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The 2nd P - Understanding Your Temperament (articl...
Confused About "Types" of Prayer
A Special Prayer Just for Moms!
Prayer, Going to Meet Jesus (article)
Consecration to the Blessed Mother Prayer
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Little Ones - Activity Ideas
Copyright ©2004 Sophia Institute
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Welcome to "Holly's Notebook"
Dear Friends,
This is my personal page where I get to put anything I want —favorite
resources; personal comments; upcoming speaking engagements; latest
news; recent articles; links; my questions for MROL readers; special
invitation
blogs posted by friends; or anything else you Moms might want me
to include!
I would love to hear from all you mothers in the comments sections,
with
questions, ideas, your favorite resources and latest news as well!
(And if you'd
like a personal chat, contact me at holly@mothersruleoflife.com.)
God Bless,
Holly Pierlot
NOW AVAILABLE!
A Mothers Rule of Life: Establishing Your Practical Rule
Printable Workbook (PDF Format)
Companion Volume to A Mothers Rule of Life (Sophia 2004)
By Holly Pierlot (with Christi Gareis)
Accompanying templates, forms and instructions to aid mothers in developing their practical schedules and routines.
$8.47 US Funds: Pay Pal or Credit Card through Pay Pal.
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To PROTECT YOUR PURCHASE, you will need to immediately bookmark the workbook site, and/or then save/cut and paste the URL address if you wish to access the workbook in the future. We suggest you write the address on a piece of paper and keep it in a secure location. (Note: Please contact Holly by email if there are difficulties. In normal circumstances, no refunds available.)
What About Apostolates Outside the Home?
Dear Friends,
I've talked with two separate women in the past week who both suggested A Mother's Rule of Life needs another chapter - one that addresses the tension between the 5 Ps of our married vocation, and the role of additional apostolates outside the home. I think it's a valid question, given that many women are involved in their parishes or other forms of apostolate as well as their family life. The basic questions are - "Am I called to outside involvement?", "If so, in what area?", and "How can I do it all?"
By virtue of our baptism, we all have a call to Christianize the world and serve the church and society. I think it is most important to realize, we are doing this inherently within our vocations by raising citizens of this world & the next. Let no one belittle the importance of our call to family life.
But we also have additional talents and interests which can be applied to the greater church and society, either locally or globally, depending on who we are. There are a number of areas we can look at to discern if God is calling us to additional service, and if so, to what. Given our other responsibilities, we don't want to waste time or energy (leading to a stressed or neglected home, or on the other hand, quasi-effective service ). We want to make our service to others totally appropriate to our persons and particular gifts, within our circumstances.
To that end, here are some questions we can ask ourselves on additional apostolates outside the home:
for more, press 'comments'
posted by Holly at 2:50 PM
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6 Comments:
I) TIME
1. Am I fulfilling the basic priorities of my married vocation in relation to the five Ps?
2. How much time do I have left over not filled with the essential tasks of my vocation?
II) TEMPERAMENT
1. What type of a person am I? (ex: a born leader? a people-person? a cloister-type? laid back?) (For an excellent overview of the four temperaments, see www/stthomasaquinas.net/misc/temperaments on "The Four Temperaments" by Fr Conrad Hock)
2. Are there any indications in my very temperament that suggest a certain type of apostolate which would fit the person God designed me to be?
III) TALENTS & INTERESTS
1. What talents do I possess which I could apply in some way to the greater church and society?
a) (Verbal) love to talk and discuss; reading and writing; humorous;
b) (Visual) drawing; building; designing and creating;
c) (Musical) singing and playing an instrument; composing music;
d) (Interpersonal) group activitiess; mediating and resolving conflicts;
compassionate; relating;
e) (Intrapersonal) interior; working alone;
f) (Logical) creative thinking; problem solving; organizing; experimenting;
figuring out how things work; reasoning and logical;
g) (Kinesthetic) dance or drama; sports; crafts;
2. What are the ways I could employ these talents to serve the church and world,in my extended family, parish, community or national level etc....
