Help
With Your Rule
Career, Miscarriage and NFP
Dear Holly,
My husband and I are all for Natural Family Planning. When we got married my husband wanted children straight away, but I felt called to finish my degree. So we went with this. However in May 2005 I fell pregnant and soon after miscarried. My husband was upset, and I felt a bit relieved (I hate to admit this because I love children and love the idea of being a mum). Only a few months later I fell pregnant again and then went on to have another miscarriage. This time I was really upset. But I thought that it was God telling me that I am not ready to be a mum and have to wait. It has been 4 months since then and there could be a chance that I am pregnant and I am really confused as to how I should be feeling. Each time that I fell pregnant I knew that I would (Because of NFP, I knew my cycle etc) but I was caught up in the moment. If I feel called to finish my degree but fall pregnant is that going against God's will? Is he making me miscarry because he doesn't want me to have children yet? Am I not being open to having children? Do I not understand the true spirit of NFP??
I hope you can shed some light on the situation.
Labels: Miscellaneous
posted by Holly at 12:48 PM
3 Comments:
Personally, I do not believe that all of this is God telling you to get your degree first before becoming a mom. And I'll tell you why:
When we have a physical problem, the first place to look is to the physical realm. In fact, when we have a spiritual problem, a priest will often counsel attendance to physical health to ensure that the body doesn't put obstacles in the way of the health of the soul.
If anything, I think the only message here, first and foremost, is for you to look to your health habits and to make sure there are not obstacles to a healthy pregnancy. Reviewing your eating habits, your exercise and sleep, etc just to make sure these are fine. Also then, you could also opt for a hormonal test to see if your levels are fine, and if there is anything you can do naturally, thru diet and nutrition to maximize these.
Also, you could rid yourself of any bad physical habits like smoking, should they exist. And you could book in with a doctor for a general overall physical.
As for God - he has permitted this, but at the same time, you know objectively that it is your married CALL to have and raise children. To have it any other way would be the exception to the norm.
I don't know if you have read Mother's Rule of Life yet or not, but there are 5 basic responsibilities/ priorities in your life as a married woman - your relationship with God, then your personal health (phsyical and psychological) , then your relationship with your husband, and then your children, and THEN, your provider role as homemaker and any other outside employments.
Despite your feeling called to finish your degree, I personally believe your other Ps have precedence over your degree. Yes, God may have a degree in mind for you, but your vocation comes first. As a Mom, sometimes God's other plans take a long long time! :-) It took me 7-8 years from the time I first felt called to write a book of some sort, until I was actually writing it with my editor.
I firmly reject the notion that to get pregnant at any time is to go against God's Will - unless, as the church teaches, there are serious grave reasons for you to postpone a pregnancy - such as it would cause your death and you have other children still to care for. Your very CALL is to be open to life and generous in bringing life into the world. This so far surpasses your 'degree' that there is no competition.
God is not making you miscarry, Your body is miscarrying. See your doctor.
As for being open to having children - I think it is important for us all to realize we have been infected to a certain degree by our culture whether we are aware of it or not - exactly like smog penetrates the lungs although the air looks clean. How can one not pick up some of the anti-baby vibes floating around out there? When I first got married, I was SHOCKED at my own heart attitudes toward children, and realized the extent of my brainwashing. So while your relief about not being pregnant is perhaps normal given our culture, I would still wonder myself then about my general openess to life - or better, about whether this is how I truly WANT to live my life as a wife and mother.
I don't think it is our emotional reactions which are most important here - but our actions. Am I in fact being open to life or not? Am I using NFP as a form of Catholic 'birth control' by adopting a contraceptive mentality or am I not? And you know what? I truly can't discern this for you. Nor can anyone else. That is soley a question you and your God and your priest can answer.
I hope this helps in some way. Perhaps even booking in to talk to your parish priest would be a good idea - to have someone to talk to close to home, who can get to know your particular circumstances and who can meet you face to face.
I second Holly's comments. I will add: I was not finished with my degree when we began our family sixteen years ago. We are now expecting our seventh child. I do not regret the lack of that degree IN THE SLIGHTEST. I am nearly forty and at, or at least approaching, the end of my child bearing years, and I only wish I had more kids! I have never heard any mom regret having too many kids; I have only heard them regret not having had more.
Homeschooling is intellectually fulfilling, especially as the children grow older and can have discussions. In addition, there are other opportunities for intellectual fulfillment, such as church Bible study. We can pray to find friends and for intellectual stimulation-- I have done so and have had such prayers answered.
You and your husband are the only ones who can discern nfp issues. I am not trying to tell you what to do: when to have children and how many. God did not give me the grace to maske such decisions for others. I am only giving my experience to give you one perspective from the other side of the child bearing years.
Hello,
I am sorry I have not read this email, but maybe you will want to have your doctor check your progesterone level. We have been blessed with 6 children (1 of them I miscarried) but I have had to have progesterone shots to avoid bleeding.
Maybe check with Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha so they can recomend a good NFP doctor in you area.
God bless
God bless
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