Help
With Your Rule
Siblings and Bickering
Dear Holly,
The five and three year old are constantly bickering. I have noticed it is almost always instigated by my oldest. I do activities with them throughout the day and try to keep them relatively busy, but there are several "free times" written in my rule. The result of this is another big problem and that is that my daughter (3 yr old) is always crying and yelling.
Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 9:23 PM
1 Comments:
Interesting you should mention this, for my two youngest are going through the same thing right now (ages 7 and 5)!
For me, I have always seen their rivalry as a form of jealousy, specifically by the oldest son as he has to share me with his youngest sister. So, I have to make sure that he gets enough one-on-one time with me to let him know he still 'counts' and that she is not a threat to this love.
For her, I think she has learned that her older brother doesn't seem to 'like' her. So, she gets fiesty right back! She too, deals with frustration and tend to holler when she doesn't color right, or when she can't do what an older child would do.
For her, I have to spend quality time as well, encourage her, and let her know I love her, to make up for any negative stuff she might get from her brother when my back is turned (or not turned!).
As for our free time - I tend to split them up at certain times so that they don't have too much time together. They are not allowed to enter each other's rooms without permission. And when they are together alone, I tend to supervise them. I also have to verbally teach them, over and over, that what they are doing is not good, not loving, and try to give them skills to handle disagreements - how to disagree without being mean; what rights they have over their own property and to feel safe in this; ensuring apologies follow any mean words; and Philip has them do 'resolutions' in the family morning prayer, which I bring to their attention throughout the day.
The reality is, they are children who are functioning on an emotional level. Their reason hasn't fully blossomed (altho my 7 year old son is getting there) and they are not totally responsible for their bickering.
On a hopeful note, my eldest daughter was very jealous of my first son when he came along - for many years. But somewhere around the golden age of ten or eleven, they became the best of friends, and continue on to this day.
So, in a nutshell - give each of them their 'time' with you; supervise and 'teach' them about their behavior; and for other times, divide and conquer!
Any ideas from you other moms? Always open to shared wisdom from those who have been there!
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