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Clamouring for Mummy's Attention

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Struggling with Finding Prayer Time

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Help With Your Mother's Rule

Help With Your Mother's Rule is a forum for women who want trouble-shooting help with their Mother's Rules or about any aspect of the 5 Ps of the married vocation.
Ask Holly: This blog is composed of your questions.Contact me at the address listed on Holly's Notebook page and I will post questions and answers. Please share your unique ideas as well. The more ideas and experience we share, the more successful every mother will be in designing her own unique Mother's Rule.
Holly Pierlot

A Mother's Rule of Life Companion

Establishing Your Practical Rule - Printable Workbook

Where I Can Purchase the Mother's Rule Workbook

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Struggling With Babies at Mass

Dear Holly,
I'm having a real conflict right now about the attendance of Mass and little children. I always believed that it was important, and set a good precedent, to have a family attend Mass together. Right now we have a little 10 month old who is seriously questioning that for me. When I bring him with me, my level of participation is so low as I'm constantly trying to entertain him and/or keep him quiet (the Church where we're attending right now doesn't have a cry room). Another factor is that he is such a distraction to other people around us, as they end up looking at 'the cute baby' and saying hi to him instead of concentrating on the Mass. In this situation, would you recommend switching off with your husband and going to Mass at separate times while the other stays home with the baby, or do you think it's better to try and make it work somehow?
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 9:46 AM 15 comments

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Room For Kids' Sports?

Dear Holly,
One thing where I could save money and time, would be to reduce the kids' activities (my sons play ice hockey and soccer, and daughter plays ringette). They cost a lot, and take a lot of time too. Actually that was another question I wanted to ask from you... Your view on these kind of activities. Do you think they are basically a waste of time and effort? Especially my 10-year old son is quite talented and loves his sports activities. I don't think I would ever have the heart to say to him that he has to stop, unless he loses interest at some point. At the moment I've at least managed to reduce the time needed from me/my husband to drive them to the ice rink by taking turns with some other parents.
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 11:34 AM 1 comments

Scheduling Homeschool Time

Dear Holly,
Thank you for your amazing book. I can't believe how much I related to your story. I too did not think a schedule was a good thing and have fought it for so long! I started a rough draft of my Mothers Rule and started on Monday. Things went quite well and I have a lot of peace...compared to the chaos I had been experiencing! My two older boys and I made it to Mass all week at 7:00 AM, truly incredible!
I am curious to know if you have a schedule specifically for Homeschooling time....I can't figure out how to make sure both the older boys are staying on track while keeping my three year old busy! Also how do you schedule checking work, at night or during the day, on the weekend? I feel like if I can figure this out I will have even more peace of mind!
Labels: Homeschooling

posted by Holly at 10:52 AM 6 comments

Monday, September 26, 2005

Dealing With Many Issues at Once

Hi Holly,
I've just finished reading your book and am battling the discouragement and sloth you talk about near the end of the book. My solution so far has been to attack it with prayer, but I am really running in to a lot of roadblocks even finding time to pray. As I write this note, for instance, my 4 1/2 year old is sitting on my chair/lap rattling on in my ear ("What's taking so long?", "Maria's crying!", etc.) and the 5 month old is crying in the other room. and the 2 1/2 year old is head butting me and grabbing my arm about a video she wants to watch... I know you struggled with these same issues, which was so refreshing to read. I especially related to the comment you made about "dishes with last night's dinner caked on them in the sink along with the breakfast ones..." And also the depression and past issues to be delivered from... but that's another letter to you altogether.

But my real challenge is the morning -- for the past few months, these kids will not give me one moment to myself unless I carve it out and completely ignore them (usually they end up in front of the TV, eyes glazed over), which leads to guilt-ridden, constantly-interrupted prayer. I have tried to get up earlier than them, like a half-hour earlier or so, but at least one (including the 7 1/2 year old) will wake up along with me. I could go on and on with the details, but I just can't seem to get beyond this hopeless point. I've tried to get my husband to help, but he is just as overwhelmed with this morning wake-up problem. I tend to let him get the alone-time first thing and deal with the kids myself, because it's his time to read the Bible and that's really the only personal prayer time he takes for himself each day. I saw the post about dealing with sleep problems, so I'm going to pursue reading those books and websites.

