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Help With Your Mother's Rule

Help With Your Mother's Rule is a forum for women who want trouble-shooting help with their Mother's Rules or about any aspect of the 5 Ps of the married vocation.
Ask Holly: This blog is composed of your questions.Contact me at the address listed on Holly's Notebook page and I will post questions and answers. Please share your unique ideas as well. The more ideas and experience we share, the more successful every mother will be in designing her own unique Mother's Rule.
Holly Pierlot

A Mother's Rule of Life Companion

Establishing Your Practical Rule - Printable Workbook

Where I Can Purchase the Mother's Rule Workbook

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Parenting Styles & "Order" for All & Baby Steps

Dear Holly,
I just want to share for moms who tend toward nursing at night and babies in bed! After much prayer and trial and error, (for I had such a pull both to do the rule, for the thought of it is pure beauty, AND such a pull to still nurse the baby in my bed because it works so well for my family)... I just want to share that finally I listened enough to the Lord and to Our Lady..."Start simply!"

You've said this over and over, but it never clicked! I never even made sure that we all got up at the same time and ate at the same time, etc. But once I started to do this, my dear son has begun to take a 3 hour nap (!) at around the same time in the pm. So here the Lord has blessed me with this time I have been begging for, but never putting the effort forth because frankly, it seemed too simple!! :-)

I just have to share for those moms who feel like they can't find order because they parent the way I do. But I can tell you, "simple tiny baby steps will be blessed". Now I'm sure there will be more work coming, but it was such a beautiful week this week-and I have been able to pray more, spend time with my 3 year old-I didn't jump to trying to figure out what chores to do b/c I think I'm learning that the baby step thing is CRUCIAL to my will not protesting the whole Rule/routine thing that I am so conditioned not to want to do.

Anyway, I can only thank you again and just wanted to offer this reflection should other moms find themselves in my situation.
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 2:10 PM 1 comments

Outgoing Mom & Homeschooling

Dear Holly:
I am a stay-at-home mother of a four year old and a two year old. My husband and I plan to have more children, and we plan to homeschool. My current dilemma is this: It seems like I need to get out of the house just about every day (library storytimes, trips to the zoo, playdates, etc...), just to keep my sanity. However, I do always schedule one "at home day" each week, but that seems to be all that the children and I can handle. I cannot imagine my future homeschooling life. Am I going out with my children too much? Do I need to schedule more at-home time? My schedule seems to be determined mostly by the outing of the day. Should we try to stay home more, and how would I go about making the switch? Are regular outings for preschoolers beneficial/necessary? Sometimes I wonder who benefits from our outings. Please help!
Labels: Homeschooling

posted by Holly at 1:30 PM 4 comments

Career, Miscarriage and NFP

Dear Holly,
My husband and I are all for Natural Family Planning. When we got married my husband wanted children straight away, but I felt called to finish my degree. So we went with this. However in May 2005 I fell pregnant and soon after miscarried. My husband was upset, and I felt a bit relieved (I hate to admit this because I love children and love the idea of being a mum). Only a few months later I fell pregnant again and then went on to have another miscarriage. This time I was really upset. But I thought that it was God telling me that I am not ready to be a mum and have to wait. It has been 4 months since then and there could be a chance that I am pregnant and I am really confused as to how I should be feeling. Each time that I fell pregnant I knew that I would (Because of NFP, I knew my cycle etc) but I was caught up in the moment. If I feel called to finish my degree but fall pregnant is that going against God's will? Is he making me miscarry because he doesn't want me to have children yet? Am I not being open to having children? Do I not understand the true spirit of NFP??

I hope you can shed some light on the situation.
Labels: Miscellaneous

posted by Holly at 12:48 PM 3 comments

Lost Spiritual Director - Now What?

Dear Holly,
First of all, thanks for all you do with the Mother's Rule of Life website. I check it often to gather encouragement and inspiration in working on my rule. My question is about finding a spiritual director. I converted from a protestant background to the Catholic Church almost 5 years ago and have gone off and on to the Opus Dei mornings of recollection in my area for that entire time. I have never had somebody who was officially my "spiritual director", but I would sometimes seek direction from the Opus Dei priest at the mornings of recollection. We recently had a change in priests for Opus Dei and the new priest has a language barrier that prevents him from giving much spiritual direction. We also recently moved to a different area of town
and changed parishes. Our old parish has been pastor-less for the last 4 years, so I did not have anybody I sought spiritual direction from there. Our new parish is very large and thriving, but it has made it harder to get to know the pastor well or to develop a relationship with him that would be good for spiritual direction. I'm looking for suggestions on how to find a good spiritual director and how to establish that relationship. Any help you could offer would be greatly appreciated!
Labels: 1st P Prayer

posted by Holly at 12:05 PM 2 comments

Saturday, January 21, 2006

No Time for Spouse

Dear Holly,
I'm having difficulty finding a regular time to give attention to my spouse. He is a busy doctor and busy coaching hockey, so evenings get too late. We do attend daily Mass often at 7:00 a.m. but then we have no alone time in the mornings. Also do you have any Catholic resources for helping us to learn to pray as a couple?
Labels: 3rd P Partner

posted by Holly at 8:01 PM 4 comments

FYI - About Blog Spam!

