Help
With Your Rule
Helping Husband Discern Homeschooling
Dear Holly,
I have greatly enjoyed your book and am in the process of forming my own rule. We have 5 children ages 4-10 with another on the way. Our children have attended a Catholic School 30 miles from where we live since our oldest was in kindergarten and we are set to have 4 in school this year. Since reading your book and other Catholic materials, I am feeling pulled toward homeschooling. I've prayed and just feel it is in the best interest of our children and family. My husband doesn't feel the same way. He has negative "stereotypes" of homeschooling and when we begin to break through those he still has concerns. I am having a hard time putting into words the why's to him as it's just something I feel in my heart is right and I don't need a lot of explanations or justifications for. As the head of our family, he has the ultimate decision but I would like to be able to give him a little more to base his decision on. I know very little about how homeschooling actually works and am discovering a lot as I search for information. Any suggestions on where to begin and how to at least give my husband an objective look at the options?
Labels: Homeschooling
posted by Holly at 10:59 AM
15 Comments:
Firstly, I think that for you to continue your research into homeschooling is important - so that as you think and learn, you will be able to attach more words to the interior reasons for your attraction. Your husband needs you to explain these things to him and he probably can't follow your internal hunches or intuitions or heart-pulls, no matter how valid. He needs to see objective reasons and good results.
So I think continued reading and research on your part - continued prayer - and continued sharing your positive discoveries over the course of the next year as you learn and discern is the key.
You need your husband to 'buy into it' - and this must be legitimate. One of the key ways we can discern the specific call of God in our direct situations is to have our husband confirm our heart's leanings. If there is not unity on this major issue, I would not consider it God's Will. And since we want to do God's Will, not our own, we need to take our time in making these types of large decisions and make sure couple-commitment is in order.
Our husband's thoughts are not an obstacle to God's Will , but an indication of it - at least for the time being. Nonetheless, your ongoing discussion and sharing may change his mind - and thus, in God's good timing, you will indeed be homeschooling. So , I say, "Keep the vision!" and keep praying and keep researching/sharing - without pressure for him to change his mind. You want the pure goodness of homeschooling done well , in itself, to change his mind - so much so that he is convinced of the benefit.
MROL website visitors - any good books this woman can read to introduce her to Catholic homeschooling and provide solid benefits for her to share with her husband? Any good reasons you can share for her to share??
I read The Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling by Debra Bell and went through her positive and negetive points one by one with my husband. She is not Catholic, but does write from a Christian perspective, and I think she did point out some valid downsides that need to be considered...but of course presents all the excellent reasons why one should homeschool.
I definitely agree with you Holly that homeschooling without the full support of the spouse would be a big mistake! There is much opposition to homeschooling from other sources (church, neighborhood, other relatives) that you need your husband as an ally (even if he weren't head of the household).
Good reasons to homeschool (for starters): small class size, more Catholic culture than most parochial schools (you can do the rosary every day and talk about all subjects from a Catholic perspective!), and you know for sure when your children have mastered a concept (because you make them do it over and over again).
I would recommend the book "Homeward Bound" by Kimberly Hahn. It really convicted me that I have a moral obligation to my children, especially the more hard-headed one, to try homeschooling. The argument that really convicted me was that of teaching the virtues. A school teacher may do an excellent job of telling the students about the virtues, but does not have the luxury of actually stopping whatever activity is going on to work on practicing the virtues when a given child is having a problem and needs the practice and hands-on encouragement that my type-A, strong-willed, hot-tempered, loves-to-do-things-just-to-irritate first born son needs constantly through-out the day. It just isn't logistically possible to do this in a classroom full of students, and it wouldn't be fair to the other student's either. Hahn presents lots of other good reasons for homeschooling, and it might be a good book to go through with your husband.
One thing that has helped is when my husband sees and meets other homeschooling families, other homeschooling children and how well behaved they are, how they attend Mass more etc...
If you can get together with other couples who have homeschooled, maybe one coouple at a time so it is not overwhelming for him, that may help widen his horizons. To even it out, maybe even meeting with other couples who have previously did the Catholic school route or public school route but now homeschool. Ask them why they changed, etc... IPOD's are great for downloading comments/talks from dads who homeschool. It is so important to have him be a part of it, not just to agree to it. As my own husband says, it is not just "I(mom)"who homeschools but "We". This takes a huge burnden off of me and gives a whole new sense of unity within the family and our marriage. God bless you!!!
