Help
With Your Rule
Struggling with Finding Prayer Time
Dear Holly,
I have really searched myself wondering if I'm just putting off prayer or if I really struggle to find a time, and have found the latter to be the case; I would really appreciate any insight you can offer here. I have two children, 2 1/2 and 7 months, who wake up around the same time I do. And though I can get a prayer time in when they both nap, often I want a nap myself, or for whatever reason find myself going from one to the other with no personal time, or the time for prayer occurs so late in the day that I'm exhausted and am able to give so little to it. While the other Ps have their different levels of difficulty, this one in particular demands alone time, which is so hard to come by as a mom of small children.
I know that prayer is very important, and that we can hardly put it off until during these childbearing/young children years. I truly do not understand, however, how to make it a consistent part of my life. Is the answer to allow for inconsistent times?
Labels: 1st P Prayer
posted by Holly at 4:04 PM
9 Comments:
I think we have to go on the basis that God does not ask the impossible, and as far as I know, morning and evening prayer are, at the least, an obligation of the faithful.
First off, I think that keeping things simple is mandatory. You do not need a detailed prayer life, just a prayer life. Your topsy-turvey life with new children is a culture shock and takes some getting used to and no one is going to diminish the reality of this.
Second, I would incorporate my children into my prayer as much as possible. Family evening prayer - a decade of the rosary said together with Daddy & kids - helps. You can most certainly pray while you nurse - say, to invoke the Holy Spirit, and pray a memorized morning offering, act of consecration, and Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be. I always found memorized prayers helped put my whole mind and heart into the proper frame.
You can teach these to the little toddler or you can just say them aloud. You can keep the toddler with you or you can let him run off or eat while you serve breakfast. But you can pray these prayers in the morning regardless of when your children get up.
I think that, if we cannot go to a physical room and close the door, as is often the case with young children, we can go to the quiet space within ourselves, which is our heart... way down deep, where we converse with God. This space is where prayer really occurs, and we can retreat into our hearts with practice, to find there the God who loves us. Some women take advantage of loading the laundry and find 'inner silence' amid the chug of the washer.
I think that a quiet time in the afternoon when your toddler has a down time can also be a moment for Mummy of meditation or spiritual reading.
I think that having Daddy hold the kids for 10-15 minutes after supper is another time one could find for prayer.
I think that prayer can also be placed in a short time slot replacing a television program. Not saying that you do, but if we can watch an hour or more of tv a day, we can find time for prayer. It is a priority issue. So, if you watch tv, there's a handy spot.
When the children go to bed is another time. A good spiritual reading book for 15 minutes to recollect you would be an asset here to calm you for the evening with your husband.
Short goodnite prayers at bedtime would work.
And also, you could begin to practice 'ejaculatory prayer' - which is "I do this, for love of you, because you ask it of me Lord" or "All for you Jesus" before doing things like dishes or changing a diaper - these times when the mind and heart are free but the body is occupied (manual labor) are ideal for prayer.
If you look at your prayer life as developing a REAL relationship with God - and you began to spend a bit of time having a coffee with him (in that mentality) instead of as a duty - then you would find time. If your friend was coming over, how would you spend time with her? Surely you have time for a friend even tho you have children?
if so, then how can you arrange things so you can spend time with your God who loves you?
I wonder if it is not a matter that you have not really experienced Jesus as your lover, friend and personal best friend - because, if you had, you would make time, like you do with your husband and friends and other pursuits.
And that points to something everyone else knows who prays - that there is a sacrifice involved. We have to give up other things to set our priorities straight. I too dont' always want to go do my half hour of mid-day Scripture reading. And I too find it a struggle at times. And I too get interrupted by the kids - altho I just consider this normal until my kids grow up and move out.
The key thing -
God respects all our prayer AND all our attempts at prayer AND all our failed prayer.
Ask the Holy Spirit to show you two things:
1. When do you want me to pray?
2. HOW do you want me to pray?
In finding this individualized relationship with Jesus, you will find time for at least a basic prayer life,despite having children.
For me, I do not believe it is the children which present the obstacles to a prayer life. For me, it was self-discipline. I either did not want to take the time, or I was simply not used to training myself to do what I thought was right. This happens in the spiritual life, but it is something we need to work on.
Virtue comes with a hard struggle. And as I read today, Wsdom is the fruit of discipline. You will find time as you make time. You will pray more and more as you practice praying more and more. You CAN do it.
I, too, have two small children, 2 yrs. and 7.5 months. Every morning I load the kids into our double stroller, with spill-proof breakfast cups in my toddler's hands and just after having nursed the baby, and I take an hour walk. During this time I say my Rosary, Chaplet of Divine Mercy, and say prayers. I also use their nap time to read scripture or other spiritual reading -- though this is not as consistent due to the baby not having a schedule yet. I have also recently found that saying "I love you, Jesus", "I'm doing this for love of you, Jesus" etc. throughout the day during various chores helps to keep me centered.
