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With Your Rule
Can Spiritual Direction Hamper Marital Intimacy?
Dear Holly,
Our entire home schooling family has greatly benefited from a Mother's Rule. Life is indeed better, more God-centered than before. Now my wife seems to be considering placing herself under the discipline of a"spiritual director" and as I read what is involved, specificallyThomas Dubay's book on spiritual direction, I am deeply concerned that this might violate the sanctity and unity of the marriage, to be, in effect, a form of spiritual adultery.
Doesn't the obedience and submission of a married woman to another man violate a relationship what God has said should exist only between husband and wife? This is in no way a challenge and I do not fault the role of a spiritual director in the life of young priest, for example. I am genuinely perplexed and have serious doubts about the benefits of such an arrangement within a marriage, regardless of the "other" man's rectitude and holiness. You talk about your spiritual director in a Mother's Rule and, I gather, this causes Philip no distress.
Labels: 1st P Prayer, 3rd P Partner
posted by Holly at 9:29 PM
1 Comments:
Thanks for your letter. And I am grateful that MROL has helped bring your family closer to Jesus in your daily lives - praise God!
As for the spiritual director question - obviously I see no discrepancy here, nor does my husband, nor any other man or woman I know who has a spiritual director. So, from experience, that might help... The relationship between director and directee is not an 'intimacy' like one has with one's husband, but the seeking of an objective viewpoint re God's intent for the person within their vocation, their prayer lives, their personal life.
In my opinion, the spiritual director compliments the husband's input - and Philip and I have often found that to go to the same director helps the director see the whole picture of things.
Perhaps I can tell you something that might help - you know of Kimberly and Scott Hahn? I remember them having difficulty with the notion of a spiritual director because , in their Protestant upbringing, the husband had spiritual authority over the wife. When they became Catholic, they were surprised to learn that the husband does not have this type of spiritual 'authority' over
the wife - and that the wife is entitled to direction from a priest.
Also too - know that very few directors now are 'into' commanding their directees to do things - they are much more a listening and discerning ear, again, from that objective perspective - helping the person directed to see the movement of God in one's life. A good director will only lead your wife and you closer together - not split you up or interfere within your marriage.
And as Pope John Paul II says - the submission in marriage is a mutual submission - a submission of love and service. You too are entitled to an outside director.
Now, I can only write to you from my perspective of course, but you know, it might be a very good thing for you to go to Fr Thomas Dubay himself on this - I'm sure he has an email somewhere! He is very sound, very wise - I'll bet he could distinguish for you - and if you do, please feel free to get back to me and share what he says!
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