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Help With Your Mother's Rule
Help With Your Mother's Rule is a forum for women who want trouble-shooting
help with their Mother's Rules or about any aspect of the 5 Ps of
the married vocation.
Ask
Holly: This blog is composed of your questions.Contact me at the address listed on Holly's Notebook page
and I will post questions and answers. Please share your unique ideas as well. The more ideas and experience we share,
the more successful every mother will be in designing her own unique
Mother's Rule.
Holly Pierlot
A Mother's Rule of Life Companion
Establishing Your Practical Rule - Printable Workbook
Where I Can Purchase the Mother's Rule Workbook
"How to Pray" for a Cradle Catholic
Dear Holly,
As I started my prayer times when I began my rule, all of a sudden I felt like I wasn't sure how to pray. I am a cradle Catholic and sometimes doubt what I know.
For example this is what I do in my morning prayer time: I have a Catholic Women's Devotional Bible where I read the days devotional. It gives me a scripture reading and a verse from the reading that is the verse of the day. Then I can also read the church daily readings for the day. I also have a book called "Catholic Mom 24/7 Daily Meditations for Busy Moms" by Tammy Bundy. Here she gives you a short bible verse and a short daily prayerful reflection relating to motherhood.
As I read these I go to my desk with computer off and my 2 yr old watching TV/eating breakfast. My 2 yr old has distracted me at times and on the first day it was awful. I honestly felt like God was saying don't do this now -- tend to her. Here I was trying to pray and yet I was also fighting off a 2 yr old to leave me alone??? I was very confused.
But back to the prayer. What do I do after I read? Is reading the scripture prayer? I felt lost like I wasn't done but wasn't sure what to do next. When you say a rosary , the rosary is the prayer. But when I do the reading and devotionals I feel like I left something out. But I like doing them. When I least expect it they hit home and relate to my life. What exactly is prayer for a busy mom? On page 47 of your book you talk of what a "basic Christian prayer life would entail" for you. I understand all that you wrote after but I guess my questions is what is formal prayer? I guess up until now all my prayers have been your basic Lord's Prayer, Hail Mary, thanking God, asking for help etc. But now I am actually sitting down to pray and am not sure "if I'm doing it right"?Labels: 1st P Prayer
posted by Holly at 6:28 PM
1 comments
Negativity re Rule
Dear Holly,
I am involved in a mom's bible study and your book is what we are doing. I am really enjoying it and think it is wonderful to have a "support group". We have just started and are doing Chapter 3 right now 1st P - prayer. I have answered the questions at the end of the Chapter and started my prayer times. I will say this: when I answered some of the questions, as I look back at my answers, I see some negativity in my answers. Like setting up a prayer spot. My answer was no. There is nowhere I can go in my house that would not be a distraction, and then I find it hard to create a place because I have a 2yr. old who gets into everything. I know attitude is everything but will the negative answers change as I get into my rule?Labels: 2nd P Person, About a Rule of Life
posted by Holly at 6:20 PM
2 comments
Re The Second P - Obsession Issues
Dear Holly,
Thanks for writing your book. I haven't even finished it and have been recommending it to everyone! I have read up to the part of your book where you talk about 'obsession'. In your book you quote the priest saying that "emotional turmoil is a clear sign." You also list the three ways of having 'obsession'. Are there other ways to have 'obsession' or is my emotional turmoil more an everyday mother turmoil? How can I tell the difference. Does the promiscuity part have to do with pre-marital intercourse? Does everyone need to have a deliverance prayer said over them? What if I can not find a priest to do that? Thank you for your time.Labels: 2nd P Person
posted by Holly at 8:03 PM
1 comments
Husband Wishes Wife Would Do a "Mother's Rule"
Dear Holly,
I am a father of four children , ages 8 to 1. Our life has always been very disorderly - much of what we do as a family is very spontaneous. When I read your book last year, my eyes were filled with tears thanking God. I have taken extensive notes on your book and have even written up a set of "Dad's Rules" based on your book in regards to how I should love and care for my children. My wife posted it above the kitchen sink as a reminder. I truly want to jump into all of your suggestions.
The problem is that my wife continually refuses to read the book. She does not want to be tied down with a schedule. However, the stress has caught up with her this week in a way that rivals your turning point. She expresses her desperation to me, but she still can't bring herself to read the book or let me tell her the specifics of it. I took today off work to help, but all we were able to do was make a list of things that need to be done and make a draft family schedule to try-out. Unfortunately, she could not even look at the schedule. She feels that it is too intimidating, and told me that it would not work. She has asked me many times before to hire either a nanny or a housekeeper, but we simply cannot afford one.