Hi Ladies
I have been receiving some blog spam lately - which puts in irrelevant comments with email addresses - and this is done 'automatically'. In order to combat this, I have added a 'word verification' feature which blocks unwanted spam. After typing in your comments, you will have to type in a small set of letters which you see. Hope this will not discourage you from responding, for it is necessary to maintain the purity of this site, and does not in anyway affect your own email.
Blessings
Holly

posted by Holly at 12:27 PM

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Re Total Consecration to Jesus Through Mary

Dear Holly,
I have been considering the idea of total consecration to Jesus through Mary for several years, on and off. I've been a Catholic for 16 years now; I grew up evangelical Protestant. I've come across the idea of consecration to Jesus through Mary several times, and been intrigued -- but hestitant. I think I've overcome most of my Protestant baggage on this one, but there is still this niggling doubt. Total consecration to Jesus -- no problem! I've been trying to live this since I was baptized at 16 (I'm 43 now). Asking for help on this from Mary -- again, no problem. Makes perfect sense. And if it was good enough for John Paul the Great, it ought to be good enough for me, shouldn't it?

I guess the thing that I hesitate about comes down to something like this: how do I know that I should do this? How can I know that Jesus wants this of me, in particular? Or do I really even need to know that? If this is something that is really just a logical extension of my baptismal vows, and something that every Christian is somehow called to, then I guess I wouldn't need a personal invitation, so to speak. But I want to know that this is being asked of me, or maybe offered to me. Otherwise, it seems rash, or presumptuous, or something like that. I mean, just walking up to someone and saying "I put myself at your complete disposal" seems a bit impertinent, unless one has been invited to do so, at least implicitly. Otherwise, it would be a bit like just walking up to someone and starting to say marriage vows, or like nominating oneself to be someone's very, very best friend.

Does this make any sense to you at all? I really want to belong to Jesus completely, and I want to take whatever path He intends to that. But making a lifelong vow is something I need certainty about, or I couldn't do it in good conscience.
Labels: 1st P Prayer

posted by Holly at 4:25 PM 2 comments

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Extended Family and a Mother's Rule

Dear Holly,
I have a question regarding where extended family members fit in to my rule.
My mother lives close by and I see her almost every day. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to be able to be scheduled in and has very hurt feelings when she feels that I don't have time for her. She is rather depressed and very needy emotionally. She tries to help and will sometimes take my younger kids to her house but seems unable to feed them appropriately and will bring them home past lunch without having fed them anything but cookies or ice cream. I have tried talking to her about scheduling time with us, and about the kids' eating habits, but she just gets hurt feelings and it doesn't seem that anything changes. Often I will send the kids with her, not so much to help me, although it can be a nice break, but to keep her spirits up. I love my mother very much and, at 84, I can appreciate that she needs me and I don't want to ruin what time we have left together. I love that my boys have her and want to spend time with her, though she really just wants the company and lets them watch tv and play video games.
I don't mean to put her down, she just seems to have forgotten how best to care for children and, certainly, times have changed since she had small kids. If she doesn't take the kids to her house than she is here asking when I will have time to "sit and visit". I guess I am just asking for some advice on how to minimize the negative impact around here. It is impossible for me to tell her she is not welcome in my home and she won't be scheduled. She just stops by no matter how many times I ask her not to. Unless I meet her at the front door, tell her that it is not a good time and I will call her later and shut the door on her, she will just be here. Any advice that you can offer would be most helpful.
Labels: Miscellaneous

posted by Holly at 7:09 PM 6 comments

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Dealing with Procrastination

Dear Holly,
Firstly I would like to thank you for such a wonderful book! I read it all in a couple of days. It has given me a great insight into what life as a mum is about. At the moment I am newly married (Feb 2005) and have no children. I am not working but studying primary teaching full-time over the internet. I have tried to write up a schedule and for a few days it goes really well. However, I have a huge procrastination and will-power problem. I find it hard to really knuckle down to my study and get bored and angry at myself. What can I do to get motivated and to really give my study the attention and hard work it deserves?? I am just so slack and unmotivated!!
Labels: About a Rule of Life, Miscellaneous

posted by Holly at 12:11 AM 4 comments

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