Help
With Your Rule
Beset with Worries
Dear Holly,
I am just starting out with scheduling--I am fearful of failure so I keep putting it off. My oldest , age 9 is ADHD and I know I would be stepping up to my responsibilities if I set up a schedule, beginning this summer. I hope to begin homeschooling in the fall and would like the summer to prepare. I have a lot of worries, one is my mental state--I am prone to depression and I fear that homeschooling and being confined to the home will worsen it. But I also feel that God is calling me to at least "try it". I am beset with worries ( I tend to sabatoge myself before I begin) and would like advice on how to best begin. Was there a computer program you used to set up (excel?) Is anyone out there familiar with ADHD and how best to work with it in regards with a MROL? I do feel like the devil hates the idea of a MROL because it elevates the vocation of motherhood in that it makes it a holy and sacred profession ... what it always was but our culture does not regard it as such in many circles.
Labels: 2nd P Person, About a Rule of Life
posted by Holly at 10:05 AM
8 Comments:
I see many questions in this post and I will try to respond from my heart.
The very first thing that struck me about your post was your first and second P. We cannot give what we need to give when our first two Ps are out of order or confused or hurt. In my opinion, your being beset with worries and borderline depression are the key things I think you need to work on first, before you begin to look at the other things. At this time, I think that the discernment to homeschool is something you need to work out between your husband and yourself and your priest.
But what I see is the need to get your first two Ps in order. And here, a rule will help you. Perhaps for the summer, getting these two Ps in order would be the biggest help of all:
First off - morning and evening prayer comes first, and time spent with Jesus in Scripture. Can you set aside 5 minutes in the morning, 5 in the evening, and a daily rosary with the family? Can you find 15 minutes a day to read and pray over Scripture? Can you get to Mass at least weekly and confession at least monthly? By putting God first you will have access to the grace you need.
But, I think your physical and emotional health needs attendance, and a schedule by itself may not be the only help you need.
I would first off look at nutrition and rest and exercise. In know myself, that when I began to make sure I ate well, and undid the unbalance in my diet (I was always a cheese and milk lover and ate them to excess), I began to feel very very very good! I would recommend you look into a balanced diet with adequate vitamin supplementation and see if this does not first help you with your worries and anxiety.
From experience, I know that some people have mental/emotional allergy symptoms which manifest themselves as emotional issues where other people would get a rash or sinus problems! In all troubles of the mind, look to the body first to see if it is interfering with your spirit. A naturopath took me off wheat and dairy and gave me B Complex and Omega 3 - and within four days, all my sadness which I had experienced since a child disappeared. I was shocked. I pass this along in case it helps you.
Secondly, I would look into exercise. Exercise has been proven to help with depression. I bet that you are not doing this. A daily walk would be ideal, or some other sport you used to like long ago. I also recommend Curves for you - a women's gym which eliminates the embarassment of starting something around teenage guys... It is a gentle program which will get you in the swing of things.
And lastly, a set sleep routine. Set your bedtime and you can see what time you naturally wake up in the morning. After three or more days, find the average - this would be an average amount of time you need daily to recuperate. Then , begin to be faithful to this.
If you care for your first and second P first, I think you will not be hampered in dealing with the other challenges which will arise in both homeschooling and working with your ADHD child. I think this is yoru starting place. The 5 Ps of a Mother's Rule are priorities and they are hierarchical.
Keep in touch
well - I feel like I should pay you for your good counsel. I have the same trouble with borderline depression... and I have told myself that prayer, diet and exercise are the key but have not done anything about it. I have a 17 month old who is teething and nursing a lot through the night so I sleep as long as possible in the morning to "catch up" (baby tends to wake up if I get out of the bed) therefore miss time to pray and exercise before everyone else starts the day. Staying up later at night to have some down time doesn't help me to get up earlier either. Thanks for the advice!!!
This is really helpful. I also struggle with depression and have been in counseling for a long time (Postrtraumatic stress disroder) but I begin to wonder how much of it is lack of prayer. At a certain point, I can't talk my feelings out anymore.
ALSO, Holly, or anyone else, have you found food allergies to be helpful in dealing with depression? I always sort of wrote thos off as "new Agey" but would like any advice from Catholic moms dealing with it.
thanks.
You know, when it comes to things like depression, I think we need a multi-sided attack.
A close friend of mine has suffered depression - and only a balanced regime of prayer & sacraments, diet, exercise, vitamin supplements, reading and counselling AND medication worked. And it was the prayer and medication which was the missing component for that person.
In fact, the medication had such an effect that there was no doubt in my mind about the reality of chemical imbalances affecting one's mood, outlook and ability to cope.
Anytime there is depression, I think 3 things need to be attended to -
1. Physical Health via diet, exercise, sleep, supplements and Doctor's care
2. Psychological Health thru counselling, good reading and thining of mental habits
3. Spiritual Health via Prayer & Sacraments & a Priest's counsel & direction
I don't believe there will be complete recovery without a complete attendance to all that we need to have in place to live a balanced healthy holy life. But I do believe healing and restoration is most certainly possible and probable, altho it is a process. But this is also where a mother's rule assists.
love your website and your book and am trying to read everything I can...
two questions (and maybe this is for other moms too) --but how did you figure out which foods were affecting your mood and why? I hesitate to see a homeopath because they are expensive but also because I know that a lot of my depression comes from a messed up way of coping and I need to discipline myself tofocus ont aht.
also, I have been struggling with overeating lately...have any other moms struggled with binging and what have they found helpful? I have read numerous self help books on this but I always struggle between discrning what is spirtual and what is just lack of will power.
thank you for all you do.
When I was a little girl, my mother put me on egg nogs for a serious rash-allergy and everythign cleared up. It was only in my 40s that I discovered that wheat/dairy (or an overdose of it) can cause very sad and depressed moods. Off of them, I feel wonderful.
But you know, we are all so different that that may not still help you. I truly believe, and have also experienced in my life, that prayer for enlightenment is the first step. I usually ask the Blessed Mother to enlighten me as to what area to look at, and over the course of a couple of weeks, I usually find an avenue to start on. This road may take me to a different path - but was necessary to get me there.
For me personally, I have always felt better on a higher protein diet, which helps avoid food cravings by keeping blood sugar levels at a more even keel. And I have felt better on a lower wheat/dairy diet, altho at this point I do not exclude some cheese or bread - just severely limit them, altho milk I avoid and do soy milk instead (love it...)
But for other things, I prayed and then something would come along and I would try it. I'd say do a novena for discernment and then keep your eyes open.
I think you are exactly right..I have not been praying enough about it and I remember being specifically at wit's end for several months about a personal problem and I KNOW the Holy Spirit led me to a book that really helped me.
Question..did you see a homeopath about the dairy/cheese thing or did you just experiment yourself with your diet to try to determine what was going on?
My protein requirements I learned from trial and error; my Omega 3 needs I learned from research and experience, and the dairy/wheat issue I discovered after a naturopath told me to cut them out for 2 weeks - it only took four days to show me miraculous results.
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