I would also recommend "Homeward Bound" as a great book to read and share what you are learning with your husband. I even had my husband read a few "key" chapters of the book for himself. I have found it is easier to get my husband to read small chuncks at a time (as opposed to asking him to read the whole book.) Then keep discusssing what you are learning. I asked God in my prayer to convict my husband as a sign this was His Will. It only took a couple of months of prayer and sharing information until my husband was open to giving it a try. Now he is my best support! I couldn't do it without him because there is so much negative pressurue from society and family.
Goodluck and God Bless.
Hi, first time poster here! I agree, you must get your husband's agreement before proceeding! Here's another book that's not specifically about homeschooling, but addresses the "socialisation" issue better than any specifically homeschooling book I've seen. (Also it may be more palatable as it's not obviously from the homeschooling "camp". It's Gordon Neufeld's book Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Matter. Dr. Neufeld is a child development psychologist and works from the attachment theory. I would bet he could put your heart-pullings into words really well. He did for me.
Excellent suggestion Lise - I have been looking at reading this book myself...
Holly
Hi Holly,
I too have been discerning homeschooling. I have been researching it for about a year and am starting in the fall with my two boys ( age 6 and 4 ). I have a husband whose parents have been educator's for over 30 years. My husband was resistant at first, but I bought him a copy of Steve Wood's newest book on fathering and he was the one who suggested it for the upcoming year(I had been really thinking about it for a while but had just attended a beautiful Catholic Family Weekend camping, praying and listening to speakers. I think the best witness to homeschooling are the families themselves, they just seem more aware of the beauty of the family, and really honour their parents and their siblings. The other thing I can't stress enough is time in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Just one tip, if and when you decide to homeschool get support right away, even before you start schooling. This is not an easy decision and can be downright unpopular to some, so join a homeschool network or support group so when you tell someone you are going to homeschool and they look at you like you've grown another head you have someone to talk to and mend your shaken confidence. Anyway prayers for you and your family. God Bless
JTTDGW ( Just trying to do God's Will) Kamala
p.s. ( Holly if you are Catholic and want a fabulous and beautiful Curriculum check out Catholic Heritage Curricula. So beautiful I was moved to tears when i received it.
I would also recommend "Catholic Homeschooling" by Dr. Mary Kay Clark, available from Seton Home Study. It is very thorough.
My husband was also against homeschooling my son when I began 4 years ago. I felt very strongly about it and felt that God was calling me to do this. My husband and I made an agreement that I would begin the journey and if he saw things he didn't like or feel comfortable with we'd discuss the possibility of sending my son back to school.
Some husbands need to be shown that their stereotypes don't apply-simply telling them is not enough.
Good luck and God bless!
Thank you for sharing this anonymous - sounds like an interesting interim bargain to help show - in a hands-on way - the benefits of homeschooling. I think this will help many women in this situation.
Holly
I also recommend the book "Catholic Homeschooling". My husband & I read that together and decided, in one day, that homeschooling was the way for us. We are just beginning year #2 tomorrow. We, too, have 5 with one more on the way! Just have 3 schooling, though. Pray that God will flood you with the grace to make the right decision! We had no doubts, and still don't, and I believe that that is coming directly from God.
Wow how God works! I am the one who posted the original question. I just wanted to thank Holly and all who responded, your information was very helpful. Just as Holly said, as I was able to learn more, I was able to better express my feelings to my husband. Through much prayer, we are going to be homeschooling our four school-aged children in two weeks. I've found the sources eveyrone here recommended so helpful, including past postings on homeschooling. Holly your willingness to share your scheduling and curriculum choices has been a tremendous help. Again thank you so much to all for their input and the prayers that must have been said on our behalf. I am very excited to now be a part of the homeschooling world. Lindy
Praise God Lindy! You kept the vision and God answered! :-) Please feel free to keep in touch - I am sure many MROL.com readers will continue to assist you as you learn the ropes
Blessings
Holly
My kids are all grown now, but if I had a child in school I would definetly homeschool. Look carefully at what they are teaching in the public schools, and even some Catholic schools; the support of the traditional family -father, mother, children is subtly being eroded in favor of the "inclusive family" 2 fathers or 2 mothers or whatever.
Another good result of homeschooled children is that they achieve well on standardized testing, many times ahead of the professionally schooled kids.
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