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With Your Rule
Prepping for Christmas
Dear Holly,
Christmas is quickly approaching and I have begun thinking about gifts for my children. I wanted to ask your opinion on Santa Claus. I have been struggling with the whole lie since my three and a half year old was born. I am familiar with Saint Nicholas and I even have a great book to read to my children about him. Some how it is so difficult to get away from the secular Santa
Claus, the reindeer, Santa coming down the chimney in the middle of the night, etc. My husband wants the children to enjoy that part of Christmas as do I. But lets face it...Santa Claus is such a distraction for the children. They are so excited about toys that they probably don't think of baby Jesus first. And it does't help when family, friends, and even strangers say things like,
"Santa is coming soon", or "What do you want from Santa this Christmas?" I would love to hear from you and others if anyone feels as I do. Do you have any suggestions for someone who would LOVE to break the secular Santa tradition?
Labels: Miscellaneous
posted by Holly at 3:45 PM
22 Comments:
Immediate Response: Just stop telling them it's true!
I have never told my children 'about' Santa Claus -altho my mother has and they have seen some tv and of course, his picture everywhere. I have never decorated with anything referring to Santa. Our Christmas tree is full of Christian symbols. Our immediate family never sends gifts from Santa, altho the grandparents do. We do however, watch "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and "Rudolph". I find the Grinch an interesting tale of conversion.
But since I never teach Santa as true, nor ever present Christmas that way, the kids know it is pretend. On the rare occassion when someone asks "Is Santa Claus true?" I say, "Oh, you mean Saint Nicholas? Santa Claus just means St Nicholas in another language... Oh yes! St Nicholas is true!" And I proceed to mention about his life, and how he is now in heaven and how I am sure that he spreads his special charism of giving around the world at Christmas time in honor of the birth of Christ... after all, look at how people love to give gifts at Christmas, and I am sure St Nicholas has his hand in inspiring that... That's how I handle it.
For me, teaching them Santa is 'real' caused problems - wouldn't it backfire? Would that mean Jesus possibly wasn't real too? Or Mary? or Pentecost???
Some people I know moan that my kids are missing out - but hey, these are the adults that don't know how to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas anyway. I don't see the need to teach a lie, because that's what it is. I marvel when people don't see this. And in reality, having never known anything but the
real purpose and meaning of Christmas, my children don't miss the whole Santa cult at all. In fact, they are a bit disgusted by it...
I suggest - be true to your conscience - focus your celebrations, decorating and reading to Christ's birth- and find a way to back out of Santa in your explanations. I just can't see how Santa honors Christ.
We have followed a very similar path to Holly's in not playing along with the whole Santa cult. In fact, our kids, of their own volition, consider it a little stupid and even creepy. However, I am amazed at how little coaching they have needed in being charitable to others in this regard. They will play along with Santa "believers," playmates and patronizing adults alike, so as not to destroy their illusions. However, if badgered about whether they "believe in Santa," our kids will be forthright but polite.
Kids have an innate integrity and sense of what's true. As we drove through Santa Claus IN last summer, noticing the cutesy holiday themed street and business names, our 15 yo daughter (who does not always see eye to eye with us anymore!) spontaneously burst out, "Imagine what a drag it would be to live here all year, with all these stupid names and decorations. And it's not even religious, it's all PAGAN Christmas!" This, the girl who had just objected to visiting a "boring" monastery the day before.
Our kids love the Advent and Christmas seasons and have not suffered in the least by being deprived of Santa.
As a woman and mother whose heart is totally converted to Jesus Christ, I must admit that I still do not have a problem with a little Santa Claus and a little Easter Bunny here and there. I have to incorporate them because my dear other half would insist, but still, I'm not sure I wouldn't anyway.
Santa Claus is certainly derived from St. Nicholas and there is always a teaching moment there-many things can be redirected towards Christ, especially a Saint! Yes, the devil most certainly had his way with Santa Claus and the like distracting these beautiful feast days towards materialism, etc. But we must live in this world (some of us more than others) and we must remember that Christ has won the victory and certainly can overcome these cultural influences if He is taught as the focus of every day in our homes. We celebrate the birth of Christ on Christmas with cake and candles, we sing happy birthday and have a statue of the baby Jesus on our dining room table. Yet I still put out cookies on Christmas Eve and have a few santas on my tree and stockings hung by the chimney with care.
