Help
With Your Rule
Large Family, Homeschooling, and Perseverance
Dear Holly,
I have read your book and am now rereading it. I think the first time I was looking for the magic fix and now, out of sheer desperation, I am looking at the spirit of the rule and trying to take it to heart. I have just had baby #6, who is 14 weeks, and I have 5 other children ages 2 to 11. We have had some major life upheavals in the past few months with emergency surgeries and hospitalizations of two of my children. As a result, homeschooling has become completely overwhelming but I know that I need to persevere. I am sure you hear these stories all of the time.
First of all, what do I do with all of my little ones and the unplannable interruptions. It is hard to plan demand feedings, fussy babies, and destructive, energetic toddlers into the equation. I have read so many homeschool ideas for babies and toddlers that seem like they were written by someone with 2 schoolkids and maybe one baby. I have 3 in school and 3 to corral. Every day, every hour is so unpredictable that I don't know how I could make a schedule flexible enough until my babies grow up.
Also, what in your experience is the best homeschool approach for someone with a large family. Again, so many great programs seem to be aimed at moms with more time and flexibility. I feel strongly about high standards educationally but there is only so much I can do. Do I need to lower my standards? After 2 years of Seton I have been using A Beka video school this year and just not doing the religion and history for the older kids. I replace them with Catholic studies. I love Catholic Heritage and Sonlight, but they are very time consuming. I know that outside acivities are a major time sucker and distraction so we have cut back quite a bit on those. I want you to know I could have written the first few pages of your book, I was soooo ready to quit last week. My husband encouraged me to keep it up with lots of prayer, and now reviewing MROL has given me hope that there is a solution, I just can't quite grasp it yet. I think that the particular problems of mothers of large families, especially homeschooling, are very different than those with 3 or 4. How does one know when it is in fact too much and that the kids really do need to go back to school? I had to pray fervently to ask God to change my husband's heart to let me homeschool and then when I wanted to put them back in school, he was the one encouraging me to try again. In my heart I do think the kids need to be home, but it is much more difficult than I ever imagined.
Labels: 4th P Parent, Homeschooling
posted by Holly at 3:22 PM
8 Comments:
Thank you for writing. I am sure some moms with larger families will be able to share their ideas as well.
I think that as I read this, I see many things on your plate. And to be honest, I think that your homeschooling - the 4th P - needs to be put in that place so you can ensure your other 3 Ps first, as well as get hold of hte housework routines.
Outside of the health issues and disruptions there - which we can do nothing about and we must accept as permitted by God's loving will and offer this up - I am wondering how many of the other Ps are being cared for. If your other Ps are out of order, then at this time, you may just want to set aside 3 hours a day max (or even less) for 'school' generally, and get to focusing on the other issues in your life. There is a season for everything. I know I can't devote myself to my homeschool when all else is in a shambles.
I also wonder then about housework, whether you have pulled together chore charts and routines which will aid you in gaining order? I believe that these need to be in place before you begin to look at the deeper issues of 'how' to homeschool. In MROL, I mentioned basics which needed to be pulled together first, and then gave a series of reflection questions which one could look at when ready to progress beyond the basics. I would be looking at getting those basics arranged first.
That said, then, the charism of your particular homeschool is something you will design yourself, after you have worked out your basic routines. This is no easy task, and you need a clear head and heart to think it through.
But for the time being, you would want to look at essentials - in order of priority - in the realm of education:
1. Their hearts - they need to feel your love, as this is a channel of God's love. Getting your home pulled together in basic routines will help this as you will be less stressed and better able to be present to them.
2. Their wills - encourage your children to choose good - so here , wind in faith stories and saint tales and hero stories regularly to begin to form their impressions of goodness. The sacraments also play an important role in will formation, as does family prayer.
3. Their intellects - find a way to teach by instruction the truths of our faith - doctrine, morality, scripture. This forms the intellect and helps them choose good. So a daily religion time together is ideal .
My family just began using the Apostolate of Family Consecration 'family' catechism in our home (familyland.org). It is a daily catechism program which eliminates the need of grade levels and removes it from 'school' - even tho you can get workbooks wiht pictures to color up to grade 4. Dad is involved too, for 20 minutes every evening before the rosary. I would recommend a format like this to get your head out of school for religion and shorten your instruction time - altho you could use any standard catechism resource and do all the children together.
4. Their emotions - they need time to play and create, to feel their feeligns and to have these heard, and to have you guide them when their feelings are strong and unruly. Nature is helpful here too, as is art, music, pets.
5. Their bodies - feed them well, get them their sleep and their exercise. This forms the body.
6. LIfe skills - teach them how to care for their bodies thru hygeine, how to clean their rooms and help cook a meal, care for a sibling, etc
7. Academic skills - teach them to read and write and do their math. For other subjects, until you are on your way with your rule, do subect/topic videos from the library or a PBS show or a field trip or nature walk. I highly recommend Elizabeth Foss's "Real Learning" to you for this - while I do not agree with a *wholesale* rejection of textbooks and school methodology (stemming I assume from the Charlotte Mason Approach), I most certainly recommend most of her ideas - they are creative, fresh, family-centered and highly relevant to your situation and many homeschoolers. Elizabeth takes the school out of education and I think this is a valid and necessary thing for families who are trying to live a new way of life educating their families. I give her book 5 stars.
As far as curriculums, I think CHC is the gentlest of them all, and certainly understands the paramount importance of faith & character formation.
I think it would be helpful for you to know that the educational system we have been brought up in, is based on a scientific methodology which stems from a view of man as matter only, devoid of spirit. As such, the focus on being filled with information and being evaluated on this is really quite inappropriate to the formation of the human person.