Any suggestions about which prayers I might use to get this MROL going for me (I feel like I'm not asking God for the right thing because of all these impediments)? I know your book came in to my life as part of God's plan for me and my vocation, and I don't want this opportunity to go by the wayside!
Labels: About a Rule of Life, Miscellaneous

posted by Holly at 2:18 PM 1 comments

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

"Beginner" in Prayer at Home

Dear Holly,
I'm in the very beginner stage with the Catholic faith, so I think I need an extra effort with the first P. My husband is a cradle Catholic (from Africa, I assume the traditions aren't quite the same there), but hasn't been practising his faith very actively, at least not during all the time that I've known him. I know he prays a lot by himself, but has never considered important to go to the Mass or to confession or to teach the kids or me anything. And I have been even less active, being a non-practising Lutheran. My interest, which has grown larger and larger during the last few years, has made us much more active church-goers etc. But at the moment we really don't have any family prayer time or anything like that. As for the childrens' education: The two eldest children do religious studies at school once a week (they switched from a Lutheran group to a Catholic one this autumn), and their new school books have been an interesting read for me too, with some ideas for parents on what to do at home. But I know that really isn't enough, not for anybody in our family. Any suggestions on how to get started?
Labels: 1st P Prayer

posted by Holly at 2:47 PM 6 comments

Division of Labor with Mother's Rule

Dear Holly,
I am presently working on my Mother's Rule. I am a working Mom and my husband works in shifts. Now, I've made two kinds of schedules, one for his working days and another one for his days off. I kind of 'assigned' most of the housework to him on his days off (i.e. I didn't write those things down on my schedule, but assumed he would look after them, as he usually has up to now). Do you think this is bad? On these days I sometimes need to work very late to catch up the hours I've missed because of kids' doctors' appointments etc. Especially then, and to be honest on 'normal' days as well, nothing would work if I tried to do it all by myself. There was some discussion about this on the web site, and I felt the general opinion was for a rather traditional division of duties. But if my husband is better at cooking and cleaning (and enjoys them more) than at doing house repairs etc. (my duties at the moment), I guess that shouldn't be a problem?
Labels: 5th P Provider

posted by Holly at 2:34 PM 1 comments

A Rule for Working Mothers

Dear Holly,
First of all, thank you for your wonderful book, and the web site. First I thought the book was going to be one of those very depressing reads that describe the perfectly-organised, perfectly-happy life of a home-schooling family. But when you got on to the five Ps and the problems you had had when developing your rule, I really got interested.

I'd like to ask if you know of any working mothers who have successfully adopted a MROL? I would be very grateful if you have some ideas on getting it to work, or have heard something from your readers. It is very difficult to put the provider role in the 5th position when you're workin eight hours a day and commuting one. And after work, there's all the housework to do. Sometimes I really feel totally overwhelmed. At the moment it really isn't an option for me to stay at home. My husband works too, but I'm earning twice as much as him and if I quit my job we'd be living on state benefits, which I believe wouldn't be right either. There are nice arrangements here in Finland for staying at home with children under the age of three, but our kids are 10, 8 and 5. Our fourth child was stillborn in October last year.
Labels: 5th P Provider

posted by Holly at 2:14 PM 1 comments

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

A Mother's Rule with an Irregular Schedule???

Dear Holly,
I have 3 boys, ages, almost 4, 2 1/2 and 8 mos. My problem is, my husband, who is a commercial pilot, is gone about 16 days a month, and home the rest. It is very hard to develop a rule becuz I'm on full-time when he's gone, and then when he comes home--things get in disarray--it's like another vegetable to the salad. He tries to stay on our schedule--and the kids are thrilled to have Dad home--but everything gets out of whack--I tend to lax a bit--and then have to psyche myself up for when he has to leave again.