3. Are there any specific interests I have which could point to a direction God is calling me to? (ex: an interest in teaching catechism, doing parish music, helping out in a senior's home, supporting a foster child in a 3rd World country, writing for Catholic periodicals?)
IV) CHARISMS & GIFTS
1. Has God given me any specific gifts for Christian service? Are these confirmed by my priest or spiritual director? (cf 1 Corinthians 12)
2. Are there any Gifts of the Holy Spirit which I notice predominantly in my dealings with others? (for the Seven Gifts are often used in ministry and apostolate, and the recognition of 'counsel' or 'knowledge' etc in our dealings with others also point to where God wishes us to apply our time and energy)
3. Do these Charisms and gifts suggest to me any certain area which God would like me to apply myself in Christian service?
V) NEED
1. Where do I see a need in my extended family, parish, church, society - something that I see urgently needs to be done - an area which I don't think is being met? an area I feel drawn to working within? (ex: Mother Teresa of Calcutta who saw the tremendous needs of the poor, and felt drawn to serve them)
2. How can I apply myself to this specific area?
VI) Discernment Test:
Given that we may have many talents, many interests, and see many needs, we need to discern.
Given that we may not have one single desire for any type of service, we still need to discern if God wants us to help out...
A "Yes' on all of these points indicates a direction from God.
1. What does my heart of hearts say? Do I truly feel drawn and called to do this type of work outside my family life?
2. What does my husband say?
3. What does my spiritual director say?
4. What do circumstances point to? Can I first fulfill the essential priorities of my married vocation in a recollected way, and still engage in this additional apostolate? Will it hamper my family life?
5. Is it in line with Church teaching and Christian living?
6. Are the doors opening up for this apostolate? (Or instead, am I finding there obstacles putting up road blocks, which suggests I not pursue this?)
Pulling these discernment questions together:
a) For me, if my heart wants something , but my husband, spiritual director and circumstances say 'No', then I wait. When everything lines up and agrees, one with the other, then I consider it a sign that the time has come and God wishes me to pursue the given activity.
b) If my heart says "No" and everyone else thinks I ought to, then I need to go into prayer and figure out why my heart isn't feeling drawn - it could be that I am not attentive to the Holy Spirit; or maybe I'm not ready; or it could be that I am right and I'm not called to do something... Hence the need for prayerful discernment
VII) Distinguishing Between a Separate Apostolate & normal Christian Living
We are all called to a Christian life and mission, which will always include love of neighbour - in every manifestation of the Spiritual and Corporal Works of Mercy - and which is to be considered a normal aspect of Christian life. When our neighbour needs some help and we can help, we can do so. A neighbourhood food drive for needy families, a pro-life rally, a letter to our state or provincial representative re same-sex marriage - all of these are informal and normal ways of living out the Christian call to love in the works of mercy. We do not need to go out looking for these - so often they present themselves to us through a phone call from a friend , a request or through a news report....
We are all called to witness ( living out the Christian vocation in our lives)as well as being ready always to 'explain the reason for our hope'(evangelization and catechising others). A coffee with a friend and a little encouragement to follow church teaching in their marriage is being a witness. Being honest in paying our taxes, correcting the cashier in over-refunding
me... all these are little ways in which we witness.
We are all called to prayer for others. There are great needs all over the world, and within our local communities and relatives which needs prayers. We
ought to daily include these.
It is when we begin to look at more formal involvments in our parish or community or on a larger level that we especially need to discern.
We need to realize 'family first' is a 'general rule', in that we already are living our Christian calling within our married and family lives. God does not want this neglected. We must be honest in this area - in whether we are truly fulfilling our responsibilities here or not. If we are struggling greatly in accomplishing the duties of the 5 Ps, then to me, this is an indication that our efforts elsewhere would be a distraction more than a benefit.