In my personal life, I must incorporate these things. I am careful to teach my children what the true meaning of the day is and I do have standard responses when we end up talking about Santa Claus-"and whose birthday is Santa celebrating?", I say, and my 3 year old says, "Baby Jesus", and I believe she does understand that because I do my best to focus our lives around Jesus.
Please remember that we are not all in the perfect Christian home, and that the Lord placed us in this time and this culture for a reason. So while I do not allow things associated with evil and the devil in my home period, nor would I pretend that was harmless, Santa Claus is certainly first a story about St. Nicholas and the Easter Bunny is certainly a nice thought for a kid to connect with on that great day.
Although I see that there is a materialistic cult that revolves around Santa in our current culture-remember to give Christ the victory and from my perspective, I believe that a little incorporation of the culture, if possible, can do a lot more good than harm. It does in my home, at least. I don't then have to cringe every time someone brings up Santa Claus, and the like. It is important that we are gentle with things that are near others' hearts today-it is important that we are not quick to judge and turn off, even if we have the best of reasons, we may be interfering with Christ's work in our homes and with those around us. In my home, not allowing santa would disrupt the peace more than lead us to Christ at this point. I do far better doing both and putting the emphasis on Christ. It does not have to be a distraction if it is not allowed to be so. We will live in that perfect Christian world one day soon, I believe. I believe we are headed there, but for now, we must work with Jesus to bring others to Him, so let us be careful not to turn people off, especially our closest loved ones! If you can not mention him, great! If you have to, don't be too stressed about it. The Lord will guide us in all our concerns.
God Bless,
Josie
I guess I still have the basic concern that I not tell falsehoods to my children. I see no need to tell a child 'for awhile' something which isn't true, and then turn around and back-track. I truly don't see this as a good thing. I don't know of any other area in life where this occurs. I have to wonder, what would the Blessed Mother do?
When my sister's husband was a boy, there was one Christmas where his mother could not afford anything. His father had walked out on his wife and five kids and times were just really tough. Yet Christmas morning, there were presents under the tree. The neighbors and members of the church had pitched in to make sure that his family had a "Christmas." When my sister's son realized that Santa was not some fairy creature, but his parents, she told him that story and said that Santa does exists as the spirit of giving...of course, that's the true spirit of Saint Nicholas.
I think we can take or leave Santa and the message that is conveyed is the one we as a family want to convey. As for my family, we let the kids think that Santa brings the goodies in the stockings, but all the presents under the tree are from "Mom" or "Dad" or "Grandma". And every year we buy presents for "the poor kids" whose parents don't have enough money to put those things there. We also talk about St. Nicholas as being the origin of Santa Claus (which means St. Nick in Dutch) and that it was his generosity that inspired others to give gifts on his feast day (we do candy and cookies in stockings on Dec 6th, too).
During Advent we prepare for Christmas by doing a Jesse Tree, an Advent wreath and holding off on carols and trimming the tree until Christmas Eve. And Christmas Eve is all about the birth - with no gifts exchanged. Christmas morning is mass first before presents (yes, this can be done, even with little kids - we let them go into the stockings).
I think you have to do what is right for your family and always base it through prayer. Holly, I truly believe that the Blessed Mother supports my sacrifice here for the sake of family peace. I must be obedient to my husband here. I have tried to force issues in the past similar to these and it has only been an avenue for argument. I have been converted amongst those who are not, so while I agree that the greatest choice for Christ would be to nix Santa altogether, I think one has to be mindful of what battles we can fight and when we can fight them. I hope there is support for that amongst Christian women that we can't all do everything we wish we could when we want to do it.
So, I do not feel a sting that I'm lying to my children or that I belong to a santa cult. I'm doing the best I can with what the Lord has blessed me with at this moment and I am quite at peace with that. Sometimes pushing an issue will be fruitful, sometimes it will not. In my opinion, that's the issue here, not to be stressed to deal with something that is not ready to be dealt with-like telling someone they must pray the rosary-if they don't feel it in their heart, they're not going to understand.
If you can do without santa, that is heavenly, if you cannot, we keep praying until we can. Mass, the sacraments, etc.-these things are non-negotiable, but santa?-a battle fought differently in my house...I do consult the Blessed Mother in every detail of my life, and for now I believe I am following Her advice:)-maybe I'm wrong, I hope not.
