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Help With Your Mother's Rule

Help With Your Mother's Rule is a forum for women who want trouble-shooting help with their Mother's Rules or about any aspect of the 5 Ps of the married vocation.
Ask Holly: This blog is composed of your questions.Contact me at the address listed on Holly's Notebook page and I will post questions and answers. Please share your unique ideas as well. The more ideas and experience we share, the more successful every mother will be in designing her own unique Mother's Rule.
Holly Pierlot

A Mother's Rule of Life Companion

Establishing Your Practical Rule - Printable Workbook

Where I Can Purchase the Mother's Rule Workbook

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

How Not to Put "Mummy" on Hold...

Dear Holly,
I am the adoptive mother of 2 beautiful little girls. But as you may know, adoption does not occur without a heavy financial price. Subsequently, I still have to work outside the home in a full time job. We are well on our way to getting our finances in place to allow me to stay home and homeschool our daughters (and any future children God places in our lives through adoption). I am jotting notes toward my own rule and keeping track of things so that I know what our individual "requirements" will be. I have discussed the 5 P's with my husband, and he finds the concept challenging - mostly because they are not the priorities that he has used in his life. He seems to be buying into the whole thought process. I will tell you, though, that I do find the entire prospect very daunting. As a mother who has limited time at home, I find that something has to give, and usually that is my sleep time, which then is reflected in how I interact with my family. Do you have any suggestions regarding how to work things around and still be able to take care of myself?
Labels: 2nd P Person

posted by Holly at 2:04 PM 4 comments

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Finding Personal Time

Dear Holly,
I am struggling with finding some "my time" and some ideas of what to do to fill that time. I have currently 4 children under age 5. I thank God that my husband is very supportive of me doing something to fill the "my time" slot. The only drawback is that financially right now, we cannot afford anything- I can't believe the prices! The other obstacle is that I only have a weekend nights open and free right now. Do you have any ideas of what I can do? I would preferably like a sport outlet to release tension and stress. Also, something that I can completely not focus on what I need to do at home. I have tried walking (I can't run b/c of my asthma) but that is too quiet for me, I hear over and over in my head the children's songs that we listen to all day long. Trips to the library are cheap but once again are too quiet! Please help- this mom needs an escape so I can come back a better well-rounded mom!
Labels: 2nd P Person

posted by Holly at 4:10 PM 7 comments

Friday, March 17, 2006

Adapting School Methods to the Person

Dear Holly,
I really am intrigued by your format and insight on homeschooling. I am seriously thinking of adapting to your suggested methods. I've been homeschooling for @ 7yrs. I have always been involved in co-ops and such as support, except for this year & we stayed home totally. I have generally followed Laura Berquists classical curriculum and this year for the first time I've done my best at following her day by day syllabi. It has been HARD but very insightful and some awesomely blessed moments. Its not so much the content as the juggle of grades, ages, teacher, mom etc. Getting what is expected in the syllabi completed for all 3 children with all 3 each day was nearly impossible for me. I did lighten up but reading your postings on homeschooling I could do a lot more lightening up.
More specifically I'm undecided about my 11 almost 12 year old boy. He is my oldest and is in 6th grade. He is very bright, athletic or energetic. I don't think or I know he was not very challenged, not because of content, this year which made him easily distracted and a big distraction for me and the other children. Plus with the lack of accountability he just doesn't seem to care. (especially if at the end of the day mom doesn't either!!) We were involved in a 2 day week co-op which was based on Laura Berquist curriculum. He had different teachers small classes and very faith filled. I think he thrived and he actually would like to go back. But that commitment for him is a commitment for all of us and I do love teaching or as you say tutoring my children. I think part of the reason he thrived at the co-op is because of the peer motivation. He is not a pretender he is a creator; my other children seem to be both. So he does not always want to "play"/interact with his siblings, so this need is not being met. He has always wanted to interact with the adults or have them interact with him. Case in point we have a project fair coming up he said he wanted to do something for it. We are studying Egypt. So he and I talked about it and discussed some ideas. He was gung ho at first and when I am actually doing something hands on with him related to the project he is interested but other wise he doesn't seem to have the interest on his own.
So the reason for this long winded personification of my son is that I was wondering, if he was your son how would you apply your method of homeschooling, practically speaking. I would love to see him thrive and be happy and challenged and love learning right here at home but I'm not sure where or how to start putting together what would pull that out of him naturally. I'm not sure I can or should, but your opinion and insight maybe a good discernment tool.
Labels: 4th P Parent, Homeschooling

