Help
With Your Rule
Discerning How to School the Children
Dear Holly,
I have three young girls--4, 2.5 and 1. My 4-year-old is in preschool 2 days/week and also attends Catechesis of the Good Shepherd one day/week. She loves these activities so much. I've definitely seen her blossom in the past 2 months! It's hard to transfer that joy in school to home, though. I ask her if she wants to do this or that, and she doesn't! I ask her to help me, and she doesn't want to do it, even though I know she is responding at school. And then, I get upset, which I know doesn't help the situation! Ugh!! My desire is to really embrace my vocation as wife and mother. I don't know if I've really claimed it the way I need to, and I feel like I'm at a road block, and I'm not sure how to get past it. Any thoughts or suggestions?
More specifically, I have a question(s) regarding how to discern schooling options. In 1 1/2 years, my oldest will be in Kindergarten. Does her love for regular school play a factor in our discernment? Part of me really is attracted to homeschooling, yet I honestly do not know if I have what it takes. How do you discern your own personality to determine if this would work? What about the child's personality? In a way, part of me thinks it would be easier for me if my children went to school, but I know that is not the reason to send them. It has to be best for everyone, the kids and Mom, and I guess I just don't know how to discern that. Plus, my girls are so close in age (one year a part in school) that I don't know how it would work for me to school the oldest while the others are at my feet the whole time. Sure, it might be nice once they're all school age, but it seems a bit overwhelming now.
Labels: 4th P Parent, Homeschooling
posted by Holly at 7:07 PM
8 Comments:
Ahh... your questions are many and they are difficult! I know many mothers share your concerns, and many others have already been through them. And at this time, with your children so young, I am not sure you can make the decision with great certainty at this time.
Prayer for discernment is your first and main and ongoing step.
Reading about homeschooling is your second.
Then, in addition, I think your job over the next couple of years is to determine WHY you would want to homeschool, and if you have the abilities to homeschool (even for a few years), and if you have the commitment necessary to homeschool. Do you have a sense that God Himself is calling you to this? Do you have an inherent desire to do it? Do you believe this is the best thing?
At the same time, the Church has always said that parents have a right to delegate to competent others (ie the school) part of the educational needs of the child. Schools are there to support you, for in the Mystical Body of Christ - where each memebr is given different talents to build up the body - not all families are called to homeschool.
In this instance, if you do send them to school, you need to engage your parental discernment and choose the BEST school possible, which will form your child's character appropriately, as well as the mind and body.
In the meantime, if your child had been enjoying her preschool and weekly catechesis, good. This is a sign that she has a social nature and doesn't fear being away from you. I think that the only thing you can do here is to watch and assess... do you like the fruit you are seeing? Is it beneficial to the child and the family? Is it detrimental?
If she remains able to handle it, good. It will be an indication for that child whether you will homeschool or not.
But I would keep an eye on her refusal to do things with you. You remain the Mummy and you want to promote the primacy of your relationship with her.
My eldest daughter went to pre-school twice a week for a year too. And she loved every thing there, and yet was reluctant and sullen with me. After I had discussed this with the teachers, I realized that, if she was not doing this in the fun-pres-school environment, then her behavior with me was merely 'attitude' and I began to adjust it.
Oh,and BTW, I decided at the end of that year, that if I was going to homeschool, that sending her to a kindergarten outside my home was detrimental to having her be used to the more quiet and non-flashy pace of homeschool.
It's kind of like treats. If I feed my kids lots of sugar and cookies, they don't want to eat the normal nutritious food. So too, if I was planning to homeschool, which I was, then to send my daughter to a preschool which provided many more toys, much more flash than I could provide,and the gereral 'party air' of a revved up kindergarten, I was only harming my ability to run a contented homeschool.
I can't give something and then take it away. Well, I can... But it is easier all around if what I give is the main input, and I don't have to deal with unnecessary competition of a flashy nature, when my schooling is much more calm, basic and real-life.
Does this help?
I think homeschooling is so beautiful! And quite honestly, I want to protect my children as much as possible from this world's influences.
However, I do know that homeschooling is not for everyone--it's a definite calling--and I just don't know if I have what it takes (temperament and all).
You make a good point in choosing the BEST school that will promote character building, as well as quality education! YES!!
I also have noticed some families who send their children to school are doing other things in the home, such as catechesis, etc., so that is another idea ... If I send them to school, what can we do at
home to promote continued learning, character building, responsibility, love of family, love of the Lord, etc.? Any ideas?
Parents remain the primary educators of their children, no matter the parental temperament and talents. As result, the responsibility for the ongoing formation of the children falls under parental responsibility. You can look at the school as providing academic formation, which you are still called to oversee. But you remain in charge of spiritual and faith formation, and this needs to be incorporated into your home life.
You need to ensure access to regular sacraments, daily prayer, and catechetical formation - whether you teach formally through a program or more informally through your conscious observance of the liturgical year , story time, family discussions, retreats, videos, etc.
We form our children in two main ways - first by our lived example, so your own faith life is THE primary teacher of your kids. And After that, your explanations and proclamation to them, which is indispensable, needs to be consciously happening.
