Help
With Your Rule
How Not to Put "Mummy" on Hold...
Dear Holly,
I am the adoptive mother of 2 beautiful little girls. But as you may know, adoption does not occur without a heavy financial price. Subsequently, I still have to work outside the home in a full time job. We are well on our way to getting our finances in place to allow me to stay home and homeschool our daughters (and any future children God places in our lives through adoption). I am jotting notes toward my own rule and keeping track of things so that I know what our individual "requirements" will be. I have discussed the 5 P's with my husband, and he finds the concept challenging - mostly because they are not the priorities that he has used in his life. He seems to be buying into the whole thought process. I will tell you, though, that I do find the entire prospect very daunting. As a mother who has limited time at home, I find that something has to give, and usually that is my sleep time, which then is reflected in how I interact with my family. Do you have any suggestions regarding how to work things around and still be able to take care of myself?
Labels: 2nd P Person
posted by Holly at 2:04 PM
4 Comments:
First off, I am happy you have decided to adopt children - that is such a needed apostolate in today's society. And thank you for your generous sacrifice in putting forward the necessary financial resources to do it. You are a witness to us all in this 'children-are-too-expensive' culture we live in.
I truly think that given your weighty obligations, the key point for you is simplicity. Simplicity of possessions so you don't spend all your time
cleaning the house - pack stuff up and put it away - clear off your shelves and tables and make dusting and cleanign simple.
Simplicity of activities - so that you put all your present activities, inside and outside of the home, thru the "Do I REALLY Need to Do This" test, and eliminating everything which does not deal , for the time being, with your present vocation. Scrutinize your tv viewing habits, spare time activities, and even the obligations which press upon you - are they ALL necessary, or merely habitual traditions you can live without?
And also, lastly, a simplicity of goals - we have lots of things we would LIKE to do, many things we OUGHT to do, and other things it would be NICE to do. Perhaps, for the time being, you can simply focus on the essential tasks which you cannot get away without doing - basic chores, child time, basic prayer time etc... And when life calms down a bit, you can look at adding more to your life.
Secondly, I do not look at your sleep or nutrition or health as unnecessary. So - if you reduce the unnecessary in other areas, you will have time to sleep. I would consider, for the time being, TV programs unnecessary, for example, or fiction reading, or general hobbies - until I could get my other responsibilities taken care of.
In addition, I would be having serious "Honey we gotta talk..." talks with my husband - and seeing how the tasks can be split up more evenly until you can get home and have time to take on more of the home care.
MROL readers- any other suggestions?
To the woman who has adopted the 2 little girls: I'd love to just say Hi to you & talk a little about our common experiences. I too, have adopted 2 little girls and homeschool. I live in a very rural area & am the ONLY Catholic homeschooler within an hour & a half distance that I know of, much less knowing of families formed through adoption who are Catholic & homeschool. If you would like to talk a little (no time for more than a little!), please contact me at teresapaulus4@zippytech.com
God bless!
Sounds like some good suggestions, Holly.
I personally struggle (for different reasons) with the many expectations which are placed on parents these days and which perhaps we have on ourselves. In particular, the idea that our children have to have not only every possible possession, but also every possible experience.
Sure, none of us want to neglect our kids or their education etc, but when I was a kid, we tended to do a lot less stuff outside of school than kids seem to do today.
If they have the most basic toys etc (perhaps drawing materials, a few good books, playdough) and a fairly happy Mum and Dad and a relationship with God of course, that's probably all they need? Maybe? (I'm no expert though).
Just one last thought: is there a better "experience" than growing up in a loving, faith-filled family?
Louise
JPII said once that the greatest gift we can give to our children , aside from a holy and happy marriage, is the gift of siblings. I think we need to seriously look at this and live it.
I too believe firmly that children now are way way way too busy - there is no time for family life when sports, music lessons, and a host of other activities crowd the evenings and weekends, and school runs all day long. When exactly does parental relationship with their kids actually occur? Where is the time for it to grow?
If a happy marriage and siblings are the greatest gifts to children, then yes, this over-stimulated and over-active childhood is deterimental - we are teaching our children how to do everything else BESIDES live with others and spend time, available and accepting, with the family.
I totally believe it is more advantageous to our children's development to learn how to live simply, with less possessions and less activity - because in this, they learn how to 'be' and learn how to value existence - instead of learning how to 'have' and how to 'do'. Perhaps our culture's tremendous disrespect for life flows from people trained in having much, doing much, but who can't sit down in the evening and rest, who can't spend time with others peacefully and 'waste time' with them, without being restless-
If people can't learn to just 'be', there is no hope for love, for this is the realm of love. Distraction from being leads to loss of love.
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