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With Your Rule
Can a Rule be Spiritually Counter-Productive?
Dear Holly,
Thank you for your book. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. My question is: Can a 'rule' ever be spiritually counterproductive? I have a deep yearning to establish a rule and greater order in my home. My son is four and daughter is 18 months. They are busy and I always feel like my whole day consists of flying by the seat of my pants, putting out fires. While others think I am very orderly (the house usually looks reasonably good) the truth is that there are many things that I KNOW ARE BEING IGNORED. I feel like a set order would help me have a home that serves God and family better AND helps me to be in a more positive frame of mind. My conundrum is that twice I have gone for spiritual direction (two different directors). Both times I got the impression from them that they felt too much 'order' or 'control' might be spiritually counterproductive. One asked me if I leaned towards a lot of order. I agreed that I do much better with order and planning. But I don't think I'm a compulsive. I've got dust on my furniture (including some bunnies), closets that are a mess, a refrigerator that needs cleaning ... all the usual stuff. My prayer time is totally 'up in the air' and there are many tasks in terms of upkeep that I never get too. Ditto room
for personal time. But now I am anxious that by working towards a rule I might be devising my plan instead of God's plan. I would be grateful for any thoughts you could share.
Labels: 1st P Prayer, About a Rule of Life
posted by Holly at 7:55 AM
1 Comments:
First off, thank you for writing and you have asked an excellent question.
Initially, a rule of life , in itself, would not usually be considered spiritually counterproductive - IN THAT - a rule is a conscious adoption of one's vocation and the priorities it entails, done in a spirit of loving fiat to God who asks us to fulfill our responsibilities.
But secondarily, I think there ARE possibilitities of living a rule in a spiritually counterproductive way. And once again, we see it is not the rule, but HOW one lives it which counts.
The Pharisees in the OT certainly lived the law, but they lived it unhealthily - they focused on the details but ignored the heart of the law, which was love. They grew proud of their efforts to obey the external structure of the law, and missed the interior rot in their souls.
I imagine a rule could be lived like this too.
But also, I think it all boils down to intent (as most things do!) Am I truly trying to live my rule as a response to God's request? Or am I secretly just really glad I get to pay attention to my home in perfectionism? Am I interested in serving the family in love, and use a rule to ensure this? Or am I following a rule for selfish motives? I think that we need to discern this very carefully - and then act as best as we can .
I know for a fact, when I began my rule I wasn't doing it mostly for God - I was doing it for ME! I was sick of disorder and I wanted change. It was only later that I understood how to give it all to God, for God, with God. So - I think initial motives of doing it to bring order are OK, but those motives need eventually to be transformed.
Now, in addition, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with establishing a basic rule covering the 5 Ps. You do indeed need to set aside a basic morning and evening time for prayer. You do indeed need your sleep and to eat right. You need some space as well. Your husband needs your time and attention. Your children need you and your love and your educational efforts in their lives. And LASTLY, your home needs to be put in order SO THAT you can spend your time with your family and God.
I have seen some women revel in a mother's rule because they get to make schedules and schedules are sort of like a hobby for them - they dream about order but when it comes to live it, they get discouraged and just try another schedule.
I have seen others, like myself, start a rule because they want their home clean. And while this is a human good, the spiritual merit of a rule isn't tapped into until much later when God becomes the raison d'etre.
So, I guess I would say, yes, you have the right and duty to pull together a basic rule re the 5 Ps. But I would also say that, for you personally, those priests may have seen something in you, re compulsiveness or whatever, that you need to look at. I would advise choosing ONE of those priests and seeing if he can help direct you through the process of a mother's rule. I took my rule to my spriitual director for his approval so that I wouldn't be doing anything unreasonable.
I guess it is kind of like penance - even the saints, in their great love of God, would often overdo their penances - and the greatest sign of our fidelity to God is to obey those he places in authority over us. The saints would be told to tone down their penances because it was not God's will, and they obeyed - following God's will not their own. I guess I think that a rule can only be deterimental if, in the long run, the reason we do it never seems to be God.
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