Help
With Your Rule
An Early-Rising Issue
Dear Holly,
Is it virtuous to be an early-riser? I have a son who is almost 5 and is not at all a morning person. My original schedule/rule was to get him and his brothers up at 7:15, which is not really all that early by many standards. But even with this modest wake-up time, it is always a struggle to get him up and out of bed, and a cheerful attitude at this hour of the morning is non-existent. He complains, stays in bed until the threat of punishment is used, is slow to get dressed once he is out of bed, says he can't get dressed or make his bed with out help, and is mean to his 2 younger brothers. I have tried offering incentives if he is able to get up and dressed quickly. I have waffled back and forth between helping him and making him at least try to do things on his own. I have tried singing to him in the morning and tickling him to get him up. I have tried the gradual approach of addressing him only after I have gotten the other 2 boys up and dressed. I have tried getting him to bed earlier, but he only lays awake talking to him self and fighting sleep until 9:30 or so (normal bed time is 8:30). In short, I have tried everything I can think of to make mornings more pleasant for him. All to no avail. I have even let him sleep longer on some occasions, and he will usually naturally wake up around 8am, in a much pleasanter mood. So my question is, am I making this a bigger issue than it needs to be? We don't really *need* to be up early as we are planning on homeschooling, so should I just take the cues from him and let him sleep longer in the mornings? Or is it important to learn the discipline of getting up early? Is this a question of virtue? Or is there another approach to getting him up and moving that I haven't thought of? Do you or any readers have suggestions on things to try to that I have missed so far?
Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 1:39 PM
6 Comments:
I am sure many readers will have ideas for you. I can only share my own experience here.
I have two girls that can't seem to get to sleep before 10 o'clock, no matter what time I get them up and no matter how many days in a row. The only time they sleep earlier is on days we have gone to the beach inthe summer and run themselves silly in the sand! Exercise does have its effects. You might want to try this. Other than this, I set the bedtime and the rising time and give them leeway when I can.
But secondly, I don't think your son's position is a matter of virtue as it is a matter of individual body-clock. I too am simply miserable emotionally if I do not get enough sleep, and this is a real factor. In the winter especially, I set my clock much later to get up than in the summer. Even St Benedict and St Teresa of Avila in their rules had a later rising time in the winter. Have you noticed a seasonal effect?
For your son, since the time difference is really quite slight, I would still insist on your regular bedtime, but I'd set the clock ahead for him a bit in the morning. I'd probably wake him earlier than he had to get up, (say at your 7:15) so that he had time to rest in a semi-conscious state and knew that he had time to wake up. (I'd probably be wakign him 2 or 3 times - like a snooze alarm - until 7:45). And given that he is so young, and that you have the option of flexibility because you will homeschool, I would permit an adjustment for him.
If your whole family canget up later and this suits you,there is nothign wrong withthis. As long as your bedtimes don't get pushed ahead and you merely repeat the same situation at a later time frame.
I would however avoid a large adjustment of rising time, because I think you would tend to find his bedtime would push ahead to meet the longer morning sleep in,and he does live in a community where other people and school etc depend upon people being ready.
It appears his metabolism is just a speedy one. So, lots of exercise, a reasonable amount of time to sleep, a flexible but not exagerated rising time - all these seem balanced to me.
And then, as per his grumpiness, permit him to go slow in the morning. Assign him less chores than the others in the am, and he can do more of his later. And work on the social dynamics. In my house, I used to have my kids not talk much until after all had eaten breakfast, in consideration for the grumpy ones. I think that this consideration of others, especially those who have it hard in the morning, is a good lesson in practical charity.
I am so glad to hear someone else has a child that doesn't fall asleep on time nor get up on time too. I think what Holly suggested sounds great and also I want to add that my daughter used to be that way but she actually did grow out of it. She's eight now and pretty much rises when she should...so hang in there, whatever adjustments you need to make now it will likely only be temporary. I only wish I had Holly's advice back when I needed it because it might've made those days a little easier!
Five year olds still need abot 12-14 hours of sleep a night. I'd let him sleep in till he got that amount then try to get him to wake up. I start doing my 1 on 1 schooling with my oldest while the younger ones usually wake up an hour later, then we have the family studies. The the younger ones get 1 on 1 with me while the older one works on her independant studies. That works with us.
Just a note - *most* 5 year olds need 12-14 hours of sleep a day. But some don't. My middle child has never slept that long since she was 1 1/2 years old - she even stopped all her naps then too! It was customary for her to get up at 7 and be awake until 11:30. Meanwhile, her older brother and sister could easily handle a 12 hour sleep time, with an additional 2 hour nap. Each child is different.
I have a mix. I have 2 children who fall asleep at 10 no matter what time they are sent to bed, and are getting 2-3 wake up calls starting at 7:15,
I have 3 children that fall asleep the minute they go flat and are up between 5:30 and 6 am. A good day is when they are up at 6:30. And two of the 3 are small children that need mom's attention.
This really affects breakfast times, and mom's prayer time. I can not survive on going to bed at 10:30 and getting up at 5 to get prayer time in before my dc are up.
This is just a random bit of information I heard on the radio once: A mother was discussing her son who had a very difficult time getting out of bed in the morning no matter what she did. She finally figured out that his his blood sugar was low in the a.m. hours, which made him sluggish, so she began bringing a glass of orange juice to his bedside first thing in the morning, and this solved the problem. I just thought this might be worth mentioning
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