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With Your Rule
Role of Husband in a Mother's Rule
Dear Holly,
What was the role of your husband in your mother's rule? My husband is adjusting to a new job and is working long hours. I was wondering what kind of expectations did you have for your husband?
Labels: 3rd P Partner
posted by Holly at 10:36 PM
5 Comments:
What expectations did I have for my husband regarding a rule? NONE! :-)
Early in my marriage, I learned that I had to let my husband be free and live (or not live) his own responsibilities, and that I was responsibile to live mine. I had also learned that, because I had spent so much time waiting for him to do his work, "so I could do mine", that I got a lot less done!
So, I decided with my rule,that it would reflect all the tasks that I myself was called to do - it was an expression of MY vocation, MY call. And I did not have my husband help in it's formation nor it's implementation. Early in our marriage, we had already marked off basic duties as his or hers. I based my rule on 'hers'.
That way, there was no pressure on him. No nagging wife. No frustrated wife. No animosity. I just got my work done, and my world pulled together, and it felt good and he noticed!
And no,my husband has never implemented a rule, altho there is talk of one perhaps soon.
Holly, did you have a problem with keeping your schedule if your husband decided he wanted to do something with you or the family that took you away from your planned activities?
My husband and I are opposites in this regard. I like organization, schedules and predictability. With him, any attempt to schedule results in rebellion and complaints that I'm too rigid and structured. He prefers to be spontaneous, just in case something "better" comes along, which usually means not the cleaning or the shopping or focussed activity time.
We're constantly at odds, rather than being a united front appreciating each others' differences.
Anyone's comments? Thank you.
Anonymous, I can really relate to what you are saying! When I asked for a 2007 planner/calendar for Christmas, my dh said, "Oh, just what this house needs...more organizing!" The reality is that we have NOT be organized (in my mind) at all as of late, since our baby was born, and I and the other children (I homeschool, too) really need that. So, I have made a decision to organize as much as I am able (a la our Rule) but also to be flexible enough to let some things go when/if dh is around & wants to do something else w/us or the kids. I'll pray that you find the solution for your family and ask that you please also pray for ours. God bless!!!
First of all, since Philip works days as a teacher, there is little interference in our homeschool or daily routines for chores, so it has not been an issue for daytime during the week.
Secondly, I have always scheduled the weekends very freely, to make room for daddy's ideas and creative ventures - as Philip is a very spontaneous person and usually cringes at schedules too (altho work routines certainly impose schedules.)
Plus I always thought his spontaneity was a nice balance and tempered my structure. And, family life cannot be run as monotonously as monastic life can be at times... our family needs adventure too. So I consider this ability to drop everything non-essential as a deeper spirit-of-the-rule issue, and tend to favor it.
Part of my rule IS the very ability to drop the practical schedule to attend to the heart of the rule - family relationships, God events, and not be tied to the rule similar to the way the Pharisees were tied to the Sabbath rules.
The only issues I would have is if Dad consistently interrupted *important* chores like the weekly clean or homeschool time.
In that event, after a serious little chat with hubby, I would either convince him to let his creative spontaneity flow AFTER these scheduled times (and the beauty of a rule is that, Dad knows exactly when he can't intervene and when he can - let's hope the whole schedule is not so packed that there is no time for sponteneity);
OR, I would alter my rule to accomodate the basic times we do certain things - watching for a pattern when Dad tends to get his creative streaks.
I alter my rule yearly anyway - like this year, I put weekly cleaning back to Friday morning, instead of a host of other times I've experimented with - which leaves Saturday free for Daddy's designs.
Please also note, I don't schedule my husband in any way, in order to avoid just such reluctance on the part of my man. I have set meal times and prayer times, and if he doesn't come, that's his choice and responsibility. I usually proceed with meals etc, unless he specifically requests I not for a reason.
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