Holly,
I loved your answer! I wonder if you can elaborate a little more on experiencing Jesus as our personal friend. While I have faith, I still struggle with the intangible in prayer. I have experienced this deep love of Jesus before, so I know what you are talking about, but it comes and it goes as my life circumstances change, and so it never seems to take root. I'm not sure how to get back to that place, to that mindset. I like your idea about preparing as you would for a friend, but still, I struggle. Thank you
First off, anonymous, there is nothing wrong with you for not having a 'constant' experience of God's love. Even the mystics discuss this habitual presence as a fruit of much discipline and many years of Christian living.
So, praise God that He HAS shown you his love, from time to time, just when you most probably needed it. As I say to my daughter, if you don't 'feel' it right now, it is because God deems you don't need it right now. The Transfiguration, where Jesus fully revealed His Glory to the Apostles, was in order to strenghten them for the Crucifixion! The greater the approaching trial, the greater the feeling of God's loving and preparing presence! So, the absense of God's presence is not always such a bad thing! :-)
Now, going on memory that God has shown he loves us, we are then called to TRUST that this love is ongoing - the same today as it was yesterday - and as we practice this trust mentally, it begins, over time, to soothe our hearts, and we can learn then to enter into prayer knowing that God is with us, listening, strengthening and being with us, understandingly. He is closer than our own thoughts.
But secondly then, we can still open doors for MORE of his presence - you see, he has not left us without communication. He need not be so intangible. Scripture is the WORD of God - ie: He SPEAKS to us in it.
Perhaps doing an online search for information about 'lectio divina' as a method for praying with Scripture would be good - it will help you "recognize" when God is speaking to you in prayer. When soemthing 'strikes you', THAT IS GOD talking to you. Ponder his communications.
And as you know from human relationships, when people speak, they get to know each other, and love flows more and more deeply from this intimate interaction. So too with God.
So, practicing prayer, and ongoing meditation and spiritual reading, in an atmophere of "Speak Lord, your servant is listening" or "Behold the Handmaid - be it done unto me - show me Your Will" - all these are good starting-prayer words and help open our hearts to God's communication with us.
Does this help?
One image which might also help with regard to prayer...
Prayer is like going to the bus stop to pick up Jesus. He may not always appear to show, but we are faithful in going to receive him and to wait for him to come in. We dont' want him to come on the bus and find that we are not there, ready to meet him...
Holly,
Yes! That helps me much. Your thoughts and insights are just what I needed to hear. Thank you.
I want to add that you can learn to pray in baby steps. I read Holly's book and several others that talked about all the prayer time they scheduled and did regularly. How could anyone with little children (like me) say a decade of the Rosary, much less the whole thing plus reading scripture and saying other prayers?
Yet, I felt like it was a worthwhile goal. So, I started with a daily ejaculation - I would write one on a card, use it for a few days until it was memorized, then try another one. I even set my watch to beep every hour so I would say it every hour.
Next, I started reading books about saints and other books on prayer. Somehow, on January 1st of this year, I managed to wake up at 5am and couldn't go back to sleep, so I got up and read the Bible and did some praying. It was wonderful to have the cold, quiet, dark house all to myself. Somehow, I have managed to get up early almost every morning since then and have some prayer time.
I never thought I could do it, but now I don't know how I could live without it. My prayer life has blossomed, in the sense that I look forward to it and enjoy it and try to find ways to keep improving it. I now feel like I'm becoming a worthy role model for my children. I had no idea how I was going to teach them about prayer, but now I feel like I can.
So, I encourage all to keep trying, keep taking baby steps toward praying. I have holy cards stashed here and there that I can grab during various chores, I've worked on memorizing various prayers so they are available to me any time.
I don't always pray attentively, but I figure that will come with time. I do know it is having an effect though: I am finding that I actually hear the prayers that are said at mass even when the toddler is climbing under the pew again. I guess you give an inch and the Holy Spirit takes a mile.
Thank you Lisa for your very inspiring testimony. You show us that God is very willing to help us and give us the grace we need to get and keep close to him. And your open and willing heart is a witness to all of us. Thank you!!
Holly and Lisa are right - baby steps are the key! At the end of last year I was in a similar situation as you - an 8 month old and 24 month old, and no idea how to find time to pray. My first effort was just to try to be mindful of God all day long. I was terrible at it, at first, but got better with practice. Even the selfish prayers of desperation ("Dear God, PLEEEEEEASE help these children nap so I can get a break!") were baby steps that led me to a deeper relationship. And over time they turned into more Christian-like prayers ("Dear God, please help my children get the rest they need to grow and thrive, and help me be a good and patient mother to them.")
I started saying prayers with them as we lie down together while they fall asleep. I thank God for everyone in our family, ask Him for help being good parents to them, thank Him that they are such good and helpful kids, and to help them always be nice and loving and helpful to each other and to Mama and Daddy. Then I finish off with an Our Father, three Hail Marys, a Glory Be, an Angel of God, and "And we love you, God. Amen."
I think the most important/helpful thing I did was specifically ask Him for help getting closer to Him. Since then He has been showing me along the way how I can make slight alterations in my schedule or my habits to spend more time with Him. He will do the same for you, too! I am nowhere near where I want to be, but I am much closer to there there than I was when I started, and I figure I'm a work in progress so it's OK not to be there yet, as long as I am moving forward. Baby steps!
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