Help
With Your Rule
Baby Twins & a Mother's Rule
Dear Holly,
I have an unusual situation... I was given your book a week before I gave birth, and loved it, but knowing that I was having a baby, I decided to give myself a little time before I implemented anything. Two weeks after giving birth (I felt great, and was ready to get started soon!) we accepted a foster care placement - another baby we picked up from the hospital, only 1 1/2 days old! Now my dreams of beginning a rule seem VERY far away. My "virtual twins" are 3 & 2 1/2 months old, and I keep thinking that they will get into more of a schedule every day...but I don't know. My hubby and 4 yr old need a clean home, and I have to start homeschooling this fall, anyone with any advice? Sorry to sound desperate, but I feel that the rule is just what my family needs, and I have no idea how to get started with two little ones! Thank you for your time!
Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 9:57 AM
5 Comments:
First off - I am touched by your generosity! I think God has a great trust in you and I am sure He will provide you with all the graces you need.
Where to start with your rule then?
The first thing I would do is keep track on paper for a few days to a week of when the babies naturally want to eat and when they naturally want to sleep - write out as you go their present daily eat/sleep schedule. Then, if there are any constants - like they always sleep around mid-afternoon or they usually want to eat just before supper - then you'll know when the natural lulls are which you can now make more 'constant'
You may want to read the posts about 'progression schedules' to help you too - it will provide you with some flexibility - when we get up we do this; just before lunch we do this; after supper we do this...
You'll want to focus on your basics - meals, getting laundry done, hygiene and tidy up - as well as your spiritual basics - a morning offering, a bedtime prayer time (however short), a family rosary or family chaplet or family scripture stories or your choice (babies can be cuddled then) and some other time throughout the day for you to get your spiritual reading in - even if it's 15 minutes while they nap.
Take advantage of those nap times for your prayer time first - housework second. Give your 4 year old a quiet play time in his/her room when the babies nap - get your prayer, and then figure out which types of housework chores you need to do at this time - the type which are extremely difficult to do with babies around...
Ask your husband to help you do a general tidy up of the house before your bedtime or right after supper. And discuss with him how you can get a weekly cleaning in (or you might want to check out the Flylady method of a bit every day - I think it's www.flylady.com).
Other than that, if you can pull together a couple of friends who can help you, or if your husband can, with babies in swings or playpens, try to go through your house over the next month and purge it of unnecessaries - get rid of all the excess that you don't use or need. Work through a room analysis (as mentioned in MROL) and make a place for everything - THIS will help you bring order. And if you don't want to throw things out, box extras and put them in the basement until you can get to them later.
In addition, I would dismiss the 'pressure' of homeschooling in the fall - you are really talking about kindergarten here - and there really is no pressure. Many of the kindergarten skills can be learned in the context of daily life - ex: tying shoes need not be a formal lesson; classification / sorting skills can be learned by putting the cutlery away from the dishwasher; letters can be learned by cutting things out of a magazine while you make supper; your child can count socks as he/she pulls them from the dryer...
Look instead to the moment - you have a whole summer now - 3 full months - to establish some basic routines. Focus on now, for God's grace is accessed only here and now...
These are some of the things I would look at - perhaps other mothers may have additional ideas?
Yes, thank you for your generousity!
I understand your struggles, but hope you relax some of the pressure you are putting on yourself. Especially in regards to homeschooling the four year old. For that I would reccomend all the real life skills that Holly mentioned. Also, find a couple blocks of time during the day of 10-15 minutes each(yes, that's it!) to do "book work." Like a little phonics/math workbook. For my littles I just did it when they brought it to me; it seems to work best when they are interested. Don't read about the goals and requirements for homeschooling older children and try to apply that to your little one. Also, find some lap time to snuggle your pre-schooler and read her some stories. Walks are also great time for learning. Also, weaving prayer through your day is a natural way to teach the faith, just keep pointing your little family to God.
Regarding your house. I think it helps to up at a regular time and get showered and dressed right away. It does much for my state of mind and ability to accomplish additional tasks. Try to carve out regualr meal times, do the dishes right after if you can, or at least make it your next task if the babies need you. Also, do laundry each day. Start it in the morning and have it put away by bedtime. You don't have to do it all everyday, but do some everyday and you won't get behind. Also, I agree: GET RID OF THE CLUTTER! God Bless!
I can understand the feelings around starting home schooling and having a new baby- and you have that doubled! I believe God will bless your efforts more than you know. I agree with everything shared and wanted to add one suggestion based on my past year of juggling Kindergarten and a pre-schooler and a new baby with medical issues: I used a curriculum that was easy to adapt as to when we could do the essentials: Reading, Writing, Math and Religion. I was grateful for the suggestion to use Catholic Heritage Curricula (www.chcweb.com). It was a very gentle approach and we finished the whole year by the end of May with me taking most of the fall off after having my baby in October! Easy to go at the child's pace and double up some lessons if need be.
God will Bless your efforts!
In Christ,
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Hi! I am writing because I am a mom of twin babies, and I wanted to give you some hope -- it gets easier every day! I have 9 month old twins, as well as a 3 year old and 2 year old. I will be homeschooling in the fall using Natural Structure, which is basically a montessori model Catholic preschool method.
The thing about the twins is that it really will get easier, and your 4 year old will be able to interact with them much more as they get a little bit older. Once they can both sit up, you will be able to place them on a blanket or in a playpen with a few toys and they will entertain themselves for longer than you would expect. I think somehow with 2, since they have each other to smile at, etc, we manage to get 1/2 hour stretches of them totally entertaining themselves at a time. With about 3 of those playtimes throughout the day, as well as naps, we seem to manage pretty well. And (if this isn't too scandalous), I don't mind a baby einstein video here and there when neccessary.
Once they can manage a few cheerios on the high chair tray, you will get your mealtimes back, too. We feed the babies right before we eat, and then they usually sit happily in the highchair with cups or cheerios while I get a chance to have my meal.
I think that the flexible routine which Holly describes is a perfect idea -- it takes a lot of the pressure off. Sometimes a task can take a lot longer than you thought, especially with two babies to change, etc.
One piece of advice that someone gave me when I was expecting twins:make a list of what needs to be done (minimums for maintaining sanity), then, go down that list and see what needs to be done by you. For a while, you may have to farm out some of the chores or cut back on things in order to get through each day, but eventually you will get a lot of your time back. Be realistic about the fact that you are in survival mode for a few months so that you don't set yourself up to fail.
I think that Holly outlines so well the order of priorities in our vocation, and I would also say try if you can to work with those -- parenting twins is so hard somedays, you will need to make sure that you are stopping to refuel, which means making the time for prayer and for your own needs, too.
God Bless you! I am sure that Christ will provide the strength that you and your husband need to care for your wonderful family!
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