Help
With Your Rule
Supervision Quandries
Dear Holly,
Is it realistic for my 4-and-5 year old to handle jobs on their own, as we schedule the work to be done at the same times? For example, if I'm helping my daughter fold and put away her laundry, my son is not following my teaching of his specific job, although he is purely putting his best intentions, efforts, and time in doing his work, but things end up "wetter" in areas I trust him to clean (b/c I've watched him do it) than I like. Are my four-and-five year old precious joys capable (or I may not be as trusting) in the "kinds" of jobs I give to them from start to finish.
When the three of us are working in the home doing our very simple chores (putting clean laundry away), sorting some laundry, making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and "mopping" the floor with a Swiffer of all things, I come back to find that my son has "added" cups and cups of water to the floor while using the Swiffer mop and flooded large areas that I had been trusting him to do-- that's why I purchased the Swiffer so that he would not need to use a mop and bucket (as that was a disaster each time we tried that method). Now, this was all happening when I was helping my daughter to fold/put her clean laundry away (she's good at that but still needs supervision); for example, tonight I went to fetch a pair of what I thought were clean socks from her drawer for bedtime and found her disgustingly dirty socks, unfolded, in her clean socks drawer.
Having given you a small example of a typical tidiness day in our home, I don't know how I can make myself available to supervise and train each child separately, as they become distracted and competitive whenever they're together as I'm teaching them. I can't trust my daughter to do her best while she's learning, and I certainly can't train my boy to do his best and do it the way Mommy shows him over and over without him adding his own 'innocent' ideas of how he thinks the work should be done.
While these things are going on throughout small portions of my day, I can't seem to keep laundry going, dishes kept clean and put away, making breakfast, lunch, and trying to make dinner (which my poor husband most often has to finish up when he gets home around 7:00 each night). My friend dropped over a few days ago, unannounced of course.....yikes........, and although the house was clean it had little piles of undone/disordered places all over the different rooms of my house. I seriously do not have a room that is completed at any given time. This friend, in a warm and heartfelt loving attitude said, "I couldn't live in this chaos; and I don't know how you can either". I admitted to her that I can't. This truly got to me the entire rest of the day, though I felt God quite near me telling me He is sufficiently proud of my efforts.
With NO outside help or friends that I can trust to watch my kids, and my parents being older in their mid 70's and my mom having a life-long history of mood disorder (which greatly affects me to this very day; I'm 40 years old and changes the children's behaviour whenever they go over there), I feel ALONE in keeping this house. And almost tormented by the constant "Mommy, come here, I need you, help I'm scared, I can't do thus-and-such by myself, etc... I find myself stopping EVERY thing that I'm diligently trying to complete or get a handle on, and those things are left undone.
Labels: 4th P Parent, 5th P Provider
posted by Holly at 10:29 AM
1 Comments:
There are many little questions in this letter.
First off, yes, I think looking for age appropriate chores would benefit you. While I realize that kids will be kids, and that there is no real disaster which comes with a child adding extra cups of water to the floor, I do sense that you have enough on your hands to not need the extra work.
One thing I would try would be to assign chores to do WITH you - so that you can supervise all at the same time. I would have ALL of us putting away laundry together, so I can keep an eye on things. They could take the basket upstairs ahead of you, and begin on their own drawers while you finish yours, You could then check theirs.
Another example, I would have the kids move the dining room chairs out while I mopped, another could follow behind with a dry mop to get the extra water, and the first could put the chair back. As for kitchen duty, say, one could be bringing dishes from the table,another could scrape the plates and load, and you could be putting food away.
In these instances, you do your work, and the children aid you. This is the easiest way, instead of having them working too independently when they remain incapable.
If you began to do your work, and kept track as you go of the ways they can help you, you can devise your chore lists like this. Having them with you eliminates the supervision issue, and will cut your work in half, no doubt.
As for the dirty socks in the drawer, well- kids are kids. No need to fuss. Just have her put them in the laundry. One thing that struck me here is the need to combat perfectionism in ourselves, and most certainly, in our expectations of our children. Our goal is NOT a designer house with ultimate tidyness. We are family, and there is going to be just such occurances - in fact, I have found it gets worse as they mature into teens! Never figured on that one! :-)
As for the little piles of stuff around the house - I have always felt called to simplicity of possessions. I would eliminate what is not essential. There has to be more than moving stuff from place to place! What do you need, and what don't you need? If you can't decide , get hubby or a friend to help you sort.
Also too, proper storage would help - like bins for toys, or shelves for supplies, or a cupboard for this , a bookshelf for that. You may want to go thru your house and make a list of how you can place these piles of things into organized permanent homes, if you need to keep it.
Lastly. I feel you feel very alone and I would encourage you to find ways to develop some time to yourself - perhaps a Mother's Sabbath weekly for a few hours to get some space- AND (not "or") - AND - find a way to get out with moms - either with friends, or as a moms & tots group activity, or thru a parish group. If you cannot find a way to get help at home and support that way, you need moral support still. And having an outside social life of some sort is essential to your personal health and ability to devote yourself to your family.
Post a Comment
<< Home