Help
With Your Rule
Spiritually Hot and Cold Husband
Dear Holly,
Life is finally starting to settle down after returning from the conference last week in Michigan. When I came home Saturday night after a five hour drive (during which I was so filled with the Holy Spirit!), it was to a really messy house! My husband obviously doesn't have a rule and had his hands full just feeding the kids and cleaning the kitchen, etc. So I'm back in the swing of things and so totally inspired by all I heard and learned. My husband, however, is on a completely different spiritual wavelength. I'm not sure where he "is at" right now, but I think the devil is fighting tooth and nail for his soul. I have been praying for his conversion. Even though he's a cradle Catholic, he's hot and cold in his faith. It also seems like, since I've really starting storming heaven for him, he's been more... unhappy? inconsistent? It's like I'm the mom and he's the kid rebelling against me, and God!?! He seems to have inner turmoil going on, and I could write a book about all the background on this situation, but I'll keep it short and just ask for you to pray for him. I've changed my prayer from asking for his conversion to asking for whatever graces he needs in his life right now, and I'm also praying for the graces I need in order to help him. And I refuse to lose hope!!
Labels: 3rd P Partner
posted by Holly at 11:05 AM
1 Comments:
First of all, I like how you have changed your prayer to a selfless one - for his needs and intentions - that is 'good'. It implies a deep love of your man, not looking for selfish gain. Keep that up, and keep up your hope. I especially think of the rosary promises - "You shall receive all that you ask for through the recitation of the rosary."
Secondly, I talked with many women at the last conference and thru email and many women are experiencing the exact same complaint - I too have had similar experiences at times.
As mothers and wives trying to be faithful, we need to understand that we live in a time of great spiritual turmoil and battle. That your husband's situation intensifies when you pray does not surprise me in the least - it only shows the extent of the battle. It is when things all seem 'perfect' that one has to wonder if things are truly OK. As one priest I know said, "If you aren't perturbing someone, you probably aren't being a Christian!" Now, that doesn't mean we are to upset our husbands on purpose! But it does mean that faithfulness is under attack now, and we are going to feel it.
I was struck by one of the Sunday readings this past week which said "From now on therefore, we regard no one from a human point of view." We need to view life with the eyes of faith, and so too this situation.
The devil seeks to get at us one way or another, when we try to be faithful. And if he can't do it thru us - or he can't have our housework or schooling or kids overwhelm us - he will try thru our marriages - anything to distract us from trust in God and fulfilling our apostolate to our families - anything to make us focus on our problems and get our minds off God! Anything to make us abandon our daily duty, our love for God and purity of intent, and anything to diminish our apostolic zeal!
I think it is our job to TRUST the Lord to work His wonders, and for us to keep going with purity of intention in fulfilling God's Will as it manifests itself to us in the present moment... instead of dwelling on the possible negatives... There have been points in my marriage where I was pretty sure it was falling apart! Many times, it is a spiritual backlash from doing something for God. But it clears. I have realized the devil likes to torment me just to get me thinking negatively, and get my focus off of moment-by-moment fidelity to Christ thru my vocation!
On the cross, Jesus muttered "Forgive them Father, they know not what they do." So too - I don't believe our husbands are out to get us, per se, but are facing their own serious challenges in a secular environment. Being pummeled daily by faithlessness, atheism and materialism, it is no wonder they struggle. It is no wonder they go hot and cold... just like the waves they ride on.
I think the biggest thing we can do is to accept this cry of Jesus on the cross as our own. "Forgive him , Father, he knows not what he does." Husbands don't fully realize how they can hurt wives. But I think we need to rise above - to be mature Christians - to love and forgive like Christ. Oh, I know how my heart rebels against this at times. "Why should I be the one to pray and offer for him?" Ahhh... God stretches our hearts in selflessness through all this too.
Just keep on being in the Holy Spirit! Offer your prayers and sufferings for your husband's protection and growth, instead of offering your counsel or direction to him. Leave that to his director or priest or counsellor or God - then he won't rebel against you.
Instead, continue to storm heaven with your prayers. Pray the St Michael protection prayer over your family daily. Do a rosary novena of nine days (or more) for his needs and intentions... And go about fulfilling your rule out of love for God - trusting in Christ's presence in the boat even when the waves are churning.
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