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Help With Your Mother's Rule
Help With Your Mother's Rule is a forum for women who want trouble-shooting
help with their Mother's Rules or about any aspect of the 5 Ps of
the married vocation.
Ask
Holly: This blog is composed of your questions.Contact me at the address listed on Holly's Notebook page
and I will post questions and answers. Please share your unique ideas as well. The more ideas and experience we share,
the more successful every mother will be in designing her own unique
Mother's Rule.
Holly Pierlot
A Mother's Rule of Life Companion
Establishing Your Practical Rule - Printable Workbook
Where I Can Purchase the Mother's Rule Workbook
A Child Who Doesn't Sleep
Dear Holly,
I have a 2 year old daughter and a 2 month old daughter. My 2 years old wakes up at night more than her sister! She wakes up 2 or 3 times and then wants to get up at 6:00am and sometimes earlier. Between both girls I get up at least 4 times, getting only a few hours of sleep. My 2 year old wakes up and calls me over and over until I come, sometimes she will call for a whole hour! She asks for me to sing a song to her, or to get her a kleenex, to get her a drink, or to go potty (which she normally hates doing). We have gone days at a time letting her cry it out, but she will still cry for an hour each time every single night. And now that we have a newborn in the house, I have to get her to stop crying before she wakes up her sister. Somehow I think it's more than just teething. She seems fine during the day. She still has lots of energy, even though she gets only 8 hours of sleep at night. She usually goes to bed really good with no fuss at all. Also, it doesn't matter how long her nap is during the day, she still does the same thing at night. Do you think she is getting enough sleep and is there any way I can get her to sleep through every night?Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 9:54 AM
11 comments
Can a Rule be Spiritually Counter-Productive?
Dear Holly,
Thank you for your book. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. My question is: Can a 'rule' ever be spiritually counterproductive? I have a deep yearning to establish a rule and greater order in my home. My son is four and daughter is 18 months. They are busy and I always feel like my whole day consists of flying by the seat of my pants, putting out fires. While others think I am very orderly (the house usually looks reasonably good) the truth is that there are many things that I KNOW ARE BEING IGNORED. I feel like a set order would help me have a home that serves God and family better AND helps me to be in a more positive frame of mind. My conundrum is that twice I have gone for spiritual direction (two different directors). Both times I got the impression from them that they felt too much 'order' or 'control' might be spiritually counterproductive. One asked me if I leaned towards a lot of order. I agreed that I do much better with order and planning. But I don't think I'm a compulsive. I've got dust on my furniture (including some bunnies), closets that are a mess, a refrigerator that needs cleaning ... all the usual stuff. My prayer time is totally 'up in the air' and there are many tasks in terms of upkeep that I never get too. Ditto room
for personal time. But now I am anxious that by working towards a rule I might be devising my plan instead of God's plan. I would be grateful for any thoughts you could share.Labels: 1st P Prayer, About a Rule of Life
posted by Holly at 7:55 AM
1 comments
Learning How to Parent
Dear Holly,
The most challenging relationship I have within the family right now is with my preschooler. I love her dearly, but it is really hard for me to reach her. I feel like I don't know how to relate to her. (i.e., How do I motivate her to do her chores? How do I discipline her lovingly yet firmly (to stay in quiet time, to listen to me, etc.)? How do I encourage her to try new things with me--I set aside time to do a craft or work on counting, and she doesn't want to do these things? How do I teach her to play a game?) My husband works beautifully with her, but I feel like I am not a very good mom to her at all. I think I approach things all wrong with her, but I don't know another way. I am hopeful that through prayer and grace I will figure this out, but I also am
struggling ...Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 7:30 AM
6 comments
Question re Holly's Homeschooling
Dear Holly,
I have a real practical question about homeschooling. Are you still homeschooling, and if so what grades, and what type of school schedule works for you? Are you enrolled or use a certain curriculum? How do you juggle (not balls)?Labels: Homeschooling
posted by Holly at 10:10 AM
32 comments
The Long Lost Nap...
