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With Your Rule
Seeking Perfection and Self-Denial
Dear Holly
I have read your posts so far about seeking Christian perfection as mothers. There's just one thing that has always disturbed me about holiness - the whole notion of 'self-denial'. I feel that if I really practiced this, I'd burn out and never have anything to look forward to again. How do you and others view this?
Labels: 1st P Prayer
posted by Holly at 10:16 AM
2 Comments:
Aarghh - I think I lost the comment I just posted, so I will try to do it again.
I too understand this fear of 'self-denial' as I always feared life would end up like a perpetual Lent, and that I was supposed to somehow give up everything I was and wanted. But this is not so.
First off, let's put the word 'self-denial' in Mom-friendly language. It is also known as self-control, mastery of self, self-custody. It means we take charge of ourselves and our life, and point it in the direction we know is good and true.
There are various stages to this. The very first and necessary stage of self-custody is denying all sin. We stop it. So it's not about giving up who we are as persons or denying our personality, rather, it is trying to eliminate the 'selfishness' which lives within us. We seek to curb our self-centered desires and actions in fidelity to the Gospel.
The second stage is where we exercise self-control regarding our duties. Here, we focus on getting our housework done everyday, on being faithful to our prayer times, on making ourselves more loving to our families. It is the positive practice of the virtues.
It is easier to choose to do something good than to merely deny ourselves something bad -- if we see a good in something, then our wills are much more likely to choose it. So we want to focus upon the positive, good reasons for doing certain actions, as opposed to focusing on the negative or bad things we have to 'give up'. We want to gently move our hearts to be happy in this.
Thirdly, and I think this corresponds to a stage of deep spiritual maturity, and the desire to give up all for Christ. Here, we decide to forego even legitimate pleasures for the love of God. We look for ways to love God by our self-denial and attachment to Jesus - little ways, like saying no to the ketchup when we eat our fries, or not watching that show tonight, or giving up that dessert or new dress -- these types of little denials are something we can eventually do to place ourselves in solidarity with Christ, who emptied Himself for love of us.
This latter form of self-denial is, in my opinion, something we undertake because God has infused us with the desire to do so, and we undertake it willingly, in complete peace. It is done to act in union with Christ, as we place ourselves on the cross, in order to offer it, with Christ, to the Father for the salvation of others. It is a little way to share in the salvific mission of Jesus.
So, it is important to only begin where we are and not rush sainthood upon ourselves. The reality is, that if we are at a certain stage, we will be unable to do more than our abilities will permit. So we start with the first stage - and deny sin. Then we move on to our Mother's Rule and train ourselves to do the good that our vocation demands of us. Eventually, we learn to give all to God.
I think seeking Christian perfection calls for a decision to begin the process -- but from where we are at this point in time -- with a willingness to go through the stages as they become possible, as we grow.
Holly's response is beautiful. I can't say it as eloquently, but the thought that came to me when I read your question was, start with essentials (giving up sin), and eventually you will WANT to give everything to God. You won't feel cheated or unhappy about it.
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