We've looked into getting some part-time help for me while he is gone--but since his schedule changes every month, I can't find or keep anyone who can be that flexible--for example, I can't say I need someone MWF becuz he might be home those days--etc. I have found someone to assist with housecleaning every other Saturday--and then I have the alternating Saturday for my other heavy chores. I'm fortunate that financially, we are comfortable--but without extended family to help nearby in a pinch--and a husband who is gone--I am exhausted just keeping up with the day to day running of the house and feeding and caring for my children. Going to Mass and Confession is very difficult with 3 small children by myself. Any suggestions?
Labels: About a Rule of Life

posted by Holly at 2:19 PM 2 comments

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

A Mother's Rule and Children's Homework

Dear Holly,
Thank you for your book! What a gift! My husband and I have been blessed with 6 children. (13,12,10,8,4&3). Our 4 older ones go to our parish school. I desire to home school. God has not yet opened those doors for our family. God placed your book on my heart months ago. This past four weeks I have been working on putting together our family rule. My family has been receptive.
My question is what are your thoughts on home work time. Two of my children have "learning differences". They have A.D.D. and are dyslexic. Great kids, but school is hard for them. After school time is crazy. Sometimes there are 2 hours of homework. I work on having older ones help younger ones. Because of impulse control issues, I use our kitchen area for the school work. We limit outside activities. School work is best done before dinner. I am trying to have 6:30-8:00 family/rosary time. The kids are home at 3:00. This time of the day is so stressful. The teachers are good, but their hands are tied because of the size of the classes (18-20 kids).
I need some help to bring peace to after school time with my family and create a learning environment. I will add that as a mom, I struggle with the idea of my children needing some down time after school and the amount of work they are expected to do after school hours. My hands are tied in regards to home schooling. I must remain positive. Any wisdom that you or other schooled moms may have to share?
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 5:27 PM 1 comments

New Baby, New House, New Routines

Dear Holly,
I have enjoyed your book so much. It has given me a lot to reflect upon and practical things to apply to my own family life. I have three wonderful girls under three years old (33 months, 16 months and 3 weeks). We just moved into a new house two months ago. A lot of transition in a short period of time! As we approach fall, I want to get back to a more structured routine with my children. I have three questions pertaining to this.
1) How do I motivate my nearly 3-year-old to try new things (i.e., tracing lines, various crafts, learning different preschool skills)? She doesn't seem to want to learn, which I know cannot be true. I feel like I'm not a good teacher to her, and I get frustrated when she doesn't respond to something I try to teach her.
2) At the same time, she has lost interest in independent play. She used to play so well on her own (at about the age of my 2nd daughter who plays very nicely alone), but now she appears bored all the time. I can't play with her, do activities with her or take her places all the time, because I have two other little ones plus household tasks to accomplish. But at the same time, I feel responsible for her being bored. What should I do?
3) Finally, I want to incorporate regular chores into the girls' day. Up until now, chores have been sporadic rather than routine. How should I begin incorporating them? What can I expect from my 3-year old and 16-month-old? How do I motivate them? Sometimes it seems like a struggle to get them to even pick up their toys!
Labels: 4th P Parent, Homeschooling

posted by Holly at 4:52 PM 2 comments

Friday, September 02, 2005

A Child's Prayer Practices

Dear Holly,
Thanks so much for writing this book! The "person" chapter on dealing with depression was very helpful - sometimes for a Christian, it's tempting to think that praying more is the answer to all spiritual/emotional darkness.

You mention having a prayer page for each child. How old should they be first? I have a 6, 4, and 9 month old, and I'm not sure even the 6-year-old is ready for her own prayer practices beyond our family morning and evening prayer.
Labels: 4th P Parent

posted by Holly at 2:46 PM 2 comments

Frugality & Simplicity

Dear Holly,
I want to thank you for sharing the tremendous gift of A Mother's Rule of Life with us. Thank God! I need a rule!

Do you have any suggestions on how I can be more frugal? We are a one income family and we need to save money anyway we can. Could you recommend a book or a website with some insight?
Labels: 5th P Provider

posted by Holly at 2:25 PM 9 comments

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