posted by Holly at 2:30 PM 4 comments

Avoiding Invasive Comments

Dear Holly,
I have four children and number five is due in two months. I have come to dread going out in public with them because I get constant comments such as "Are they all yours?" "How old are they?" "Any twins?" You get the idea. Honestly, I find these questions invasive from complete strangers. I understand people are just curious or trying to make conversation, but I am
becoming increasingly uncomfortable venturing out into public with my children. Each time we go into a store, for example, I may get three or four comments about my family size and I am very self conscious if one of my children misbehave (as they often do since three of my four are boys and quite energetic). Sometimes I end up crying in the car on the way home I feel so stressed out by the comments people make. I know my children stand out because they are closely spaced (by choice).
My oldest is 6 years old. Also, my children stand out a bit as they are blonde and blue eyed and look very similar. But I don't need to hear from three or four people about my family size each time I go to the store. Once in a grocery store a woman turned about and actually screamed, "Oh my goodness! Look at them!" Several other people in the store turned to view
what she was screaming about-it was just me shopping with my four children. I was mortified.

I attempt to do the majority of my shopping when my husband is home so he can watch the kids, or I will leave some of the children at home but that is not always possible. I have noticed that if I have three children with me I never get comments but add that fourth child and I seem to be the center of attention. I have smiled, attempted humor and done other various things to stop the comments but honestly now I just pretend not to hear people. The last time I was at a store a woman actually followed me around the store asking me questions about my children. My replies were curt and I moved quickly about to give the impression I did not have time to talk but she still circled around to ask more questions!
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 9:16 AM 14 comments

Motivating Our Spouses

Dear Holly,
My question pertains to husbands and chores/projects around the house. My husband is wonderful in many ways, however - an area of weakness is procrastination. He talks a bit about things he would like to do (big projects like adding a bathroom to our house) or just minor ones (like fixing a screen on the porch) but to see it actually get done is another matter. I find myself steaming up inside trying not to allow my feelings to become passive aggressive remarks. I have discussed this tendency with him and he listens but often jokes about his procrastinating ways and makes flippant remarks putting himself down. I have tried honey do lists and even trying to pin down a date to get something done. Am I expecting too much? To be honest, when I pray about this problem I often find myself thinking about my husband's relationship with his father (who has died) and how he was not really a hands on dad. But then I find myself in thinking unkind thoughts about my in-laws that grow and grow. I am so afraid that my husband will always be this way! Nothing will ever get done. Any comments/advice will be greatly appreciated
Labels: 3rd P Partner

posted by Holly at 8:54 AM 4 comments

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Question Re: Holly's Homeschooling Part II

Dear Holly,
Thank you so much for your wonderful website and book! I am slowly working through creating my own Mother's Rule, one small step at a time. I'm finding, though, that I'm having a very hard time keeping the homeschooling time in proper balance. When I read your post about limiting school to three hours a day I thought, "Wow! That sounds so wonderful." But I'm afraid to do it! I, like you, was trained as a teacher. In addition, my husband is an academic, so I want my children, if they should so choose, to be equiped to follow in their father's footsteps. However, I'm finding that schooling (we are using Calvert) is taking nearly all of my time. Reading your book helped me realize that I have been neglecting my other obligations, and I am working
toward a schedule and rule that is more balanced and, I pray, more in line with God's will. But it is such a struggle for me! Yet I plan to dive in and do it! I would love to know more about your personal journey from how you were taught to teach, to how you now homeschool, which sounds like such a breath of fresh air to me. It would be truly encouraging to hear your thoughts. Also, how can I discern when I'm being motivated by a good desire for my children to excel, and when I'm being motivated by pride?
Labels: Homeschooling

posted by Holly at 8:14 PM 7 comments

Friday, March 03, 2006

Boys Will be Boys?

Dear Holly,
Thank you for your book. I struggled along wondering how to fill in my days until I read your book and realized that I needed to embrace my vocation and fill in my days with a routine and a structure. It seems so obvious...but, not being raised that way, it was new to me. It's been a real blessing in my life.
I have a 5yr old girl, a 4 yr old boy, a 2yr old girl and one expected to arrive next month. I'm spending so much time and energy in my day disciplining my son and it's really wearing me down. I've never had these kinds of problems with my girls. I am interrupted in any task I may be doing every 5 min usually because he is starting fights with one of the girls. It's almost always something that's 'boyish', like just being too rough and throwing things or breaking things for play (not to be mean) or goofing around instead of doing what he's told. They all like to play together but seem to be unable to do so without my constant supervision and involvement. Should I accept at this time that he needs this level of my attention and work that into my rule? Or do have any suggestions on what to do with my son? Maybe I'm just not used to boyish behavior. Any suggestions or book recommendations would be very much appreciated.
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 2:13 PM 9 comments

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