Help
With Your Rule
The Rule is Meant to be a Tool Not a Tyrant
Dear Holly
My rule is looking really good. My schedule is in place. I'm starting to organize things more in the house. I need to re-read the 5 Ps to put things back in perspective, but otherwise things are much better around my home than before. So why do I feel so depressed? Honestly, I think I'm being attacked now that I am getting my life pulled together as God wants. But still, I feel a loss of freedom. Something in me is saying that I want to go back to the way things were - that I was more free then. But I was not happy then and I was always overwhelmed. Did you go through this? What did you do to get over it?
Labels: 2nd P Person, About a Rule of Life
posted by Holly at 8:12 AM
1 Comments:
Anytime we move toward changing our lives, we are going to experience an inner response of some kind, especially when we first move toward utilizing our reason over our whims. We are disintegrated within ourselves, and our emotions don't always immediately follow what our reason says is good.
I experienced various struggles and pains when I first began my rule, as noted in MROL, and stopped and started a bit to relieve pressure. Eventually, this loss of freedom feeling left me as I began to get used to the routines I had set up.
However, I also mentioned in the book that I recommended you take it slower than I did, as I launched in full force, being so desperate and all... The larger the change, the larger the culture shock.
But there is a Catholic principle to recall here, which is very appropriate. Not only do we need to look at the 'objective' side of our lives ( our duties and responsibilities), but we also need to consider the 'subjective' element - that we are imperfect creatures, not able to be perfect right away. We have to have mercy with ourselves and our limitations - and acknowledging these is simply humiity. We can only change so much at one time if we want to sustain it.
So, there is a tremendous need when we first begin our rule, and even after (as I was just asking my husband last night about my rule), of getting some objective outside counsel -- top of the list is a spiritual director, but also our husband's opinion, trusted friends, others who are trying it (this is why I am inviting other people's opinions on this blog so much!). This is not to tell us 'whether' to try a rule, but 'how' to use the rule, how fast to go, what to let go of for a while, when to pick up another aspect of it. Slow and steady, you know...
There is always the possibility of 'legalism' - once we 'know' what we ought to do, we want to do it all exactly, or feel pressured as if we 'must', but this can run us into the ground. As I mentioned in the book - our personal regeneration to wholeness is a 'process' - something that doesn't happen all at once. The rule is a tool to help us get there, to train our hearts to do God's Will and to fulfill our duties. But it is not meant to be a tyrant - the rule is made for the family, not the family for the rule!
How to practically solve your emotional response right away? First, talk to a director or your husband, show them your rule, tell them what's happening, have them help you have patience with yourself. Choose somethings to work on in a more strict way - like getting to bed earlier so you can get up for prayer. Leave the rest if you wish until you are used to the first thing. Then pick up more.
Secondly - aside from my prayer and meal/chore routines, I set up "Options", so I would be free to choose what to do with the bulk of my time. While I have "school" from 9-10:30 and 11:00-12:00, I also have the 'option' of a home project or whatever in this time. Or the option of taking the day off and getting out with the kids, or doing some crafts with them, or whatever. If I tried to school every single day of the school year without a change ever, I personally would be burnt out. Instead , I play it by ear. Every day I choose - what I will do in the afternon with that chunk of time. This will probably help.
Yes, a good re-read of MROL to get to the heart of the 5 Ps would be beneficial also. It is the 'spirit' of the rule which is most important, just as Mother Teresa said. The schedule is just a way to help us accomplish this, to get us used to focusing on our responsibilities, and then God. In fact, eventually, the schedule aspect ceases to be so important as one gets used to doing the daily duties without interior battle, without feeling pulled to do other irrelevant things.
Let us know how you're progressing, OK?
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