Unfortunately, we try to be faithful, and being faithful means often to go back to what we knew - and in this instance, try not to!
7. Practical Skills - hobbies, home repair, financial skills, lawn mowing, volunteer work, all of life...
We are pioneers, we homeschooling mothers - and we need to assess what exactly the priorities are in education and then seek creative and fresh ways to fulfill this. The short list I have given you above would be the heart of a Catholic education, and as you can see, would then be especially suited to developing your 'family rule of life'.
Please feel free to keep in touch. I hope this short reply helps in some way - I think I could talk to you for hours on this topic...
I also get frustrated trying to manage the constant interuptions. I, too, have three little children to "corral" while I try to homeschool the older two.
Here are some things that have helped me...and thank you for sharing this because I am struggling in this area.
To get some uninterupted time for arithmetic and phonics, I work with one child and assign the other to be "babysitter" for my preschooler and toddler. They play in the bedroom, with the door closed, and only come out for "emergencies". I give a pep talk to the babysitter that they might have to do something they find boring, like roll a car down a ramp over and over and over again. But they usually have fun being an entertainer. And telling them "emergencies only" can buy me uninterupted time. Or sometimes, I send everyone, except the one child I am teaching, out to play in the garage. This limits the noise in the house to teacher, one student, and baby. We made the garage a safe place to play, don't have to worry about the weather, and I'm still surprised how long they can stay out there (in a single car garage!). The doors are closed so the little ones can't get away and I am working at the kitchen table right inside the house door. They bounce tennis balls off the garage door, play with toy brooms and mops, and endlessly ride bikes and plastic tractors around in a circle. Once again, the other school aged child is babysitter. I can get an hour of school-work done. Yea! At least now my kids can take an arithmetic speed drill without interuptions, a small step but a step...
Do you have two children close enough in age that they can double-up for science class? Have you used the CHC science book "Behold and See 3". Maybe science experiments could be done with Dad in the late afternoon or evening? My dh enjoys this!
For independent readers, how about a literature approach to history? Laura Berquist's curriculum uses the history textbook as an outline and the child can independently read stories from that time period. Would this save you time? Berquist's book has lots of reading lists for history. You could also check out her history recommendations for each grade level in the back of an Emmanuel Books catalog. Do your kids retain more when they read it in a story, rather than doing the Q's at the end of a history textbook?
Hang in there Mom!!!
Another thing that might help is a simplified curriculum.
I just recently switched to group math - where we all study fractions in June or Measurement in May or Geometry in April (up to grade 6 level - and the little ones break away when they ave reached their comprehension level - in the end of each session, I am continueing to work with the oldest)... this way, there is a simpified topic.
Also, I also just finalized Study Cycles for all my kids - each working at their own level. Over 3 years, I lump all the kids together, do topic studies - get library books per age level, and 'explore' the subject. This removes school methodology and individual grade levels for all subjects except Math and Language Arts. And promotes a family approach, an exploratory approach, and a simple approach for Mom. This applies to all topics in history, science, geography, health up to the age of 14.
This group family-style education might help simplify your life too. I have been having great success with the family-catechism format, so why not other academic knowledge-based subjects?
I've just started using Managers of Their Homes with great success!
I'm not homeschooling yet, but am going to start next year with my dd who is turning 5 this summer. She has a 4 1/2yo sister, a 2yo brother, and a 4mo old brother. My trouble is getting housework done with a destructive toddler...I've started leaving him in his highchair with a puzzle in the morning at least until dishes are done. "Preschoolers and Peace" has other ideas for "little hands" that you may find helpful, too.
For destructive toddlers, it helps to have a simplified environment, to eliminate many 'messes' before they start. Clear out the trinkets and the clutter - box toys and bring up a fresh box daily, focuses the child on something other than the house. Actually planning a variety of activities for the tddler 'first' before planning other childrne's activities works too. I used to put them in the highschair beside me, or in the play pen, and alternate these, with alternating activities in a little basket beside me - anything from stacking toys, to balls on a rope to scribbling with a magazine & pen to little cars driving on play dough to snacks- anything that I could provide to keep the child involved and sitting still while I carried on with the older children.
I completely agree with Holly! But, it also sounds like you are burnt out... I had baby #5 in November and she has rocked my world!!! I needed to "do school" so my other 4 dc (ages 2-8) could have some order to their day.
We have for this past year simply done "quick school" math lesson and a phonics lesson. I can assign, to my more independent guy, a grammer or spelling list if we can, but right now I'm not too worried.
We do a LOT of read alouds for history and we didn't do any science *gasp*! Now that baby is older we will do science durring the summer.
When I tried to do "real" school, I found I turned into a real beast, and was the mean mommy; my kids don't need that. It's OK to lose your mind a bit when you have a new nonschedualed, nonsleeping baby. DON'T beat yourself up; you probably have enough negitive thoughts to contend with. Sending the dc to school probably wouldn't be any easier- travel time, homework, projects, lunches- you name it.
Resolve to school the whole year- gently. Don't worry about your 32 weeks. Do only Math a little LA and your read alouds. Have an older babysit the littles while you have one-on-one time for a lesson, then rotate the babysitters then do a picture book with the whole crew.
By the way we do our catechism at breakfast, followed by a bible reading. At lunch or in the evening we do a saint story...
RELAX tend to the baby, your marriage, and loving your children- school will always be there.
We use "Managers of Their Homes" too and it is the best!!! I have eight children and I would recommend it for any size family. God bless!
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