It would behoove every family to sit and consciously decide times and methods for catechesis and prayer and sacraments.
In addition, how we raise our children - their character - is another aspect of their formation. So, whether or not you feed the kids a diet of cookies or healthy foods, and whether they are spoiled or not; whether or not you permit children to yell at you and refuse to work; whether you have them keep their rooms tidy and speak to their siblings with attempts at politeness - these are the next most important and indispensable aspects of education which fall under parental control and management. Without the PRACTICE of the faith in this concrete applied way, the 'information' of the faith does little.
Holly
I can totally relate to your uncertainty about home schooling. It was one of those things that I thought was great, but not for me. Our daughter attended Kindergarten and First grade at our local parochial school, but we decided about midway through her 1st grade year to begin home schooling the following year. We didn't encounter any problems or anything, it was genuinely a prompting of the Holy Spirit. God was simply calling us in a different direction. We have 3 currently in school, in 3rd & 1st grades, and Kindergarten (my kids, too are very close in age). We have 2 younger ones, also, and a baby to arrive in two months. Some days definitely go better than others, but my kids love home schooling, as do I. Not only is it fun, but my kids seem to be flourishing. I had serious concerns about my ability, but one advantage that you have over the school system is that, not only do you know your kids better than anyone else, you love them and care more about their well being than anyone else. Sometimes I wonder how it will continue to work, as we have more children or they get into more difficult subjects, but I firmly believe that God has led us this far, and He will not abandon us in this endeavor. Being part of a group helps immensly, and I have family members that home school. Many of my friends that home school are college educated and at first I was intimidated by this; now I realize that they are a great resource and a great help to me. Remembering that I am not alone has been a huge help. I have also chosen a curriculum in which I enroll my children, so that I have lesson plans already made out and have access to counselors if I have any questions. They also keep records of grades, etc. but are not so stringent that I MUST send things in. If I don't, I don't. All in all, it has been a wonderful thing for our family. People have also seemed concerned about not having time away from my kids, but I really enjoy having them with me all the time. It feels more natural to me than having to be separated so much. Well, those are just my ramblings. We are certainly still figuring things out as we go, but I am thankful for the opportunity to be so involved with my children and we have all continued to grow together in faith.
Lu
PS - I would definitely check out www.hslda.com. They are the Home School Legal Defense Association, their website can help you to find out more about home schooling laws in your state. Some other resources that I've found useful are www.setonhome.org, www.love2learn.net, and 4reallearning.net
I am surrounded by people that homeschool and I feel it usually is "stealing" their childhood. If your child is content in school why rob her of that. Also the comparison of candy to healthy food (public vs. homeschooling). I think that public school can sometimes be less poisonous than having an unstable "wacko" mom teach her kids. The key here is to raise happy healthy adults, not adults that feel they never fit in to this world. I do know home schoolers, I am related to some. I was private Catholic schooled and this is my 2 cents.
To this last commenter - it is important to not overgeneralize that all homeschooling children have their childhood stolen from them... It sounds to me like you have seen some very negative things in your local homeschoolers, and by far, I agree with you that a public school can be better than a homeschool with a deranged mother.
But, I think we can obviously conclude that homeschooling itself is not the issue in that case, and I truly believe my kids have been 'given' their childhood by permitting them to have ample free time to create, build, bake, draw, work with pets, etc etc etc in the afternoon, instead of being forced to sit in a classroom all day long. My kids often have felt sorry for kids who have to sit in school all day. So too, my older teens enjoy the social benefits of the classroom in high school.
I also would challenge your opinion that homeschooled kids do not feel they 'fit in' all the time. I am not sure this is a general characteristic of homeschoolers. Having attending a school myself as a child, I know this feeling is additionally often the case with perfectly normal, balanced healthy and publically schooled kids too. That said, 'fitting in' can also be the basis for popularity desires and peer pressure, which we know to be an issue in the school systems, and which can override a child's own personal self-possession and decision making.
Let's try to be careful in these comments about making what can be perceived as a generalized criticism, whether it be toward homeschooling or those whom the Lord intends to attend public or private schools.
In reality, as you have said, it is about raising healthy happy and HOLY adults, and the parents must discern, with the grace of God, what His Will is for their children. It is as private a decision as NFP, and not really open to criticism by others.
I appreciate your honest and respectful reply. I just find it troubling the move to homeschooling. I am originally from S. America where homeschooling is nonexistent. I just have trouble understanding its growth and popularity in this country. I really do not see how it is in the best interest of the child. I feel they do lose. My husband and I were both private catholic schooled and my children (ages 3 and 1) I will try to enroll in private school. My 3 year old currently goes to a local Baptist church for MDO. I guess it depends on the school experience you've had. I had a wonderful school experience. Not everyday was positive but looking back It's hard to recall a bad day. I just would not rob my kids of the joy I felt growing up. I guess if others had a negative experience growing up they too would want to protect their kids from that. If you are zoned to a horrible public school and cannot afford private I can see that homeschooling may be the answer. I just have seen mothers suffering from depression dragging the kids down with them. I think it could possibly be done right, but a mother should know her limits, and know when it is not the best thing for her.
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