Sorry to go under anonymous and then sign, I can't seem to execute computer operations very well these days, so this is the only way I can post.
God bless,
Josie
Hey Josie
I certainly don't think it's an issue the Lord is going to take up with you, for sure. We all have to follow the lights we've been given, and not sweat the small stuff. Keep fighting the good fight - and yes, pick your battles! Wise words. :-) My opinion was not meant to sting! Just share.
Blessings
Holly
Found what looks like some good books on the topic. Go to Amazon.com and type in "The True Story of Santa Claus" - there seems to be a number of books out there willing to tie Santa in with St Nicholas and Christ!
Oh Holly, I am sorry to be so sensitive. Thank you for being so kind and for this information. I'm going to ask for more humility for Christmas:).
God Bless,
Josie
Hey J - you're not too sensitive. Peace! :-) One more book I read to my kids - "Santa and the Christ Child" - where Santa kneels and worships the baby Jesus
We have downplayed Santa although not done away with him entirely.
On the eve of St Nicholas day the children put their shoes outside their doors - they each receive gold coins (gold foil chocolates) and an ornament for the tree from St. Nicholas.
Then on Christmas they get stuff in their stocking - a new toothbrush, some edible treats and a small gift from Santa (under $10).
Then from mom/dad they get three presents - just like Jesus got from the wisemen... even their gifts are not overboard (at least not compared to other folks we know of similar income). We spend no more than $100 per child.
I just read some more comments about Christmas.
We too always go to Mass BEFORE opening gifts (although they may dump their stocking).... and many a priest (we are military and move often) has asked what they got for Christmas. My children always give a puzzled look as if to say "how would we know? we haven't opened the gifts yet"
We open gifts after Mass too - and usually go to the 10:30 Mass! :-) What I really liked about one of the above posts is the notion of receiving 3 gifts like Jesus did from the wise men. I love when we can tie everything in so closely to the Christmas story.
One of the Anonymous's above mentioned a Jesse Tree. I have heard about them before (probably also learned about it in school years back...) but I wondered if you could tell me more about what you do with a Jesse Tree and what it is.
Thanks!
Another Holly
Hi. I hope people check back, but I'm the one who posted about the Jesse Tree. First off, I have to mention a series of books called "Celebrating the Faith in the Home" by Teresa Zepeda and Laurie Navar Gill. These books changed my life. There is one on Advent and Christmas, one on Lent and one on Easter. There are extremely thorough explanations of Catholic tradtions for these holy seasons. I learned more about a Jesse Tree in their book than in any of the books I found perusing Catholic book stores.
That said, a Jesse Tree is a way to teach your children (or anyone else) about the many people who paved the way for the Messiah. Jesse was the father of King David. We talk about "the root of Jesse" meaning the beginning of the line that led to the Messiah.
Frequently, you use a dead tree branch as your tree. I've seen a "Christmas" tree (evergreen tree) used. I myself cut out a piece of green felt in the shape of an evergreen tree. On the tree, you hang ornaments which are symbols of people from the Bible. You can do one each day as a countdown to Christmas, or you can just use it as an educational tool and do one or two whenever you have time.
You need to know your Bible! Here are some examples:
Moses might be represented by two stone tablets for the 10 Commandments.
Joseph son of Jacob and Rachel could be represented by a multi-colored coat.
The Blessed Mother could be represented by a lily. Joseph could be represented by a hammer and saw.
The purpose, at least how I use it, is to show the many many people who chose to follow God and to do His will and how the played a role in OUR salvation history. For example, Ruth (you could use wheat to represent her)could have returned to her own people, but she chose to remain with Naomi (and her adopted faith) and went on to become the grandmother of King David.
Anyway, the book I mentioned earlier has reproduceable pages of symbols for different people, and references to their stories in the Bible. The symbols can be colored by the kids, cut out, and hung on the tree. On Christmas Eve we hang a symbol for Christ: a manger with a Chi Rho rising out of it and the sun behind it.
I hope this inspires someone!
If you do a Jesse Tree search on the internet, you ought to find some paterns to use.
After much searching, I found a source for the "Celebrating the Faith in the Home" series.
www.emmanuelbooks.com
They were listed under Christmas (and probably elsewhere).
