Help
With Your Rule
Kids & Chores, Despite the Maid...
Dear Holly,
I use your MROL and it has been a lifesaver!! I began using it over the summer and it was great. A big chunk of my MROL is time allotted for house cleaning - the bathrooms, floors, etc. I had a baby 2 months ago and we have had a circumstance change. My husband has been kind enough to hire a housekeeper to come clean one morning every 2 weeks. This takes care of the heavy house work. Obviously there is still day to day stuff. It is very important to me that my kids learn to clean after themselves but they are still too young to handle anything heavy - they are 7,4,2 & 2 months. What advice would you have for me as I re-vamp my MROL? What sort of things should I still have the children do to help with cleaning? Should I block off time for the daily stuff - sweeping and dishes and weekly stuff that needs to be done between house keeper visits (vacuuming & dusting)??
Labels: 4th P Parent, 5th P Provider
posted by Holly at 8:22 PM
6 Comments:
First off, bravo for your decision to have your children learn to help the family by doing daily chores. This is very important, and I am glad you are looking at this, despite your husband's wonderful generosity to hire a maid while you get back on your feet.
Yes, keep your kids doing regular chores. The little 2 year old can help pick things up, bring his plastic dishes over to the sink, load his cup in the dishwasher, help tidy his bedroom, help you put wet clothes in the dryer - little helping chores.
The older two can do all sorts of things as well - tidying, washing and drying, sweeping, dusting, garbage collected, running laundry to the rooms, helping put their own clothes away, help make their beds,etc.
I think a general chore time(s) is important, and perhaps more than one a day - to break it up into little chores so it doesn't overwhelm - always followed by something nice, like a meal, or free time, or story or video or nap or snack... I usually have chores wrapped around rising/bedtimes, and meal times, before and after, and this works great for us.
Also, you can begn a policy of "Now that we're done this activity, let's clean it up before we move on to the next thing..." as a wonderful training in orderliness and cleanliness.
Good luck!
I, too, desire that my children learn to do chores around the house. I put aside Saturdays but often it can become a bickering type of thing and consequently a negative experience for all. My 9 yo is a dreamer, does not keep on task unless I am literally holding his hand throughout the process. It is quite the mortification --it drives me crazy but I know if I offer it up God will help me. My goal is that my children do household chores cheerfully and without prompting. Is this too idealistic? Growing up, I was the good child who always wanted to please my parents and I loved doing chores b/c it made them happy. I grow frustrated with my children when they aren't that way with me...
comments? Also have 4yo boy, 1yo girl
Unless you have a live-in maid, there are basic things that need to be done every day: dishes, making beds, picking up toys, laundry. I like to tie my chores in to rewards: take 10 minutes to clean up the family room and you can watch TV. Let's get everything put away and our PJs on and you can have cookies for dessert. I've also been known to withhold meals and snacks to reluctant helpers: No, you will not get lunch until your laundry is put away. Eventually, they get hungry enough and even the easily distracted will manage to stay on task and do it!
For anonymous
I think that the grumbling can come from a number of things -
-perhaps not having chores as regular as they could be, so that the children feel imposed upon and don't realize it is 'normal' to work;
-perhaps too much entertainment in other ways, so their work-ethic tastebuds are a bit spoiled;
-and perhaps because they are permitted to grumble. In my house 'attitude counts'.
-Sometimes too, Mummy can get what she expects, in that, if I think my kids will hate something, I somehow silently communicate this to them and they pick it up...
Perhaps one or more of these things might apply.
I think making chores regular, and expected and part of daily life is a key thing. and tying privleges like tv, computer, game cube, visits to these chores will help. For every duty there is a privlege. So they can see that life is not all play.
It's very much like supper - we eat our veggies and dessert comes after.
Attitude counts - bad attitudes are not rewarded with privleges.
In addition, your oldest needs to take responsibility for himself - he may be counting on your getting frustrated so you'll let him off the hook.
If I were you, I'd teach him his Saturday chores two weeks in a row and work along with him (or have your husband do it), and provide a written list, and then the third week he is on is own. He is to come to you to check the list when he is done. ALL other fun stuff comes AFTER he has completed his chores.
And if he misses them because he dawdles, you can feel sorry for him and commiserate with him, but let him experience the consequences of his own actions - or he will never tie his own behavior and decisions to how good or bad life is.
I would also have husband talk to son. This is KEY as the male influence is truly a serious factor in motivating boys.
Keep in touch
I'm the oldest of 6, and my mother didn't involve me in chores until I was in 6th grade. I was responsible for my personal hygiene (she'd tell me when to bathe, up until about 5th grade), and making my bed and keeping my room tidy...but I was not asked or taught to be a contributing member of the household in any other way. I believe, looking back, that she had her hands full with my 5 younger siblings, and was just chugging along doing everything herself. You know, she was in "survival mode." I was SO old by the time that she decided I should be cleaning (6th grade)the bathroom, doing the dinner dishes, etc...and my intro to all of it was with her built up years of over-work and frustration. It seemed like a punishment to me, and that set the tone for all the following years of power struggles with her over chores. I was introduced to domestic chores with a spirit of anger, and it never left! As a married mother of 2 (6&5), I knew that I would not make the same mistake. The children are so thrilled to help me, give them a dust rag and they are in heaven! Allow them to push the vacuum with me, oh forget about it...they are beaming. I realized that honoring our home together could be a great joy. After reading your book, I realized that a bit of my mothers resentful attitude would creep into my actions though. Reading what you wrote confirmed for me that the gift of chores is that it's one more way I can externally express my love for my precious husband and children. Despite knowing, and really believing this, if my daugher would come over while I was folding laundry and say, "How are you doing, Mama?" I'd sigh and say..."I'm okayyyy..." in the most put-upon, unconvincing manner. My external reactions were like a language I'd learned long ago, that weren't really reflective of my interior attitude. I learned to stay on my toes and keep aware of what I'm comunicating with my voice and my face. Now I work to show the children that I love caring for our home because I love our family and God, I love my vocation. I share the joy of it all by joining with them in the care of our cozy, humble home. Thanks you for your beautiful, inspired, blessed book.
Thank you Queen B for sharing this - your experience is a potent reminder to us about the importance of starting young. I am glad your children are helping you early. What a different experience they will have, hmmm?
God bless
Holly
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