Help
With Your Rule
How Do You Pray with Your Husband?
Dear Holly,
I have wanted to pray daily with my husband for years, but it never happens. He doesn't seem comfortable - he even seems reluctant to pray with me. We already do a family rosary, and personal conversational prayer to God with him doesn't work. How do you pray with your husband - as a couple?
Labels: 1st P Prayer, 3rd P Partner
posted by Holly at 9:57 AM
5 Comments:
Now I know all about that! Philip and I went for years unable to pray with each other. He often felt overwhelmed by my spirituality, because his was different from mine. At first, I remember feeling rejected about this, or on the other hand, I judged him as not having enough faith - like me!! :-(.
But a few years into marriage, I learned that just as our bodies are different as male and female, that our souls are different too! We have a male and a female soul - that these too have gender! Isn't that amazing?
At this point I realized it was only natural, then, for him to pray differently than I do. So I could accept this. But it didn't solve the desire we both had to pray together - we too already did a family rosary - but other types of 'repetitious' prayers we might do as a couple, like a chaplet, just got boring and we'd give it up. Sometimes, I found myself not wanting to pray with him too - because I wanted to be silent and reflective, and to even say prayers with him was an 'interruption'!
But then we found out about Morning and Evening Prayer, from the Liturgy of the Hours. While I already had a 4 volume breviary, we couldn't afford to buy him a set too, and leaning over a single book together to pray was awkward and un-comfy and we couldn't maintain it.
So, eventually we discovered the book of "Christian Prayer" , available from Catholic Book Publishing Company. Now we can do Morning and Evening Prayer together every day -
It provides us with different psalms and readings to say together, taking turns with each stanza; It follows along with the prayer of the Church; it provides change every day and every season so no one gets bored; and having our own books makes it a joy to say. Not to mention, that it is really very quickly done - 15 minutes maximum for each session.
This way, I can still do my own quiet silent prayer. I can still pray with the whole family. But I can also now pray with my husband. It is a wonderful resources and I think it will answer your prayer needs as a couple.
But what do you do if he doesn't want to pray with you?
I once went to a priest and asked him that very question! Here's what he told me, and what I did:
The Priest said to include Philip in my heart during my prayer time . How? I was to tell him I was going to pray now; and to say "You are welcome to join me" and if he couldn't , then I was to ask him what he would like me to pray for, for him. That way, Philip would be aware that I was actually including his intentions. So , in effect, spiritually, we were united through my prayer...
And then I was to pray for him every day as well. I especially prayed to the Blessed Mother, and consecrated him to her Immaculate Heart.
I found Philip was appreciative then of my inclusion of his needs in my prayer, and over time, his reluctance to pray with me changed. I felt I was called to have much patience - to not judge him - and to genuinely include him in my prayers, and genuinely include his intentions.
The results were not immediate, but over a period of a few years, things changed, and we pray together now. Hope this helps!
Thank you for your insight. I have been troubled by my husgand not wanting to pray with me. He actually told me that when I ask, he feels that he is just praying because I asked, not because he feels like praying. He said that he would rather I didn't ask and just let him join me if he wanted to. So, I stopped asking. It still annoys me sometimes but I like the idea of asking what he would like me to include in my prayers.
I have just started reading your book and it is confirmation in what I have been feeling and trying to act on in my life. You are right chaos gets me no where and I knew that but at the same time, I hate schedules, but atleast they bring about some order. Thanks for writing :)
Hey Anonymous!
Carry on reading, and your schedule can be the briefest routine - whatever you will 'need' to bring order to your life... Each woman's rule is different.
Prayers..
Holly
Post a Comment
<< Home