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Obedience in Marriage and Family Life
"When we speak about a wife obeying the husband, we normally think of obedience in military or political terms: the husband giving orders and the wife obeying them. But while this type of obedience may be appropriate in the army, it is ridiculous in the intimate relationship of marriage.
"The obedient wife does not wait for orders. Rather she tries to discern her husband's needs and feelings and responds in love. When she sees her husband is weary, she encourages him to rest; when she sees him agitated, she soothes him; when he is ill, she nurses and comforts him; when he is happy and elated, she shares his joy. Yet such obedience should not be confined to the wife; the husband should be obedient in the same way... Thus a good marriage is not a matter of one partner obeying the other, but of both partners obeying each other."
St John Chrysostom, in "On Living Simply", compiled by Robert Van de Weyer, Liguori - Triumph, Missouri, p72.
posted by Holly at 1:04 AM
1 Comments:
Two things really strike me about this quote from St John.
First, a religious takes a vow of obedience to her superior - this is one of the evangelical counsels which fosters Christian perfection by denying self-will and lessening the hold of selfishness.
But so too, we can practice obedience, but in such a unique and wonderful way -- just think: we obey by loving! We do not need to be told what to do - we can freely choose to 'obey' - which is nothing more than to discern in love the needs of our husband and seek to help him, love him, console him, support him!
Our own unique way as wives to obey. How lucky we are that God allows us to obey in this way, and how privileged we are to be 'trusted' by God to overcome our own selfishness and self-will by thinking of the needs of our husband over ourself. Wow. That we freely choose, via our own free will and motivation, to obey in this way (with the help of grace of course) is to follow the evangelical counsel of holy obedience in our own specific wife-type way.
The second thing that struck me is "What does this say about the way I need to foster obedience from my children?" Certainly not by issuing commands and directives now, is it? But by inspiring them to love too, based on my example, by the gentleness of my love, just like flies with honey!
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