I have always cooked all three meals, but with school I must attend now, she has to cook two dinners a week now. She dislikes cooking very much. She has always had an aversion to planning or reminiscence. She loves simplicity and believes that structure would force complexity into her life. I have not been able to convince her that structure would allow for more simplicity (i.e. religious life). Perhaps she needs to hear it from someone other than myself.Labels: 3rd P Partner
posted by Holly at 7:46 PM
3 comments
Night Shift and Sleep
Dear Holly,
I am a single working outside-the-home mom on midnite shift. My daughter goes to Catholic school & my son just turned 3..I need to sleep during the day & don't want to put him in daycare but am looking to perhaps put him in pre-school....any ideas on how to find time to sleep? My folks keep my children at nite, which is great & next Aug, my son will attend the same school as my daughter, but am having trouble just now w/my lack of sleep...any suggestions? Thanks in advance, I love your book!Labels: 5th P Provider
posted by Holly at 4:03 PM
3 comments
Needs a Basic Orientation to Life
Dear Holly,
My husband and I are parents of three beautiful boys (7,5,3) and would love to have another child. I am having, and have had for a long time, that longing for another child. He does, too. Our problem is that we are caught between the realities of having another child in a very dangerous, spiritually bankrupt and expensive world (we live in Washington, DC) and just going with our feelings and trying to have another. I am 38, so there are no guarantees. We have high expectations of providing for our children both in money and time and don't want to "get greedy" in wanting what we want (another child -not material stuff) rather than providing for the three blessings that we already have.
My question: How do you know if the Lord is telling you to do the best with what you have or to continue to have children? Maybe the Lord is telling me that three is all I can handle. Sometimes I feel that way.Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 3:52 PM
12 comments
Prepping for Christmas
Dear Holly,
Christmas is quickly approaching and I have begun thinking about gifts for my children. I wanted to ask your opinion on Santa Claus. I have been struggling with the whole lie since my three and a half year old was born. I am familiar with Saint Nicholas and I even have a great book to read to my children about him. Some how it is so difficult to get away from the secular Santa
Claus, the reindeer, Santa coming down the chimney in the middle of the night, etc. My husband wants the children to enjoy that part of Christmas as do I. But lets face it...Santa Claus is such a distraction for the children. They are so excited about toys that they probably don't think of baby Jesus first. And it does't help when family, friends, and even strangers say things like,
"Santa is coming soon", or "What do you want from Santa this Christmas?" I would love to hear from you and others if anyone feels as I do. Do you have any suggestions for someone who would LOVE to break the secular Santa tradition?Labels: Miscellaneous
posted by Holly at 3:45 PM
22 comments
What Do I Do?
Dear Holly,
I don't even know where to start! I have been homeschooling for 10 years and I have 8 children ranging in age from 19 years to 2 year old twins. I have had and am still struggling with character issues with three of my younger children (they don't mind, etc.). We are not into any set routines and I KNOW that is a huge part of the problem. By the end of the day I am so tired that all I want to do is crawl into bed, but then morning comes all too soon and I'm on that merry go round again. I am not even eating properly or taking care of myself anymore. I am wondering if I should stop schooling for awhile and try to get things up to speed at home first or if I should try to get things up to speed while still schooling. Maybe I should just do the three R's and work on the rest later (although chances are I won't get around to it later). I would go over the letters on your website to find some answers, but just don't have the time. Any help you can give would be appreciated.Labels: About a Rule of Life, Homeschooling
posted by Holly at 5:57 AM
6 comments
When the Rules Don't Apply...
Dear Holly,
I have a 3 year old autistic son, and it has been overwhelming, to all of us, and our 6 year old is handling it as well as can be expected, but she doesn't totally understand. I guess my question is, how do rules apply to children that seem to not fit into the rules category . . . my son doesn't sleep through the night, even now I am risking being tired because he will be up soon and I just have to get some things done! He monopolizes my time when I am home all day, which is why I am a stay at home mom, but even walking out of the room creates havoc in his world . . . . I am frustrated to say the least, and then feel guilty when I want to do something for me (like the shower I am going to take after answering your email ) . . . . and then my 6 year old isn't understanding the amount of time we have to devote to her special needs brother . . . . maybe sending up a prayer for me is all I am really looking for (sigh) . . .Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 11:13 PM
6 comments
What is Prayer With the Will vs the Emotions?
Dear Holly,
I am trying to understand the role of the Will in prayer. It's been coming up a few times since July ..in things that I've read and tapes that I've listened to..but because of lack of experience and consistency in prayer I don't fully understand it. It was mentioned in the book "Holiness for Housewives." The author was making a differentiation between praying with the imagination or images, with the emotions and with the will. I find that my prayer life is mostly emotional and filled with images. From what I understand, from the little I heard and read, the will seems to be the core of the human person.Labels: 1st P Prayer
posted by Holly at 10:25 AM
3 comments
Struggling With Scrupulosity
Dear Holly,
Have you ever struggled with scrupulosity, or have any tips for someone who does? I never have, but recently read something from Sr. Faustina about a nun being in hell for breaking silence, and have been struggling ever since. (Hopelessness about attaining heaven for myself and my children). I think this is also coinciding with low thyroid and some postpartum stuff, but is still very difficult. Any thoughts?Labels: 2nd P Person
posted by Holly at 7:58 AM
4 comments
Where do I Start?
Dear Holly,
My main problem is that my house is very disorganized, and I'm finding it hard to know where to begin to get organized. I know that once the house is organized it will be fairly easy to keep it that way, it's just a matter of finding the time to do a major overhaul to get it that way. My husband works long hours and is also attending graduate school part time, so I can't rely on him for too much help with housework.Labels: 5th P Provider
posted by Holly at 6:24 PM
7 comments
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