But if we are fulfilling our family duties in the 5 Ps, we may indeed be called by God to a greater involvement, and it depends upon all the issues mentioned above - time, talent & interest, temperament,
charisms & gifts, and needs. A thorough reflection on our abilities and person can help us discern if God is calling us to these things.
VIII) There's a Time and a Season...
Extra involvement outside the home depends upon what is going on within the home - both with the fulfillment of our daily duties, but also upon the 'seasons' of motherhood. A mother of five small children will not have the same calling outside the home as the mother whose children are grown, nor for the mother with intermediate children - who may actually be able to help serve in a family apostolate.
It is important for us to truly place family first. Sometimes this can be difficult. I remember feeling like I had to chain myself to the pew when my priest would call for volunteers, because I always wanted to volunteer for everything! Later, as my children grew, I began to be very interested in the home, and didn't want to do so much work outside of it. It almost killed me at times to write A Mother's Rule because I wanted instead to spend time with my family!
That there are tensions within a mother's life regarding juggling all these things, is a reality. A prayerful and reasoned assessment of all the varied areas of discernment, in consultation with husband and spiritual director, is a necessary thing when looking at formal, outside apostolates.
I think that your questions, Holly, are excellent helps in descerning whether we can and should volunteer or do any kind of activity outside the home. The first question about time is well placed. If there is no time left when we are fulfilling our vocation as well as we can, that pretty much answers whether God is calling us to do more outside the home.
As a mother of 5 children under the age of 6, my time is at a premium. Since they are so young, I cannot always take them with me to various functions (shopping, visiting, meetings, etc.). However, I can still volunteer in an intrapersonal way. I can pray for others and teach my children to do the same. I can join (and have joined) the Daughters of Mary group at my parish, who wash the altar linens, pray for others in a prayer chain, and bake 'frindship bread' for newcomers to the parish. These are valuable services I can perform at home and my children can take part as well.
Thanks Paula - you're right - family first always! I liked your informal Christian service ideas. Are there any other Moms reading this post who could share with us the ways they and their family serve the larger community and church?
For us at my house, my husband is a lector and helps out occasionally with my daughter's youth group. Two of my children are altar servers, and a third is tranferring from altar serving to helping with children's liturgy. I do the Sunday Mass music and run my website, with the occasional article or talk. I help the youth group as an ideas person. We try to help out other families when crises arise, financially if we can or with child care in emergencies, etc. There are often various other little things, but Philip and I are the type that also had to learn to say "No", which in itself is valid when outside service hampers family life.
What ways do you and your family serve your community? your church?
Oh, and I forgot - daily prayer for others, the conversion of sinners, tsunami victims, etc etc!
In our family I teach 1st grade CCD on Sunday after MAss. My 2 oldest are helpers. My 4 oldest alter serve. My Husband is a lector.
Also I have become annimator for a Familia goup designed for Women that studies the teaching of Pope John Paul II. 2x's a month.
It is do-able. And with 7 children.
As Ecclesiastes reminds us: "There is a time for every purpose under heaven". When the children are young is your time with them. You only have one chance to raise your children in a Godly manner. There is no such thing as "quality time" being an hour here or there. Children need to be with you most of the time so that they may role model from you.
As they leave the nest, you will find ample time to volunteer for apostolates with the Church later on in your life. If you still feel called to volunteer, try to find an apostolate in which your children may participate with you. You will be providing them with an opportunity to emulate you in dealing with other people and in giving to the Church.
But do spend that time with your children now while they are young; you only have one chance to raise them. There are plenty of middle-aged parishioners and grandparents whose children are grown and gone who will step into those apostolates while you invest your time and values with your children. As a mother, your children are your first and most important "apostolate". Do not be seduced by the popular secular societal thinking that you should be "doing it all". Tis impossible to do it all and do it well. As an old retired teacher who has seen it all in terms of parenting, the most successful parents dedicated most of their time to their children before the children go off to college.
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