Help
With Your Rule
About Altering the Rule
Dear Holly,
It seems to me that with small children, and being within the childbearing years, a Rule for myself as well as the children would be constantly changing--my abilities and needs and amount of available time are very different when pregnant, and then when the child is just born, or 6 months old, or two years old. And likewise, it would seem that with the children, their abilities and needs change very rapidly, so what are legitimate chores even 6 months ago, now they can do much more than that. How do you account for all of these changes, and how often are you changing your Rule to include different factors that come up?
Labels: About a Rule of Life
posted by Holly at 4:43 PM
3 Comments:
First off - when I did up my room analyses 5 years ago, I wrote down every single chore for every room that would ever be bound to happen in it. Thus, my chores charts are just a reflection of what I figured out 5 years ago.
Reassessment does not mean going back over that whole process - it's done and there's never a need to re-do these chore analyses unless we move to a new house or something where our circumstances drastically are altered.
So when I go to alter my charts, I am just working with all the same information that's already on the chart, so it's just a matter of moving things around - it's not a great deal of work. And since I have this on my computer now, it's easy to just click and drag to where I want the chores to go.
As my childen grow, yes, their abilities grow, and so usually I find myself altering chores in the Fall and in the Spring somewhat, which also provides seasonal change and relief from monotony.
But other than that - there are certain things that usually remain constant - meal times; the chore times around those meals and morning get-up chores. That is the value of 'wrapping' chores around meal time. On the other hand, our weekly clean up has lately happened on Fri night or Sat morning or Sat evening... there's freedom to choose here, as long as I'm not ommitting some other huge responsibility.
Other things - like school time, or days for socialization, or soccer or whatever - I usually just alter these in the Fall when we begin a new school year. And usually things are pretty broad and general so it's no problem to switch things around if it doesn't work. The idea of a 'progression of events' schedule works very well in this context as it provides mom with sequences of good habits which can be placed within the normal context of the family's natural routine and lulls.
And I have stressed, too, the need to 'schedule' only the essentials - that life needs to be lived; that other things will come up; that there must be room for life's daily events and activities. So we don't want a day scheduled to the hilt with no room to breathe. We want a gentle flow of all the different activities we 'need' to cover in the run of a day.
On a similar note, the 'schedule' itself really is a 'training' tool. When I first began my rule, the reason I initially found it so difficult was because I hadn't even been used to cleaning up the dishes after lunch, or not making my bed in the morning. So the schedule with the time elements, gave me a reasonable pattern of living to ensure all was accomplished. It's importance was in the 'training' of my person to do my duties.
But I think we can 'overstress' the schedule element and lost the heart of the rule in doing so. Our key aim is to respond to God's call to be His loving daughters , to take care of our persons, to be there for our husbands and children , to educate them, AND to get our housework done. The HEART of the rule never changes, and the schedule of any kind is just a tool to help us live the heart...
In MROL, I talked about the practical rule and the spirit of the rule. For me, my 'mother's rule' is really what I wrote in the Appendix, and the schedule is just the way to help me live this. If at any time the schedule becomes an obstacle for my living my vocation, then I drop it - like when I had hepatitis, or we all need a break, or I'm going away for a couple of days, or or or...
Do you see what I mean? And did that help at all?
that totally helped- thank you. I think I was looking at your chart examples and picturing myself making up new charts every couple of months or so, as situations changed! Your emphasis on only the essentials was good to hear as well, as I think I was scheduling too many details. I also need to go over my Spirit of the Rule, as I know I am a task-oriented person, and can tend to focus too much on the doing of the Rule, instead of the reason behind it.
Good Caroline! I am glad it helped. Feel free to keep in touch.
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