Even St. Therese of Liseux left her shoes out on Christmas Eve to be filled. This "secular" tradition certainly did not diminish her faith or love for Jesus. As the previous posts demonstrate, there are plenty of spiritual traditions to keep the focus of Christmas on the birth of Our Lord. As long as this is the emphasis, I see nothing wrong with St. Nicholas bringing goodies and children getting to experience a special joy and excitement that they can only experience as children. I could be wrong, but I have never heard of an athiest who denounced religion because his parents told him there was a Santa Clause. I believe moderation in all things is the key.
Actually, I do know someone who, at ten years old discovered there was no Santa - and quite firmly wondered then what else her parents had told her was untrue. It led her to a crisis of faith later on in her teens (which she directly attributed to this event), and once she regained her footing and decided to believe in Christ once more, then remained fearful to question or study much for quite a while because she did not want to go through the periods of doubting again.
An extreme reaction, no doubt. But... Was it Santa which was the problem? Not really. But the whole notion that what Mummy and Daddy says is not 'really' true... It jsut doesn't support a strong foundation of trust to me.
I still see this as a problem, and I have to ask, why bother? My children find just as much excitement with Christmas without Santa.
I still say, stop promoting Santa. He'll be around anyway in our culture, but I don't believe parents have to join in the fad. The old fat guy in the red suit was invented by a Protestant - Clement C Moore. I dont' think Catholic parents need to follow suit.
We deal with the Santa issue much the way Holly does - don't burst their balloon but emphasize the trueness of St. Nick and the Christ Child, etc. But I find the question of which tales to believe in (Jesus and Mary - true, Tooth Fairy and Santa - false) to be an interesting one in our family. It was only recently that these distinctions ceased causing tensions with our 7 y.o. daughter. As she began to lose her teeth people would ask her about the Tooth Fairy and I would put the obligatory 50 cents under her pillow. But she clearly knew that tooth fairies weren't true so she objected to me doing this. "I know that the tooth fairy has to be mommy or daddy!!" she would shout - kind of ruining the whole thing for everyone and being a bit of a Grinch. Fine, don't believe in that stuff. But she also objected to when my husband would tell made-up stories about the catfish who lives at the bottom of Lake Waco who would be unkind to you until you sang the Kyrie to him. She knew this was made up but somehow it infuriated her to hear about it. We knew something was going on -- so eventually my husband had a frank talk with her about the things that true (things of the Church) and the made-up things that make life more fun and imaginative (say, the singing catfish). Once she (and her 4 y. o. sister) was let in on the difference she has been able to truly enjoy the made-up stuff of life without doubting for a second the true stuff. In some ways I think it has helped her faith to realize the difference between the two and has helped her trust that we, as her parents, won't lie to her.
I have a preschooler and have been quite honest with her about the meaning of Christmas. She knows that Christmas is about God and not santa. Since we can't seem to avoid seeing santa all over everything, I explained to her that santa is a character just like a care bear, and when we see people dressed up as santa they are playing dress up like she is when she wears her dress up clothes. It seems to have gotten through to her just fine and there have been no upsets at all. I also told her that any presents she gets come from friends and family.
I have heard her tell her preschool friends that talk about santa "We celebrate GOD not santa!" and I am pleased with her.
We run in to so many adults asking her what she wants from santa and etc. Even other religious people. It is really upsetting to me, to be honest. Santa is yet another detractor and I can't believe so many people want to encourage lying and distraction from Christ.
Ellie,
I think Santa is just another example of how the secular culture has permeated even the lives and practices of Christians. Because we grew up with this, we think it is normal, and I think we need to step outside our culture in order to ponder it, and hence distance ourselves from it.
It can be very threatening to do this though...I had one woman write to me VERY upset at what I've been saying here.
I think for all of us, we need to continue to live as our consience dictates, for this is the type of living which is open to God's will.
And we can't 'judge' others on this issue either: You know = what I believed 10 years ago was tremendously different than what I know now. I wasn't a 'bad person' then - and I don't think people who do Santa are bad either.
I think it is an issue of gradually, over the next generation or two, of coming closer to the Christian ideal in our lives and cultural expressions.
We see now what the Santa ideal has done to modern Christmas and what secularism has done to our society. I believe we need to 'take back' or find 'new' cultural expressions for our Christianity.
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