Help
With Your Rule
Discerning Schooling Options
Dear Holly,
I will be entering my 4th year of homeschooling with my 3 children this coming school year & we love it! My oldest (12) should be chronologically entering 7th grade, but has done all of the work for that level ( as well as some for 8th grade, too) & I do think should be advanced at least to the 8th grade. (She also tested very well on her standardized tests; scoring post high school in all subjects except one where she scored 10th grade level.) Is there harm in advancing them?
Let me say that she is not only intelligent, but kind, honest, a hard worker & really wants to advance as well. I, of course, want what is best for her & know how fleeting childhood is. On the other hand, she is constantly looking at her future & talks of college, scholarships & the like. There is also the concern of Confirmation. I would obviously have to speak to our local parish, but would really want her to wait & do it the year after this, even though she would then be a Freshman (with the advancement.)
Of course, then there is the entire high school scene which isn't far off. My husband isn't too keen on high school homeschooling & I have prayed about it & feel the Lord wants this for our family - for many reasons including our family being strong together & that our 2 youngest have extensive medical isssues as well as that is where the Lord appears to be leading.
At this point, we design our own curriculum & this works well as we can work harder on certain things & advance the children in areas they excel at. I do realize that with high school, we would probably have to sign up with a program so as to make sure all is taken care of for colleges to accept the children. Any advice?
Labels: Homeschooling
posted by Holly at 11:43 AM
13 Comments:
The very first thing which struck me about your post was that your husband has stated a concern about homeschooling in high school and you have instead determined that God is leading your family elsewhere. There speaks here a tremendously dangerous lack of unity and a dismissal of your husband's views.
God leads us through a number a ways -
through our circumstances, our spiritual director's advice, through our prayer and heart-felt convictions, through what appears reasonable, but most importantly in marriage - MOST importantly - by the considered opinions of our husbands. In all honesty, I would be concerned about making any decisions without truly attending to my husband's insights. In fact, if my husband disagreed with me on such a large issue, I would not follow my own path - but either wait to decide until we reached consensus, or follow his lead.
That being said, I think in honesty, if I were you, I would be looking at preparing my child to enter highschool, and placing her on a standardized curriculum at least for her last year. Otherwise grade levels mean nothing unless you are standardized.
So I would recommend some placement testing in Math and English 'just in case' my husband (and myself eventually) decide highschool out is better than highschool in.
In addition, there is much more to education than intellectual performance. I would be looking at all areas of formation for my children - from their physical health and fitness, to emotional growth thru exposure to the arts, music, pets and nature, to will formation such as regular prayer time, Mass and Confession use, saint stories, choosing to do chores well etc etc etc etc.... One of my talks at the upcoming Michigan conference discusses this.
You mention childhood is fleeting - with my oldest daughter now about to enter highschool, I have come to realize the sigificance of that statement. Our children ARE children, and I wouldn't rush anything. Find a curriculum of you AND your husband's choice 'together' and then limit your school time to 3 hours a day, and then let her be a child and enjoy her life with her family - all too soon she will be gone.
I appreciate your respnding to my question so quickly. Let me say that I don't dismiss what is said by my husband; but he would be the 1st to say that he really doesn't want or like to help make these kinds of decisions. He was raised by his mother making all of these decisions, & even though that isn't correct, his Dad didn't want to make decisions concerning the family because he felt it was up to his wife to care for the children & direct them. (My in-laws are extremely wonderful people whom I love dearly, but that is the way it was then & it is still the way they do things.) So, consequently, my husband thinks these decisions are really no concern to him & feels forced into discussing these things if I try to talk about it with him. He has also stated that he feels it's too soon to think about high school, but, he really doesn't understand all that is needed to be thought through for this; whether it is homeschooling or regular school. My husband is a great person who loves us all, but believes (as he was raised) that it is up to me to decide these things. Believe me, I ask him to discuss these matters (& others) with me & it is just not what he himself says is up to him. I realize this seems shocking, but he wasn't raised with much focus on the husband/dad being the spiritual leader of the family or taking charge of the children's different situations.
Also, when you mention "standardized curriculum"; do you mean Seton, or something of that nature? She has tested for placment & is testing actually higher that skipping just one grade. She also volunteers teaching children who can't read, sings in the church choir (& cantors), regularly attends prayer group, is joining our youth group in the Fall, is in 4-H, takes gymnastics, babysits, makes toys for abandoned animals, takes piano & much more. She has also dealt with many difficult situations with having 2 sick siblings that have taught her quite a bit of compassion. We are trying to make her a well-rounded person. Most recently, I had a procedure done that laid me up for a bit & she jumped in with chores & housework so well that I was quite pleased. Also, when she was in "regular school", she was never encouraged to work above the class she was with & instead asked to help the teacher with the other children. She loved helping, but the children would be very cruel to her because of it.
Thank you for taking the time to read this & God bless.
When we had our first baby, I found Philip could be so busy in the evening that he wouldn't spend any time with the baby. The priest who had originally told me about the 5 Ps had said to me then - "You must call your husband to his fatherhood. After supper, plunk the baby down on your husband's lap and say "Daddy, here is your daughter!"
That is what I thought of regarding your husband's desire to avoid input. These are weighty matters - he is called to cooperate on this - it is a responsibility of his vocation - and I say - "Call him to assume his responsibilities."
However, that doesn't mean he will be in the nitty gritty of every decision, for sure! Just the big ones - even generally - suffice. And it gives you, the homeschooling mom, a sounding board -which you 'need' to help you discern God's intent.
