Help
With Your Rule
A Child Who Clings
DearHolly,
My youngest (13 months) is very clingy, and demanding. I am still nursing and I do not ignore her, so I don't think it is a result of not getting enough attention. Perhaps, she is getting too much attention and therefore becoming too demanding? It is becoming VERY difficult to get anything done in the house, or to spend quality time with the older kids. She used to be very independent in her play times, but now it is ridiculous how much she wants to nurse or just be held by me.
I guess my question is, should I treat this as a phase and just hope things get better, coping with it in the meantime, or should I take action to discourage this and if so, what? Other than this, my mother's rule is working like a charm!
Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 7:37 AM
2 Comments:
First off, I am so glad a Mother's Rule is helping you live your vocation more easily and with less stress. That is so good!
Secondly, children differ of course, and I have had my share of clingy children. For me, I guess it is an issue of balance.
If I can't get supper made or can't tidy up when I have to or can't manage to get the finances entered because a child is clingy, then I figure I need to do something about it.
Use your reason and assess what her real needs are, and what her special personality might need, and what you think is learned dependance or childish whim.
Normally, for children of that age, I put them in a high chair beside me while I worked and gave them some dollar store toys to play with - infant puzzles / nesting boxes/ beads on strings - and kept changing these to provide variety for the child. (There are a list of ideas on Holly's Notebook - Little Ones - activity Ideas).
And I'd talk to them, and say "Mummy's right here - now you play beside me while I get finished here - and then I'll get you out to come help me with the laundry!" And I'd even serve a snack too.
I'd also enlist their help - loading laundry, wiping a counter or cupboard, putting things in baskets - little children love to help Mom.
And I think you are right about your child possibly learning clingyness - aside from teething times or the flu - if she 'was' independent and is now reverting to dependence again. For me, I just have to go with what is reasonable given my other responsibilities too.
Yes, I would give her a little extra time, but I would also need to begin teaching her that Mummy has other work to do too.
Put yourself back in the time of an early settler when Mom had survival-issue chores to accomplish - how do you think she would have dealt with this?
I just wanted to chime in here as another nursing Mom of a child who is 12 1/2 months. I also have a 4 1/2 year old who nursed. I have found that around this age, despite having been "independent" they go through a natural development that does cause them to be more clingy. For whatever reason, this is completely natural, and there are lots of books out there that support this. I agree with everything Holly said about trying to distract, distract, distract!! But also, it's important to know that "this too shall pass," and most especially you will actually reinforce her independence if you meet her needs now. If you fight her too much, she will only become more clingy.
God bless, and hope that helps. So many of us are there right now!
Post a Comment
<< Home