Help
With Your Rule
Bedtime Routines
Dear Holly,
I am looking for examples of successful bedtime routine change with little children. Quite honestly, both myself and my husband are very bad at this, and all I can say is that it is obvious that we need to change before my daughter starts pre-school in the Fall! We do the "bring the kids up when we go to bed" routine, but it doesn't start until we go to bed, and that's obviously too late for the little ones-and we're so tired at that point, we could do so much better....The TV is the main problem. We throw it on after dinner to wind down and the darn thing stays on until we decide to go up to bed. I'm considering taking the kids upstairs myself at a certain time (whether Dad is ready to or not), away from the TV, and doing the quiet before bed play, etc., and then starting the routine upstairs. I think this will work out if I persevere, as my husband is a great father and will generally see what is good for the kids and follow in helping out without me saying much. I guess my question is not really, "do we need
to change?" and not "what should we do?", but how to persevere when you're so tired in the evening?
Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 9:06 PM
11 Comments:
I think the first thing to do is to think of the children and what they need first here.
I have always given my small children an 11-12 hour bedroom time - if they were to arise at 7 am, then they were in bed no later than 8 pm. Routine was short - after supper was a short free time, then bath by Daddy, then in turn followed family prayer - followed by hugs, kisses and into bed.
I never insisted my children go right to sleep however. The issue was that they were to remain in their rooms now. I put many books beside the children's bed, a safe bedside lamp, a sippy cup of water, and (only) if the child was a restless type, I would put up a gate and permit toys. They could go to sleep when they were tired, or when I stopped in at a later time. But that way, we all knew bedtime was a certain time, and now it was both time to rest, and Mummy and Daddy's private time.
I believe a scheduled bedtime would reduce your evening fatigue, as well as provide the necessary rest time your growing children need. When school starts, your children need to be able to count on Mummy insuring they have adequate rest - their physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health depends upon it. Sleep deprivation is not imaginary.
So - I guess for you, it might all boil down to exactly when you put on the TV. I would suggest it really is a parent-self-discipline issue. Wait until the little ones are in bed before you launch into shut-down mode. An 8:00 TV time will provide motivation for you to finish your evening responsibilities. And your little ones ought not to be watching adult evening tv anyway. Sometimes the 6:00 news is the worst!
Holly said it! The children must have enough sleep (and so must we parents)!
Our kids are 7, 5, 4, 3, almost 2, and 3 months old. When each one was born, we would keep him or her with us while we watched TV or read in the evening, because whoever was the baby was nursing and needed to be close to Mommy. As they were weaned (usually around 1 year old) they would join the older kids at bed time.
My DH gets home in time to eat, so we have baths, pajamas, toy cleanup and setting the table before he arrives. After dinner, each of the older children has an evening chore (vaccuming the crumbs under the baby's high chair, straightening the children's bookshelf, straightening the shoe rack in the mud room, and getting the toothbrushes ready). One of us will brush the littles' teeth while the older ones do their own. Then we get together in the living room and say a decade of the rosary or a novena with the kids (each one chooses what he or she wants to pray for). Then we have story time (the kids take a turn each night choosing stories). And then everyone but whoever is still nursing goes to bed. Generally they are in bed by 8:00PM. They don't have to go to sleep right away, but they do have to be quiet. That gives the adults 1 1/2 hours to read, talk, watch part of a movie, etc. before I get the baby ready for bed, do some spiritual reading on my own, my examen, and anything else I need to do before getting into bed (I have been trying to get to bed by 9:30 so I can get up earlier than the kids, but it is hard, because there is always "one more thing" I have to do before bed. Generally I can make it by 10:30).
Oh! I wanted to stress (and forgot) that the TV (or any other activity the adults are going ot do) is not turned on until the kids are in bed. They have our full attention until their day is done.
Thanks so much. I gave the no tv a try last night....it felt so peaceful to have the time with the kids without the background noise..it was a very beautiful experience. It didn't necessarily go as smoothly as I would have liked, but we did get a decade of the rosary (well, they hung out while I said it:)) together and I know we made progress in some important ways. I am so grateful for all the support. I can only imagine this will work out quite well if we stick to our guns. Here's to perseverence! (if I could only spell it;))..
God Bless!
Good for you !!! :-)
Try to set an atmosphere during that family prayer tonight - light a candle - set up a statue & flowers - get some faith & rosary picture books for looking at during the rosary.
Practice this for 30 days and you have your evening prayer routine! Then move on to the next thing!
Keep up your good work!
