Help
With Your Rule
Determining Unique Child's Needs
Dear Holly,
I have homeschooled my 13 yr old son for the past 2 yrs. Last year we decided to bring our 10 yr old daughter home as well. We have found that homeschooling has been very beneficial for our son but are uncertain if it is the best option for our daughter. We saw our son grow in confidence and his drive to work hard, but our daughter seemed to have just the opposite experience. She began not to care about even doing school work, it seems that she works better having healthy competition. She began to have bouts of what appeared to be depression. She is much more social and really misses seeing her friends every day at school. We made a point of getting her together with her friends as often as possible and she does interact well with the homeschool kids but she still really misses the school environment. Because of how her demeanor changed so much for the negative I am concerned to continue homeschooling her. With the Bishop mandate virtues "sex-ed" programs beginning this fall in the schools I really feel that we should keep her protected at home as long as possible yet I do not want live life in fear either. How do we know where that fine line of being prudent and trusting in God lies? Is it true that some kids do better in a school setting than others and we should read each child seperately or is homeschooling in our world today the only safe and logical answer to raising them up as saints?
Labels: Homeschooling
posted by Holly at 1:36 AM
1 Comments:
I can tell from the question you have sent that you are truly thinking this through and are very concerned. You are asking good questions.
First off, I think that you DO need to make decisions which incorporate your children's individual wants, needs and temperament. So, yes, your daughter's experiences here need to be attended to.
At the same time, as parents we have to look at our whole-family needs and judge from there as well. We are human and have natural limitations and these all need to be considered. And there are larger issues to deal with.
For me, if this were my daughter, I would probably:
- keep her out for another year, as many children go thru a culture shock when they are removed from school. I have been a teacher advisor for other homeschooling families, and I have seen this process take up to two years. In other words, I wouldn't rush the decision, nor the expectation of fruit...yet...
- secondly, I would begin to talk to my daughter about her very strong attachment to her friends, to the point that the rest of her life becomes meaningless and she gives up trying in other areas. This truly is a form of depression, and it needs to be addressed, but the notion that 'my child misses her friends and I will compromise all other principles to make sure she has her friends' is really buying into the culture of teenagerism, or now "tweenism", I have mentioned before. In reality, I would suggest that your daughter's over-attachment to her friends and that social bond is unhealthily strong, and I would want her more in possession of herself before she returned to school, if that was in her future.
- thirdly, I think attention to diet is very important. Low moods in my family have been directly attributable to diet (specifically wheat and dairy) and when this was accounted for, all improved. In all types of problems, it always helps to rule out physical causes for these things first.
- fourthly , I would consider my child lonely, and begin to address why, when she is a memeber of my family, she remains lonely - especially since you provide access to friends.
I once read about research done in children bonding with other children in contrast to bonding with adults -- due to the absence of adult presence in their lives. Our institutionalized school system fosters this. Perhaps now, it is not the Math you need to examine but your personal and intimate relationship with your daughter - to provide that depth of intimacy which will affirm her and remove her over-dependance on the bond with peers.
- fifthly, I would talk with her - and teach her what life is about. I would show her how, when she gives up all else for friends, her life is unbalanced, and how she needs to be her own person.
I would recommend to you reading Born Only Once by Dr Conrad Baars to help you find and foster intimacy and affirmation with your daughter - it is truly helpful. I would also look at Montessori's Spontaneity in Education book as it begins to help discuss education in creative ways.
These are the things I would look at over the coming year. Tend to the fig tree - water it, fertilize it, prune it - and see what fruit it bears next year. Personally, I do not believe homeschooling is the only option for parents, and quite frankly, neither does the Catholic Church teach this. Parents have a right to delegate and be assisted in the education of their children.
BUT - the issues you are speaking about here do not concern her education per se, but her despondancy re peer attachment - and I don't think you can base your schooling decision on this. I think you need to get to the bottom of the issue itself and solve it. THEN, you can freely decide - school or home...
Post a Comment
<< Home