Help
With Your Rule
New Baby, New House, New Routines
Dear Holly,
I have enjoyed your book so much. It has given me a lot to reflect upon and practical things to apply to my own family life. I have three wonderful girls under three years old (33 months, 16 months and 3 weeks). We just moved into a new house two months ago. A lot of transition in a short period of time! As we approach fall, I want to get back to a more structured routine with my children. I have three questions pertaining to this.
1) How do I motivate my nearly 3-year-old to try new things (i.e., tracing lines, various crafts, learning different preschool skills)? She doesn't seem to want to learn, which I know cannot be true. I feel like I'm not a good teacher to her, and I get frustrated when she doesn't respond to something I try to teach her.
2) At the same time, she has lost interest in independent play. She used to play so well on her own (at about the age of my 2nd daughter who plays very nicely alone), but now she appears bored all the time. I can't play with her, do activities with her or take her places all the time, because I have two other little ones plus household tasks to accomplish. But at the same time, I feel responsible for her being bored. What should I do?
3) Finally, I want to incorporate regular chores into the girls' day. Up until now, chores have been sporadic rather than routine. How should I begin incorporating them? What can I expect from my 3-year old and 16-month-old? How do I motivate them? Sometimes it seems like a struggle to get them to even pick up their toys!
Labels: 4th P Parent, Homeschooling
posted by Holly at 4:52 PM
2 Comments:
I think the very first thing to realize is your family members, from children to Mummy and Daddy, have all just had a tremendous and radical shift in life lately! I have always found that it takes me three months after the birth of a baby to even begin to feel somewhat normal. But add to this a move to a new home, and I would consider my entire life in uproar.
So while I appreciate your desire to bring order and routine - yes, very necessary I agree - I think this is going to be a process which will keep you busy for the next few months for sure. And i would be attacking it with much patience and a slow unhurried pace.
I'd start your new routines with your prayer and meal/snack and bedtime routines first - for you and the whole family. This will bring a sense of order immediately. Secondly, I would have my little ones help as much as possible in the setting up and arranging of the home. All little children love to help Mummy...
As you do your work, ask yourself,
"What are these little ones capable of doing?"
They can help sort socks; put wet clothes from the washer into the dryer; help sort shoes; help wipe tables; bring dishes to dishwasher; hang up towels; mop (ie: prime your floors by getting them all wet before YOU mop!) And all of these and more, with your supervision.
As for your specific questions regarding your 3 year old - I can share with you a story.
I once taught a girl whose family was in uproar. Her parents were alcoholics and drunk frequently. She lived her home life in noise and uproar. She came to school dirty and she was wild. TEchers expected her to sit still and do her schoolwork. NAturally, she didn't. I remember thinking, "What that child needs, aside from a loving pair of arms, is a year off from school in the country, walking through daisy fields and listening to birds sing."
No child can function well with uproar. A 3 year old is very sensitive to a new baby in the house. She feels like she has to share Mummy - again - and some children can feel insecure. A new home adds to this - everything is different, new, unsure...
I think your little ones just needs to have life slow down, spend time with Mummy, and experience lots of hugs and kisses and cookie baking. I personally don't think this is the time to 'teach school'. I think it's time to get adjusted to a new life.
If you want to schedule a routine, schedule table time with playdough or paints; schedule a video time; schedule nap time; schedule outside time; schedule a story time; schedule normal living events so that life seems to get back to normal for her.
I would also put her toys all away as a whole, and pull out only a couple of different toys every day and put them in the living room. Then, invite her to help you wash dishes - just hand her soap bubbles... or give her a toothbrush and a dirty muffin tray... have her help you as much as possible. I think she just wants your closeness and to be involved in your life as a way to balance her.
Lastly, I would have a series of table activities (see Holly's Notebook Page - Little Ones Activities) which she can do 'beside' you while you work in the kitchen. The 2 year old can work from a highchair. The infant can be in a car seat or cradle or playpen or sling... I think your 3 year old just wants to be 'near' you...
Any other moms opinions to add to mine???
These are the hardest years! My older children were very needy until age 4 or 5. My third child was less dependant by age 3, but she had two older brothers who actively involved her in their play. I think the biggest challenge during these earliest years is joy-filled survival!
I would focus on a basic routine with one or two fun commitments - like a weekly playdate or story-time at the library or even Tuesday morning fingerpainting. This would give your daughter something to look forward to doing without overwhelming you too much. Break up the housework into a weekly schedule (kitchen on Monday, vacuuming on Tuesday, etc), forgive yourself for having a less than perfect house, and invite your little ones to help (realize that their efforts will be less than perfect, but they will feel like big girls).
Plan your housework around special activities: plan to wash the kitchen floor AFTER you let them help you bake muffins...also schedule art activities BEFORE bathtime.
Don't stress out about pre-school skills. I had a friend who was from another country who thought that her child could not get into kindergarten unless he could accomplish certain tasks. Once I explained that this was not true, she relaxed about her formal preschooling. Dance the Hokey Pokey to teach left and right. Count scoops of flour when baking. Play hopscotch for number recognition. Sing the alphabet song. Put a child's name on a piece of paper - decorate - and post on her bedroom door...and then talk about the letters (J is for Jenny...see the J?). Go on scavenger hunts for items (this is great for a nursing mom and teaches counting and item recognition as well as following instructions: say, "go find three BLUE things" or "go find four toys that are ROUND").
And for toys, I agree with Holly: rotate toys. Too many toys overwhelms a kid and increases boredom. Keep out a few favorites, put the rest in a closet, and then bring out a new bin every few days. Try to have outdoor time every day - a walk around the block or a half hour at the nearby playground.
Use a routine to free you from stress, not create more. If you wash the kitchen floor on Thursdays, ignore the grime on Wednesday and spot clean spills. If you spend an hour baking cookies with your helpers, don't feel guilty for spending some time checking email while they watch a Disney movie.
And now, I must start school...
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