Help
With Your Rule
Dealing With Many Issues at Once
Hi Holly,
I've just finished reading your book and am battling the discouragement and sloth you talk about near the end of the book. My solution so far has been to attack it with prayer, but I am really running in to a lot of roadblocks even finding time to pray. As I write this note, for instance, my 4 1/2 year old is sitting on my chair/lap rattling on in my ear ("What's taking so long?", "Maria's crying!", etc.) and the 5 month old is crying in the other room. and the 2 1/2 year old is head butting me and grabbing my arm about a video she wants to watch... I know you struggled with these same issues, which was so refreshing to read. I especially related to the comment you made about "dishes with last night's dinner caked on them in the sink along with the breakfast ones..." And also the depression and past issues to be delivered from... but that's another letter to you altogether.
But my real challenge is the morning -- for the past few months, these kids will not give me one moment to myself unless I carve it out and completely ignore them (usually they end up in front of the TV, eyes glazed over), which leads to guilt-ridden, constantly-interrupted prayer. I have tried to get up earlier than them, like a half-hour earlier or so, but at least one (including the 7 1/2 year old) will wake up along with me. I could go on and on with the details, but I just can't seem to get beyond this hopeless point. I've tried to get my husband to help, but he is just as overwhelmed with this morning wake-up problem. I tend to let him get the alone-time first thing and deal with the kids myself, because it's his time to read the Bible and that's really the only personal prayer time he takes for himself each day. I saw the post about dealing with sleep problems, so I'm going to pursue reading those books and websites.
Any suggestions about which prayers I might use to get this MROL going for me (I feel like I'm not asking God for the right thing because of all these impediments)? I know your book came in to my life as part of God's plan for me and my vocation, and I don't want this opportunity to go by the wayside!
Labels: About a Rule of Life, Miscellaneous
posted by Holly at 2:18 PM
1 Comments:
I have to tell you, I see many (familiar) issues here, and I think there needs to be a wholesale attack on many of them at the same time, or you won't notice any change.
Secondly, I want you to realize and hold firmly to the truth that God does not expect the impossible. When something is impossible to do, like trying to pray when the children need you, then you are not bound by obligation to do so. Now, 'desiring' more prayer is another issue, and we'll save this for another time.
This is what I see, and what I think you CAN do and start right away, in this order.
1. SLEEP:
Determine when the children normally wake up. Decide what time 1/2 hour BEFORE this is. Count back 9 hours and go to bed, every night this week.
This will probably be a sacrifice for you, if you are trying to live your personal life at night when the children sleep. If so, staying up too late leaves you with little energy to cope the next morning. Much of your morning stress might be relieved by proper rest.
So if your children usually wake around 7, I think you need to get up earlier, and from the sounds of it, I'll bet you don't get much sleep - or at least, not enough for your needs. If 9 hours sleep won't wake you rested 1/2 hour before the children, try 10 hours - for a week- and see if this helps. Your bedtime might be ridiculously early for the first bit, but it might help you determine how much you need.
I would also set the children's bedtimes ( I always had all my children those ages 12 hours in their beds), as well as limit nap times to fall before 2 pm.
2. MORNING PRAYER:
There are many things you can set up for your little ones to ensure you have 20 minutes first thing to get a coffee and chat with the Lord.
The baby can come out with you for a bottle or nurse. But the 2.5 yr old, (and older children ) - put some toys in their rooms; put books by their beds; slip a glass of milk and some crackers inside the door of their bedrooms for them to munch while you go have some quiet. Put up gates on the bedroom door of the 2 yr old, if necessary. One woman I know, covered her child's bedroom wall with newsprint and left crayons in there - the child played contentedly until her prayer time was over.
Explain to the children what they are to do the night before. Enlist the aid of your 7 yr old to help keep the little one occupied for 20 minutes, if necessary. Have Daddy tell them to stay in bed if they awake before your time is up. If they come to you, tell them to go back to bed until you call!
But for your serious prayer, arrange for at least 30 minutes when the children go to bed , in the EVENING - before you watch tv or talk to your husband or go out. Place God first - and until your family gets used to it, real quiet time with God will have to occur at night, I imagine.
But for the first little while in the morning, you will need to just work on your youngest children to stay in their rooms while you pray. Expect a good while to form this habit for them. And for you, you will have to accept that in 20 -30 minutes, you have to stop and start your motherly work.
I might also add,that despite doing all this, I never in the first 2 years I taught my children to stay in their rooms until I came to get them - I never had a single morning without an interruption. Not once. They key is to get your serious prayertime in during the evening, and let the morning be a time to informally sort your day with the Lord.
3. ROUTINE FOR KIDS
It sounds to me that the children have very little routine at all. THIS is what will help you bring peace to your personal life and your family life. And THIS is your job, Mummy, and you CAN do it.
Set your meal times, your chore times before and after these. Set your TV time, your story time, your nap time or quiet time, your outside times. Set these. And spend your whole first week focusing on getting all these things down tight. In fact, take a month - and let the practice of these habits be your only main concern.
4. TALK TO A PRIEST
I sense there are deeper issues here, and I would counsel you to visit your parish priest for a chat about your discouragement. I think you need someone to talk to there.
5. MOTHER'S SABBATH
In discussion with your husband, look for a way to get out of the house alone once a week for a couple of hours - say a set evening. Make it a time for prayer and spiritual reading, or for a prayer group, or mothers support group or for meeting with your priest.
I think there are larger 2nd P issues here which are the main obstacles with bringing order and peace to the home, correct? And I think this is where you need to place your physical, psychological and spiritual care in a top priority, after getting a basic routine down to bring harmony to the children's lives.
Proper food, exercise and sleep; proper counsel and talking things out; use of the sacraments and a regular evening prayer time -- these ought to be the top focus - that which you are going to work on, above any hobbies or outings or other projects, for the next coupe of months.
Now, that's my opinion - you are free to dismiss all of this, if you don't agree. But I think these things would help tremendously! Blessings!
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