Help
With Your Rule
Mother Requests Input from Other Moms
Dear Holly,
I am a former elementary school teacher with 3 pre-school age children at home. We're not homeschooling yet because they are too young but that is our plan for the future. I think I need to create order and "flow" in our day NOW so it will be easier to homeschool as our family grows. My ideal would be to create a schedule that has time for reading aloud, playing with Mom, playing without Mom, clean-up times and prayer times. I would also like to make a list of the activities we have in the house for the kids to pick from during certain play times (much like in a Kindergarten class where the children know that it is dress-up time, kitchen time, etc). I find that when it is time for Mom to make dinner and for the kids to play freely, they wander from room to room, pulling out all the toys and games, making a mess and not really playing with anything.
I would love to hear if anyone else has made a schedule like this. I'm trying to balance keeping a clean house (which is very important to me), spending plenty of quality time with the kids and still having my own time to work on projects, read, etc.
Labels: 4th P Parent, About a Rule of Life
posted by Holly at 6:48 PM
7 Comments:
I think you are on the right track! And I think with preschoolers, it is very important for mummy and children to establish times when Mummy is directly available, and when Mummy is not. I remember even back when Anna was 3, introducing her to the concept of Mummy's "coffee break" - a 15 minute interval in which she had to let Mummy sit and have a coffee and mellow out, and where she was free to go play with toys or read a book.
I have also tried the list of activities thing. I think it is a good idea for you to have posted, so you are not scrambling as to what ideas to suggest. You might want to categorize them into "Independant / Semi-Supervised / Full Supervision" activities. See aslo "Holly's Notebook" page for "Little One Activities"
And I also think that, if your supper routine is not encouraging real play, but a mess, you might want to look at highchair/table time with playdough or coloring or the like right beside you, or toddler/preschool computer program time/ or save your tv video for this time, or or or... Finding activities which will keep them occupied, outside of helping you, is necessary - yes.
If anyone has concrete help with this one, I know I'd really appreciate it. I've been desperately trying to put together my rule, but I just can't. I have a 4yr old, 2 1/2 year old and 9 month old, and they all want my attention at the same time. The house is in a constant state of chaos and whenever I do get it all together, it all falls apart. I feel like I am always in the kitchen, trying to clean it up!I'll have a couple of days when I'm doing all right, just picking up after us, then the house is turned upside down. The two older ones refuse to nap (and I've tried everything to get them to sleep) and quiet time doesn't do any good, because they disintegrate by 5pm. I can't keep myself to follow any sort of schedule, and when I manage to, I can't get the kids on it. I'm truly at my wits end. I'm yelling all the time, and all I want to do is spend my days being with and teaching and reading to and loving my children, but I just can't do it. Is anyone else just as desperate as I am?
Hi Anonymous
My heart goes out to you in your desperation, yet at the same time, I believe you need to talk with someone close to you there. I think a solid talk with your husband - the person closest to you - is necessary. What does he see happening? What can he suggest? How can he help you?
And I would also suggest a trip to your priest for some counsel. Are there spiritual obstacles to consistency? Can he pray over you?
And, do you have a close friend in the area whom you could enlist her help to brainstorm options?
And lastly - why don't you watch yourself for 3 days and write down what you ARE doing every day. I'll bet there are many things which are consistent. You could start from where you are at.
And of course,pray.
As I mentioned in MROL, we need to look for the natural things we do every day and start from there, AND we need to go slowly - one step at a time. Start with your meal routines. Or start with breakfast! Practice it for a week or two. Then add morning prayer. Do this for a week or two. Then, get your laundry routine worked out. Then practice this for two weeks.
Give yourself a whole year to work this out - say, December 15 2006, you will have a basic rule in place covering your main essentials.
Also, lastly, I would hop onto flylady.com Apparently she is very helpful in doing things in little steps and might have something for your particular needs. Feel free to email me confidentially as well
Blessings
Holly
Hi Anonymous--what I did with my youngest was to institute a quiet time, which meant that he had to lie still and quiet for 30 minutes. It took several days and a couple of hours each day and a lot of screaming (on his part)... but he finally got it.
What I did was I told him it was time (this was after I had explained it to him). Lots of horrible reaction, and a few reminders from me that I wouldn't set the times until he was still and quiet. Finally he would be still and quiet and I would set the timer. A fewminutes later, he'd be up again, and we would repeat, starting with the whole 30 minutes. This was repeated quite a few times for quite a few days!
I started him off in the living room on the couch so I could keep an eye on him and catch him as soon as he wasn't lying still and quiet. You would have to arrange a place where you could keep an eye on 2, if you wanted to start the 2 older ones at the same time,or you could start with practice sessions that are very very short and work their ways up (that might actually work better.)
You have to stick with it! That is the main thing, and every so often, they will retreat to someprevious point and you will feel like you are starting over again.
BTW, my son is now 5, and he bargained me down to a 29-minute rest as he is getting bigger. If hef ights with me about it, I just have to threaten to make it 30 again as he is very proud that it is now "only" 29 minutes!
Thank you, Holly and Anonymous, for your help! As I look back on Advent,I think it was something God let me endure so that I could change my perspective on things. The night I wrote it was certainly one of the worst in a long time. One of the biggest things that has changed is that I've stopped yelling. I had been really tough on my oldest, and I've realized that I really need to cut him some slack! (I'm not "not" diciplining, I'm just not overbearing.) I've also cut myself some slack, too, knowing that I have the type of personality that has difficulty sticking things out and seeing them through to the end. Like you said, Holly, take it little by little. I'm also taking another piece of your advice, which was that you really can't start a rule with a disorganized house. I've been on Flylady, and I'm making my way around the house, organizing one room at a time. Just doing the coat closet yesterday made me feel like I could do anything! I've reinstated the mandatory naptime/quiet time in the house. Yesterday went well, today, eh. Regardless, I'm plowing through. If we can all have good sleep schedules, the rest will be easier than with a household of groggies! As for my husband, I do talk with him about this, but he's the type who needs very specific instructions as to how I need help. It gets frustrating, because I feel like that's just one more thing I have to do now, but I do need to pull him in a bit more. I did mention to him last night that it would go a lot faster if the two of us cleaned out the office together-- maybe I can talk him into working on it with me for an hour tonight!
Anonymous,
I feel your pain! I too tried different things to 'get it together' but everything always seems to peter out. I realized with Holly's helpful book that my vision scope was too big. For example, if you send your preschooler into the playroom to clean up at the end of the day they will be overwhelmed and not able to even get going. If you take a hula hoop, place it on the ground around a big mess and tell your child to clean up everything in the hula hoop it narrows their focus so they don't get overwhelmed. I have to apply this to my own life. Holly's book helped me to focus on one thing at a time. I wanted to jump ahead in the book and dive in but I made myself go one step at a time. This time I am so much more successful! Hang in there and keep it up!
Megan -
I just started to put my rule together 1 P at a time. I finally got my Prayer started, and I had a real epiphany that you just reinforced. I needed to put a hoola hoop around my prayer life and find small things that I can do to incorporate prayer. Now reading this other thread and your response to getting a child to clean up - DUH!!!! It is amazing how totally clueless I can be at times. Thanks for putting so many things into perspective and reminding me that I need to establish my hoola hoop area in many areas, including helping my children.
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