Holly
A word to the TV...what has helped us put off our adult TV watching was getting a DVR. We watch our news shows and any other entertainment when we are ready and with the ability to fast forward through the commercials and anything else we want to avoid. It reduces the time spent in front of the TV and gives us the control. We also tape things like the rosary from EWTN and watch that to help focus the kids (4, 2, 3months) while we pray a decade.
I wholeheartedly agree with the ideas that children need plenty of rest and that a predictable bedtime routine helps them prepare to go to sleep.
In our family we had a problem with Dad wanting to play with the children for a while before starting the bedtime routine. He wanted to spend time with them after working all day.
It took some convincing but he finally adopted my point of view that a leisurely bedtime routine, with plenty of time to complete the tasks together offered a satisfying opportunity for quality time. What convinced him was the fact that when we played until 7:30, then tried to get the children (5,3, and 2 years old) in bed by 8, everyone was rushed and pressured. We had crying, resistance, disciplinary issues, etc.
Now we generally only have a brief play time after dinner, but Dad is 100% engaged with the children during bedtime preparations. It's a relaxed and positive time for all of us. And I always have the feeling that peace has descended upon our home again when we close all the bedroom doors at 8:00.
This is all so helpful...my basic decision is to keep plugging along despite some nights that don't go well (bedtime took hours last night!-but the kids are sick)...but, like you've said, Holly, I've got to give my small portion and the Lord will then have it to bless-knowing this will work in faith, as long as I keep working, has really reframed this in my mind compared to previous attempts in the past. And all of this support is so meaningful. Thank you sooooo much and God bless! This is our first hurdle, and I think a key one-so I'll jump it first (along with lots of prayer!, of course) and then move on.
God Bless,
Josie
We just recently started an actual routine that is working great! Our children are: Daniel 10, Ben 7, Elise 5, Teddy & Isaac 2.5 and Sophia 5 months. Starting with Ben's birth seven years ago, I would nurse each baby to sleep and would sleep with them. This started a dependency chain of each kid needing mommy to go to sleep. It wasn't so bad when we only had two kids, but like my husband is fond of saying, "This doesn't scale!" Right when we welcomed our newest blessing in February, this was our nighttime routine: no routine at all after dinner. Then, at some point, we'd do family prayer, then I would take up the five kids. I would have to lay in bed with the twins because they could not go to sleep without me. Me sleeping with them caused the older three to all want to sleep in the twins' room. So, the two oldest boys would sleep on the floor in their sleeping bags, and me (either pregnant or with the new baby), Teddy, Isaac, Elise and the dog (and sometimes the cat!) would all be in two twin beds that we pushed together. Most nights, I'd fall asleep putting them to sleep, and my husband and I would have ZERO time together.
I really became frustrated at this. My husband would always talk about missing me. We would never get time alone in the evenings. I had had enough!!! I realized that I was waiting to figure out a routine that was dependent on times (such as, at 7:30 we'll do family prayer...). It finally hit me that we could still have a routine without having set times to do each thing. So, on July 3rd, I went out and purchased two toddler beds for my almost three year olds. They even helped Daddy build them! Then, on INDEPENDENCE DAY (not a coincidence!) we began our new routine which became: we do family prayer, then Daddy takes the twins up for teeth brushing, new diaper, jammies, bedtime story and then sleep! Now, my hubby still has to be in the room with them (he lays on the hard floor while they are each in their own bed), but we are moving slowly, teaching them how to go to sleep without mommy and then without daddy. Once the twins go up to bed, I spend a little bit of time alone with the three big kids, which they love! (The baby gets put to sleep at some point-- she's too little now to actually schedule her.
My opinion!) Since July 4th, there's only been one night that I haven't had alone time with my husband!!! It is wonderful!
So, my advice is this: take things slowly but don't give up! And, stop the evening tv watching for the kids at all cost! (We don't watch any tv, and I highly recommend it!!!) :-) It is stealing valuable family time and probably is revving up their little brains anyway!!!
Good luck to you!
JENNIFER (mom to 6)
White Oak, PA
About 3 1/2 weeks ago, we decided to everything in our realm besides watch TV. We then were waiting to see how soon the kids would ask to watch a movie or TV. It has not happened yet! It becomes more on your part to keep at their pace but is rewarding in the end. THere are so many things kids can do and be imaginative without the TV. One thing we use in dire need are books on tape or CD. I got a bunch of old ones from friends or at tag sales or at the library. best wishes.
Oh, I forgot to mention that I am a mom to 4 children, 5, 4, 2, and 1 and expecting another in 4 months. Its tough work but well worth it. My kids go to sleep by 8pm ish and are not aloud out of their rooms till 6:45am. Couple time is precious and necessary!!! Don't let your marriage slide.
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