Dear Holly,
I had accomplished getting all three of my children -- even baby -- to take an afternoon nap so I could get a break and get my housework done. I took the advice of another mom and broke up my tasks into days (Monday: living room, Tuesday: kitchen, Etc.). Now, however, my preschool child is quitting her nap! I don't know what to do with her! I have tried quiet time in her room for 1/2 hour, but she keeps getting out of her room and disrupting her sleeping sister. (Is this reason to discipline her?) Even with 1/2 hour quiet time, this doesn't give me much time to get anything done. I guess I feel like this part of my rule isn't working anymore, and I have to adjust! How much quiet time is appropriate for a preschooler? Any suggestions for what to do with her for the 2 hours I used to have to clean, organize and relax?Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 8:02 PM
5 comments
Little Kids and Chores
Dear Holly,
What do I do with my little children when I need to clean the kitchen from breakfast? How do I motivate them to help? What can a 2 and 3 year old actually do?Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 8:01 PM
4 comments
Frustration with Not-So-Perfect-Rule
Dear Holly,
I wrote to you a few months ago, as I was making the transition to having three children 3 and under! I took your beautiful advice, and things have been going fairly well. At least I have some basic things set up: my prayer time, morning chores, family prayer ... I still don't feel like our day has a very nice flow, which gets me frustrated. I want things to flow naturally, one after the other, but sometimes, things take a little longer to accomplish, or I have to feed the baby, and then I lose the other two children completely. At this point, "Can we watch ...?" often creeps in, and I don't have a very quick response. I don't mind them watching a video here and there, but I want to set the time, not them!Labels: 4th P Parent, About a Rule of Life
posted by Holly at 7:59 PM
1 comments
Personal Healing
Dear Holly,
Thank you so much for your gift to Catholic mothers. Your story is so like my own, and I am hoping you know of a way to find a trustworthy priest who is able to pray over someone who has been through the same types of life trauma you describe -- from coming from a broken home all the way to having your entire life/family/fertility devastated by a very spiritually ill priest who encouraged the use of "intermittent possession." I need the kind of healing you describe. I am deeply wounded, cry regularly and have no where to turn. If you can recommend a priest near us... or an order or know how to locate priests who are able to heal in the ways you describe I will thank you forever.Labels: 2nd P Person
posted by Holly at 2:33 PM
1 comments
Culture Shock
Dear Holly,
I LOVE MROL...thank you for taking the time from your busy mother's life to provide it to me and others. I recently became a full-time stay-at-home mother. I worked 4 days/week for 19 yrs. I have four children 13, 7, 3 & 6 months. I am truly blessed to be able to stay home and know it is God's will for me, therefore I am truly happy to be doing His will.
My oldest two children are in school during the day, but I'm having a very difficult time with my 3 y.o. Our personalities clash terribly - I say black, he says "NO". I say please, he says "NO". I say anything, he says "NO". Spanking does not phase him; time outs make him scream & wake the baby. I've become so angry at times I just want him to go away. We both try to hug and say sorry and start over, but this "clashing" seems to happen a few times a day. I pray to St. Therese of the Child Jesus (my 3 y.o. was born on her feast day), asking her how to help me love him, usually by saying..."St. Therese...send me graces...NOW!" SInce I nurse the baby, I don't get my morning prayer time in, but usually complete a rosary daily throughout nursing times, as well as a morning offering. Every other week for one hour, my husband and I go to our local adoration chapel - I don't know what I'd do without this time alone with Jesus, it's my saving grace. Some days I feel like I'm barely afloat - mentally, spiritually & physically. I realize we're all going through many changes having me home, but I get so frustrated w/my 3 y.o., that I'm not sure how to deal with him. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 2:30 PM
6 comments
New Baby, No Rule, and A Seemingly Losing Battle
Dear Holly,
I must thank you for being open to God's grace in writing this book. I cannot express in words how inspiring it is for me. I am so excited to get started on my rule, and I have started a little on the first P: Prayer. But unfortunately, that little start is really, really small, and I don't see it growing in the near future. :-(
We have two children, a 2 year old and a 4 month old. I am struggling to get the 4 month old on any sort of a schedule right now. He is very clingy and needs to be held to get to sleep during the day, and he sleeps a lot - only a couple of 30 minute intervals during the day where I don't have to hold him. While I have a good baby carrier that I can use, he doesn't sleep for very long while in it. The best way he sleeps is if I am holding him using my two arms, and then I can rarely put him down without waking him. I am feeling so much guilt because I am neglecting my 2 year old, my house, my husband and myself. I am feeling much guilt also because I feel like I enabled this behavior in my 4 month old, and now it is disrupting the entire family balance. I have read many sleep books from one extreme to the other. Despite thinking that most of the techniques I read about were junk, I tried many of them, but without success.
In addition to all of this, for the first time in my life, I feel like I have a real crisis of faith. I have to fight against my anger toward God for allowing this to happen and for not giving me a solution. And I feel guilty for feeling such a thing toward my Creator, my Savior. But I feel abandoned by Him. I am willing to do anything - even suffer though - but the suffering seems to have no purpose. I don't know what I'm supposed to be learning spiritually through this, and being that some of the suffering is at the expense of my children, I feel even more resentful. In the past I have been able to sort out my feelings when fighting spiritual battles; I have been able to see that the suffering was for my own good, and while I may not have liked it, I eventually came to accept it. But none of my prayers thus far have brought about any clarity. It's a new territory for me spiritually, and I simply have no clue how to navigate through it. I would appreciate any spiritual guidance or insight that you may be able to offer me.Labels: 1st P Prayer, 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 2:00 PM
19 comments
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