As for your daughter - it sounds like you have a lovely lady on your hands, and that you are providing a well-rounded life experience for her. I guess, when all is considered from both your posts, I would prayerfully meet with daughter and hubby together - present the case - and all three of you decide together.
The fruit of the decision will then be a guide - if she can handle the grade level (or two) above her age without stress - wonderful - you have just met with the advantages of homeschooling! If not, tone it down as she still is a kid. It's the fruit which will be your confirmation as to your decisions...
Sounds like you are doing a great job! I particularly like her compassion toward her weaker siblings. Praise God!
I LOVE the idea of us all meeting prayerfully together...I've done that with just Alyssa & myself & of course, I've asked Steve to do it with us, but to no avail. I then pray to God to have Him guide me as to how is the best way to show Steve we NEED him for all of this. (I've also asked Steve to pray about these & other things too.) I also take these things to our Blessed Mother, as she is a wonderful Mother to us all & helps us & understands our "motherhood turmoil". I can't thank you enough for your input & wish you & your family many blessings. I look forward to hearing you in Lansing!
Mary is the real answer of course - I couldn't do anything without her! Stop and say hello after one of my talks! Blessings
H
Alyssa is thrilled at the thought of meeting you! She herself is an aspiring author & writes me some beautiful stories, her written word is a gift I will always treasure. God bless! Have a safe trip to Michigan!
Just wanted to comment that I have a 16 1/2 yr old daughter that was exactly where your daughter was 4 yrs ago.
We had her do Seton's 8th grade at 12 not quite 13. Then started highschool figuring that if we needed to we could take it in 5 yrs. She's done fine although the work is challenging and is completing her junior year. She just received her SAT test scores and did extremely well.
I would suggest you look over the various programs whether it's Seton, Mother of Divine Grace, Kolbe, etc. You have to balance which program fits your need for support style etc. There is sometimes never a perfect fit but go for the best for your family and child and budget. I've known graduates of Kolbe and Seton and they have no problem with colleges. I'm sure that's true with most programs or you can still do it yourself and the test scores mean a lot or have her take a few community college courses as a junior or senior which helps show she is capable.
Also if you decide to homeschool highschool don't worry you can do it. There are so many resources to help you.
My Apologies!
Ladies, and especially the lady who wrote to me on this question - I fear my initial response was kind of 'harsh'. My bluntness is a problem, and I believe I owe this lady an apology for jumping on her about listening to her husband. I wish tone of voice and facial expression could be communicated through an email, and then it wouldn't be so easy to misinterpret what someone is saying.
Anyway , please forgive me for being harsh in anyway, and I will try to be more understanding and gentle in my future responses!
We will be starting to homeschool high school this fall. We have designed our own curriculum, but if we can't find the materials for all of it we may end up substituting some published courses. The thing about a DIY curriculum is that you have to keep really good track of what the student does, so that later on you are able to justify awarding so-and-so-many credits.
Some helpful resources:
CHC's High School of Your Dreams
Cafi Cohen's books
Senior High: A Home Designed Form-U-La by Barbara Shelton
Holly, Don't second guess what the Holy Spirit has you say! Perhaps your initial response was not really for the recipient you believed it to be. :-) Perhaps it was exactly what this reader- I - needed to hear this morning. My husband is very likely to be offered a position at a public school in our area(and accept it.) Which means he'd be leaving our parish school. Thus we have to decide the future path of our children's education. My heart was set on homeschooling and I thought I had his support.
He shared with me yesterday that he believes the Lord is calling our whole family to be a light in the public schools. My heart is very heavy and no argument I have made has moved him in the least. I was just reading up on the 3rd P today and praying for the graces we need to make this decision.
Had you ignored your initial feelings and give the initial "poster" a warm fuzzy response, I might have missed the message I needed to hear.
Please pray for us.
I will pray for you - these decisions are never easy, are they? Pray for God's Will to be done - and consider the decision made once you both have come to 'peace'. Attention to the 3rd P in marriage is not blind obedience, but attentive dialogue and true seeking God's intent. When both hearts are at peace, you have your direction.
Prayers coming your way...
Holly
Wow! I can't believe how much time has passed since I posted my previous comment. What the Holy Spirit did in our situation still amazes me and I MUST share with you how grateful I am for your prayers. I believe thw words are stirring into a more elaborated reflection, but here's the quick version. Prayer Day One- Emotions ran high. We were united in our decision my husband could take the new position until his expression that our kids would attend public school. My emotions ran quite deep- it would mean the scattering of our family- each child & Daddy on a different campus. I could not live with that. Prayer Day Two- Emotions set aside, we thought through all the details. We took a look at the logic& logistics of it all. Prayer Day Three- Surrender to His Holy Will. In my night of prayer I surrended to what my husband deemed best and accepted whatever work and crosses must be carried to help our family through it. He, on the other hand, felt the Lord saying "No, you have not completed the work I began in you where you are now." He did a total 180 from where he was headed and remained at our parish school. The Lord has truly honored our decision as this has been one of the best school years yet for all of us. I do believe he is called to be there for his sake, the school's sake, and mostly for our children's sake. Thank you for your prayers which truly were felt to our core! amy
Wonderful news. Thank you so much for sharing the results with us! God is a God to be trusted, and we can act according to his principles (in this case, in unity with your husband) despite what appears to be more reasonable (re Catholic education), and in the end, God turns all fidelity to the best. Wonderful.
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